Labyrinth of Immaturity
by TheCorinne
Summary: Dumbledore and Umbridge hook up and wreak havoc on Hogwarts! Can two crazy 5th year girls save the school and the students before it's too late? Don't count on it, they're kinda busy causing mischief and partying.
1. Chapter 1: New Beginnings

So, this is my first fanfic. Not really, my friends and I made our own forum where we made a pointless HP RPG and we all posted on it ROFL it was insane. Then a few kids from school saw it… oh lord. But that sucked. SO IT'S TIME TO MAKE A GOOD ONE. This is… uh… Harry's 5th year I guess.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J. K. Rowling. Even the main characters; I'm giving them to her.

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Chapter One: New Beginning

Triana appeared at King's Cross Station in jean shorts and a black t-shirt animated with a white flying elephant eating a boa constrictor with fairy wings. She thought it would be warmer in England than it was in Russia, but sadly, she was mistaken. She stood shivering in the stone building, looking at kids she'd soon meet in her new school. Then, she spotted the unmistakable hair in a bewildering moment of confusion.

"OY MATE TALLY-HO FOSHEEEZZY!" screamed a blue-haired mohawk-sporting girl Triana knew so well.

"AYYYY SOY SU PADRE, USTED ES MI HIJO!!" Triana belted back, ignoring the guards preparing to throw them out of the station.

The 2 girls sprang towards each other with boundless energy while screaming in shrill voices. Once they calmed down enough to form a real sentence, the blue-haired one spoke first.

"Oy, did you miss me?! I been in France fo-"

Then Triana cut her off, "Ugh God, stop that terrible accent! You aren't British, let alone cockney," she retorted, laughing. "But why are you here? Shouldn't you be in France...?"

"I _was_ getting to that. They wouldn't take me because of my… unorthodox appearance. Crazy French people…" she muttered the last part under her breath.

"SO YOU ARE COMING TO HOGWARTS!?!" Triana could hardly contain herself.

"Yeah…"

"OH MY GOD LINDA YOU'VE MADE ME THE HAPPIEST GIRL THIS SIDE OF THE MASON-DIXON!"

"Oh Lord I told you not to call me that! Remember, it is Kait in front of them. Got it?" she spat out in front of the other students who were dressed oddly in what was supposed to be the fashion for muggles.

Triana didn't mind the chiding, and instead hugged her best friend with joy. "Oh I'm so glad their plan to split us up didn't work! Stupid hoes, they couldn't have done it even if they'd tried."

"We should go through the barrier soon if you want to sit with me on the train." Kait gave as an excuse for prying her best friend off her waist.

"EW, WHO WOULD WANT TO SIT WITH YOU? Jay-Kay Ho... lets go." And they darted for the barrier together and passed through to the other side.

Soon the pair boarded the train, looking around suspiciously at the other passengers. They found a compartment at the very back of the train with only 2 students in it, a lanky redheaded boy and a petite girl with a nest of brown frizzy hair on her head.

"Hey, you guys mind if we sit here?" Kait asked, after opening the compartment door.

"This is sort of the prefec–" The girl began.

"DON'T CARE." Kait barged into the compartment and sat down next to the redhead, leaving Triana to awkwardly sit next to the girl. They left the 2 strangers bewildered, but they gave up on getting them to leave right from the start, and decided to talk with them.

"What year are you two in? I haven't seen you around before, and you don't look like first years," asked the girl.

"We're fifth years, but we got… uh… transferred from the Durmstrang school." Triana said, looking at Kait.

"How did _both_ of you get transferred? Are you sisters or something?" the redheaded boy asked.

"Well, no… see, we weren't… uh…" Triana stumbled over her words.

"RELIGIOUS BELIEFS." cut in Kait, and the two prefects said nothing else about the matter. That was how Kait always answered awkward questions, since no one dared to ask further about something as taboo as religion.

"Uh… so… how was Durmstrang?" the girl asked, trying to change the subject.

"Cold. THE MEN NEVER TOOK OFF THEIR SHIRTS BECAUSE IT WAS TOO COLD. Dammit. And it was really strict, too, so they probably couldn't have even taken off their shirts if it WAS warm."

"Who was the headmaster?" the two asked in unison, wondering if it was the same as the last year during the Triwizard Tournament.

"Karkaroff. Crackhead… he's always running somewhere and he looks deranged and strung out all the time." Kait stated, and Triana agreed.

"Let's not talk about that hellhole anymore, though," said Triana, smiling, "What are your names?"

"Mine's Ron, and that's Hermione. We're prefects here, on Gryffindor. What house are you two in?" inquired the redhead, apparently Ron.

"House? No, we don't do that crap at Durmstrang. All for one, one for all, you know. Oh man, we have to get sorted with the 1st years! Great, just dandy. FREAKING PEACHES AND CREAM." Kait was ringing her hands now, nervous at the upcoming pressure.

"OH MY GOD YOU ARE RIGHT," shrieked Triana. "Shit. What house will I be in? Which ones better? OH LORD WHAT IF I'M ON HUFFLEPUFF NO MY LIFE WILL BE RUINED. I COULD NEVER GET A GOOD WIZARDING JOB THEN. I'LL BE AT AN INTERVIEW AND THEY'LL SEE I WENT TO HOGWARTS AND THEN THEY'LL BE ALL 'OH, WHAT HOUSE WERE YOU IN?' AND I'LL HAVE TO BE LIKE 'HUFFLEPUFF.' DO YOU REALIZE HOW BAD THAT SOUNDS!?!"

The two girls were in hysterics (not the good kind) and Ron and Hermione could not calm them down. Soon their compartment door slid open and in stepped, who else, Draco Malfoy.

"What's going on in here!?" he yelled, stepping in with his prefect companion, Pansy.

"I'M GOING TO BE IN HUFFLEPUFF, THAT IS WHAT'S WRONG!" Triana yelled with tears streaming down her face.

"Ouch. That sucks…" Malfoy said, with all fervor of pissing people off gone from his voice.

"OH THANKS. NOW MR. LOVEHANDLES HAS TO COME REMIND US OF OUR MISERABLE FATE." Kait cried, writhing on the floor with gloom.

"Mr. LoveHandles?" asked Pansy.

"YEAH, NOW YOU'RE MRS. LOVEHANDLES." shrieked Triana.

"Uhm, no. My name is Pansy."

Suddenly, Kait burst into a giggle fit. "PANSY!? WOW YOUR PARENTS MUST HAVE HATED YOU!" she said through sprees of laughter.

Triana joined in, quickly cheering up. "AHAHAHA PANSY AHAHAHA!"

Pansy quickly ran out of the room with her face bright red. Draco suddenly felt weak without her, and took a defensive standpoint.

"Lovehandles!? Yeah right, look at these babies!" He suddenly ripped off his clothes, leaving him in gold hot-pants and a full set of abs. Suddenly, Michael Jackson's "Thriller" came on, and Draco started grabbing his crotch and thrusting his pelvis forward. (Do you know how awkward it was just to write that? Ughh.)

"He does this ALL the time! JUST PUT IT AWAY MALFOY!" Ron cried, shielding his eyes as him and Hermione groaned.

However, Triana and Kait were in their seats throwing money and cheering. "OH YEAH TAKE IT ALLLL OFF!" shouted the girls.

By the end of the song, Draco had performed all of his hero's famous signature moves and decided to put his clothes back on, much to the relief of Ron and Hermione.

"See, they're fine now. I know how to tame 'em." He said, winking at Ron and Hermione, who both shuddered. He left, leaving Kait and Triana shouting for an encore.

"Who was that studmuffin?!" asked Triana.

"Ugh. Draco Malfoy. He's cocky, vain, and arrogant." said Hermione disgustedly.

"…He's got a right to be…" said Kait, drooling and simpering.

A voice echoed through out the train, saying that they should put on their robes since they would be arriving at Hogwarts in a few moments, so the girls pulled on their attire and waited to pull in at their new school.

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Hope you liked the first Chapter! Tell me if it sucks or not. This is the week of my finals (hence why I started this… I procrastinate.) so it may be a little before I come back with an update. 


	2. Chapter 2: The Sorting

I'm thinking about changing the title. The thing is, I have no idea what the rest of the story will be about, so I can't exactly give it a fitting title or description! Ah well I'll just get on with it.

Disclaimer: You know the drill, J.K. owns OUR SOULS.

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The group of 4 headed off the train, and a boy with messy black hair met up with Ron and Hermione. 

"Hey! I can't wait to get inside the castle, I've missed this place so much!" said the boy.

Ron grabbed the boy by the shoulders and pulled him aside. "Oh my god, Harry, you have to help me. See those 2 girls we're with? Absolutely _crazy._ I'm going to introduce you, though. Just play it on the down low. THE BIG DL. Got it?"

"Err… sure…" said Harry, completely confused.

Ron turned Harry back to the girls. "Hey, I want to introduce you two to Harry. Harry, this is Kait and Triana. They're 5th years. They transferred here from Durmstrang."

"How'd they _both_ tra–" Harry started, but Ron elbowed him in the ribs. "Hi, nice to meet you," Harry said, breathless and wincing in pain from the sharp blow.

They came upon the lake and the classic trio entered into their boats and offered to share it with the 2 girls. Kait and Triana looked at each other. "Boats…?" Kait began breathlessly, "For real…?" Triana became very worried, and the trio threw her inquisitive glances.

Kait threw herself on the ground at the edge of the lake and pounded her fists. "OH MY GOD, MOMMY HELP ME HELP MEEEEEE!" She was shrieking and having convulsions on the floor.

"Uhm yeah she doesn't like boa–"

"MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP PLEASE OH MY GOD NO MAKE IT GO AWAY!" intercepted Triana's voice with Kait's.

"GET UP. C'MON THIS HAPPENS EVERYTIME. DO YOU JUST NOT WANT TO GO TO HOGWARTS?!" screamed Triana, and soon a crowd gathered upon the argument ensuing. Well, it was an argument from Triana's point of view.

To stop the attention they were receiving, Triana dragged Kait to the boat and pushed her in, then clambering in herself. This definitely did not help settle matters, however.

"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE! SAVE ME SAVE ME DON'T MAKE ME STAY IN HERE." Kait tried rushing out of the boat but it had already advanced into the inky waters of the great lake. Kait stood up and started rocking the boat, shrieking, while almost capsizing them.

"Is there… a problem? Or something?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, she has aquaphobia. She… doesn't like the water." Said Triana, embarrassed by her friend in front of her.

"Does she bathe?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah, but she has to take a cardboard cutout of Fred Astaire into the tub with her. I'm not exactly sure why that helps her… but whatever."

Hermione sighed and flicked her wand. She had conjured a Fred Astaire (in glorious technicolor!) cutout and threw it at Kait.

Kait sat down and started purring. Then she began to lick the back of her hands and use them to smooth out the hair on her head.

"Thank you!" Ron whispered to Hermione.

They sat in an uncomfortable silence, watching Kait be felinesque until their boat stopped at the other side of the lake. They climbed out and filed into the school with the rest of the lot. As soon as they got on land, Kait had thrown her Fred Astaire cutout into the water, as sort of a redeeming mark on it, leaving her unafraid. Bother her and Triana were gazing up at the enormity of the school.

"Wow… this school is huge!" Triana remarked, gaping. "Durmstrang only had 4 floors. And it was all square. And Russian. Ew."

"HEY. What's wrong with Russia?" snapped Kait.

"Communism?" Hermione peeped.

"DON'T QUESTION OUR DICTATOR. NOSSOS SUPRESS DA VONTAGE DA AUTORIDADE VOCÊ!!!"

"Woah, woah… calm down everyone," said Harry, avoiding the stares of his fellow classmates. That was all he needed, more things contributing to his angst and hormones.

They soon entered the Great Hall, and the trio sat down at their table while Kait and Triana stood around looking stupid and tall compared to all the 1st years. Professor McGonagall stepped out of oblivion and ushered them into a line. "Come hither, first years, and… you people…" They entered the pathetic cluster and waited as Professor Dumbledore stood up to begin speaking.

"As you all know, last year's tournament was pretty bitchin'. Except the part where that kid died. And you know, Voldemort came back. That shouldn't stop us from having a good, sexy time this year, though. Chyoo know it. Oh yeah, especially you Minerva," he added in the last part, winking at the Professor, whom shuddered it off with disgust. "Anyway, I suppose you know that you'll be under some danger this year. And I might do something about it. IF YOU TREAT ME AS YOUR KING, AS YOUR LORD AND MASTER, THEN I MIGHT TAKE PITY ON YOUR MISERABLE SOULS. Fair warning, let the sorting begin!"

Some 6th and 7th years clapped, but no one else. They looked around in confusion and the 1st years looked horrified. "Okay students, when I call your name please step forth, place the hat on your head, then sit at the table you are assigned to." Professor McGonagall proceeded to read out the list of students, and soon she got to one of our main characters.

"Uhm… I can't exactly pronounce the last name of this next individual… I'll spell it out. K-u-d-r-y-á-v-t-s-e-v. Yes, Kudryávtsev, Linda."

Kait walked up to the front of the Great Hall, and many onlookers snickered about her hair, and the fact that she was the oldest one so far to be sorted. She sat up on the stool, looked at the old dingy hat, and then placed it on her head.

A voice came inside her ear. "So… Durmstrang? Yes… they have lots of power… but courage? Who knows… and what else…. You aren't particularly bright, rather irrational. I suppose it's either Hufflepuff or Slytherin for you." Kait drastically dove her hand inside her robes, and soon, a stream of smoke emitted from the hat's brim and it cried out "SLYTHERIN, SLYTHERIN OH GOD I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT!!" With that, Kait stepped down, passed many questioning gazes, and sat among her peers clad in green.

"What'd you do?" Questioned a 5th year she had sat down next to. She produced, once more, from her pockets a lighter she used to subtly burn the brim of the hat. She realized how the hat had gotten so damaged over the years.

Perhaps 2 others were sorted, and then came the turn of our other main character. "Lirded, Triana." McGonagall called out, and Triana went up. She nervously placed the hat on her head, who was now being much more kind to its wearers.

"Where would you like to be sorted, little girl?" it asked her.

"Not Hufflepuff. That's all I know." Triana stated with some embarrassment.

The sorting hat was rather old, and kind of senile. "Not Hufflepuff!" It shouted, and that was that. Triana didn't really know what to do. Every house (except for Hufflepuff) had a few clappers in it, and Triana stood up from the stool and took off the sorting hat. 'Aw crap!', she thought. She didn't want to choose a table, so she went over to where Professor McGonagall was standing and sat down on the floor next to her.

McGonagall hesitated, but continued with the sortings, all of which were normal. Afterwards, the headmaster welcomed the new first years and snapped his fingers, causing food to appear suddenly decorate the tables.

Triana walked up to the staff table and asked Professor McGonagall where to sit, sleep, and what schedule she should follow.

"Uh… you can choose," said the Professor.

"REALLY!? That's bitchin'!" shouted Triana, and she gave Professor McGonagall a big hug, accidentally spilling 3 goblets of pumpkin juice all over the laps of the other staff members. Then she zipped off to eat with Kait at the Slytherin table. "KAIT, listen to this. You'll never guess what I can do." Kait, however, was engrossed in her massive plate of desserts. She was trying to convince people that the Durmstrang teachers gave weekly drills on cramming their food into their mouths and scarfing it down as fast as they could. She was giving demonstrations when she saw Triana standing by her.

Kait stood up and winked at her before starting. "YOU, DROP DOWN AND GIMME 20!" Triana immediately dove at the plate and shoved 20 chocolate cupcakes in her mouth. "C'MON SCUM, MAKE ME PROUD, MAKE ME DAMN PROUD! SWALLOW, SWALLOW, ARE YOU STILL CHEWING!? WHAT THE HELL! LET'S GO, SISSY! WHAT, YOU GONNA TAKE THIS FROM ME!? KEEP GOING, HOEBAG!"

Triana finished, slammed her fist on the table, and took a victory lap around the school. "I DID IT, I DID IT!" she screamed, although feeling sick to her stomach.

"You've made me proud, soldier." Kait choked out, wiping fake tears from her eyes.

Once Triana got back to the table she continued the point she was going to make. "Yeah, so I can go to any class I want. FOREVER. I'm not even going to follow a schedule."

"But what if you end up going to a Hufflepuff class? Or like, a 3rd years'?" Kait asked.

"Oh. Yeah. Don't care." Triana said, grabbing a plate of brownies.

The two sat down at the table and chatted with some other Slytherins, when the Bloody Baron passed by their table and sat down next to Kait. Some of the students looked fearful, and others just gaped since he had never socialized with them before.

"You girls went to Durmstrang?" He looked, with a distrustful, crazed look in his eyes. He appeared to have blood-shot eyes, which, combined with the tone of his voice, gave him the demeanor of a heroin addict.

"Yeah. What of it?" asked Kait, taking a bite of fudge.

"Is the Strong Sultan still there?" He asked, misty-eyed.

"Uh yeah, as far as I know…" Kait responded nervously.

"Yeah. He was my homeboy. Brings back memories…." He drifted off in speech and in embodiment.

"Wait, wait!" called Kait.

"What?" he asked, snapping out of his daze.

"Can we ask you some questions about ghost life? Since you asked us some?"

"Sure… if you want…" he said, returning to his position beside them at the table.

Triana and Kait looked at each other. "So, what happens when two ghosts pass through each other?" asked the former.

"I'm actually not sure. There aren't many chances for it to happen and stuff…" the ghost replied.

"You never even like, brush up against each other?"

"WE GO THROUGH EVERYTHING! We never have any problems getting past each other, so no!"

"You should try it. GO GIVE NICKY A HUG!" Triana became voracious with anxiety.

"No! He'll think I'm gay!" shouted the baron in protest.

"OH! That reminds me, can ghosts _**GET IT ON!?**_" she asked, making weird thrusting motions combining her hips and arms.

"NO! ENOUGH QUESTIONS! I'M LEAVING!" And with that, he dropped through the floor, into the ground or something. Or if Hogwarts had a basement.

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Hope you all like it! Ahh it is so fun to write this! I actually came home and did this for fun rather than out of feeling of obligation. Yeah, I hope to get some positive feedback soon. I'm pretty much embarrassed to show this to my friends because then they will see the extent of my nerdiness… so I'll just wait until somebody stumbles across this! I'll probably write more soon, since this is what I do rather than studying. (It is sort of like studying for English? I have to recall pronoun usage and stuff sometimes. AND DIALOGUE RULES. I hate them. And I always screw them up, too. Great.) Okay well, that all I have to say! Have a nice week? 


	3. Chapter 3: Triana's Devilish Plan

I can't stop writing!! Its like, something took over my brain. OH CRAP. dude, I can SENSE IT. It's gerbils. POSITIVE. _Drinking my mind soup_. Eunghhh.

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is to Harry Potter as Gwen Stefani is to Akon. Yeah, suckers.

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Chapter 3! 

The feast ended and the students returned to their dormitories. This left more options open for Triana. Which common room should she sleep in? She was very tired, so it didn't matter much, but she wanted to open herself up to all houses. She could go into any common room, though! Except Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff… hmm… the more and more Triana thought about it, the more she wanted to stay in the Hufflepuff common room. "They're probably hiding something from us! No, they definitely are," she thought to herself. "Think about it... what important person is in Hufflepuff? NO ONE. Why? Because if there was an important person in Hufflepuff, someone would have to end up describing their common room. EXCEPT NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. Oh, this makes perfect sense! I can't believe I would be the first one to discover this CONSPIRACY! Oh my god, MY LIFE IS A LIE!" upon this inner realization, she decided she WAS going to sleep in the Hufflepuff common room tonight. She would uncover the scandal, rake up the lies of this treacherous school! TREASON! OUTRAGE! _SHAME! _Oh yeah, this was hot.

She came back to her senses, finding herself at the marble staircase in the Entrance Hall. Everyone had already gone up to their dormitories, leaving her alone while she was plotting. Plotting, yes, she liked that word. No teachers were on duty since it was the first day, and seriously, what goes wrong on the first day? They were all old people, so they had their heat flashes and took their various medications and were ready for bed. Triana snuck to the large wooden doors at the front of the school and pushed them open. A blast of cold night air struck her, but she was too maniacal to notice. She was hysterical with the thrill of her plans, and she felt wild and frenzied, completely deranged!

"_**DESTROCE MI CUERPO MUERTO!!!!"**_ she screeched fanatically into the night. And she ran off into the grounds. After about 15 minutes of running around and chanting, she realized she actually had to do something. She had put together a slapdash plan of scaling the walls of Hogwarts to get into a window of the Hufflepuff common room, but she was blindly proud of it nonetheless.

"I am sooo brilliant. I can't believe how smart I am," she snickered to herself genuinely, because she really thought her plan would work. She got her wand out from her pocket, and pointed it straight at her body. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she uttered forcefully. She felt herself rising off the ground for a moment, but the magic was not strong enough and she only got up a few centimeters before falling back on the ground. "Damn, I'm a fatty! I really need to go on a diet…. Later, later…." She thought for a few moments longer, and then had a better idea.

She trekked down to the Herbology greenhouse, where the door was loosely bolted and she easily undid that. She stepped into the greenhouse and her hair immediately afro-ed up from the intense moisture in the air. "Aw snaps." Things were just not going her way. She searched around and found the longest, thickest vine she could. She had to wind it around herself and drag it from the greenhouse because it was too heavy for her to manage with only her hands. She could levitate some of it, which eventually enabled her to get it to the castle. She tied a large loop on one end of the vine and looked up into the dark sky at the many towers of the castle. She picked the one closest to her, and, with the help of magic, levitated the loop over the tower's peak. The rest of the vine hung down from the castle and conveniently reached the ground, so she could climb it!

She started the journey upwards, and became tired very quickly. However, she kept climbing and then realized she didn't know where the Hufflepuff common room was! In fact, she didn't know where anything was in the school at all. "Great," she thought to herself, "I'm screwed. WAIT! No. I'll just break into the first window I get to, and then ask the portraits for directions! I AM THE EPITOME OF ALL INTELLIGENCE!" She hastened her climbing with renewed zeal, finally reaching a stained-glass window. She couldn't see past the colored glass, so she held her ear up to it. No sounds came through, so she thrust her fist through the window, shattering it, and leapt into the room.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" screamed a livid Severus Snape.

Triana was immediately repulsed, blinded, and disgusted by the scene in front of her. "HOLY GOD, WHAT ARE _**YOU**_ DOING!?" He was lying on the bed, naked (with his lower regions covered up with a blanket, thank the heavens), holding a magazine that had scantily-clad anime girls on the cover, and there was a very suspicious looking lump raising some of the bedspread…. Triana backed up towards the door with her hands over her eyes, consequently knocking many things over in the process.

"100 points from… what house are you on? Are you even a student here!?" He said, trying to steady his voice from the extreme embarrassment he had just been through.

Triana spat, "Slytherin!" Before the Bloody Baron had sat down with them, some of the slytherins were pointing out the teachers to her and Kait, and she luckily remembered that this one happened to be the head of their house.

"Just… just… get out of here! And don't speak of this to anyone ever again!"

Triana raced to the door, thrust it open, and ran out. "Well, I'll never be attending a potions class, EVER," she thought to herself, gagging. She looked at her hand, which had been badly hurt when she punched through the glass, but with a wave of her wand the wounds were healed and with another wave the blood was gone.

She stalked around the castle and asked some portraits about her location. "Excuse me," she inquired to a lounging Egyptian queen, "could you tell me what floor we're on?"

"We are in the dungeons, my dear," replied the queen.

"How are there windows in a dun–" Triana began.

"RELIGION." the queen cut her off. Triana shook her head and went on.

"Do you know where the Hufflepuff common room is?" Triana tried again.

"We are in the dungeons, my dear," replied the queen once more.

Triana was getting frustrated. "POINT ME TO THE HUFFLEPUFF COMMON ROOM. PLEASE."

"We are in the–"

"WHAT THE HELL, WERE YOU PAINTED BY M. C. ESCHER OR SOMETHING!? CHRIST!" and with that, Triana stomped off in a huff, immediately smacking head-first into the Hufflepuff common room's portrait. "Aw crap!" She was staring at a giant Badger (what else would it be? Exactly. (A/N: I seriously looked this up; Hufflepuff common room is in the dungeon. Look it up yourselves, if you don't believe me. Yeah, that's what I thought.))

They just stared at each other for a while. Badgers can't talk; Triana didn't know the password; there wasn't much communication to be had. Suddenly, a 6th year Hufflepuff boy came up behind her. "Are you okay?" he asked her. She hadn't notice him, and she screamed in shock and terror.

"OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!" she cried.

He just looked at her then said the password, "Voldemort sucks." The badger swung open and the boy went inside, and Triana chased after him.

"Uh… thanks for that. I would have been stuck there all night."

"Are you in this house?" he asked, ignoring her last remark.

"LOOK… CUPCAKES!"

As he turned around (idiot), she shouted "Oppugno!" and a bunch of quills from an end table attacked him, chasing him up the stairs into his dormitory. She sighed in relief to herself, and then looked at her surroundings.

The common room was completely devoid of people, but filled with armchairs and a fire place and other nice things. "Woah! This place has furniture! Kait is going to flip when she hears about this! Furniture?! In Dormitories!? Hufflepuffs have it so much better than everyone else! Lucky bitches…." She said, still staring in awe.

Then she realized that she was extremely tired and had to wake up for classes tomorrow. And with that she climbed up the staircase that led her, unknowingly, into the _boys_' dormitory. When she stepped into the room she only saw that 2 of the beds were occupied. "Why isn't anyone on Hufflepuff? What the heck?" she thought to herself. However, she lay down in one of the beds and quickly fell asleep.

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Yeah, sorry if that chapter wasn't the best. I can't wait to write the next one though! Haha, I really do love writing and my sleep cycle is proof. I stay up until 1 am sometimes writing and I don't even realize it… which sucks because I have finals this week. And I need to cram. I'll get another chapter up ASAP. Keep reading! 


	4. Chapter 4: Maladroit Meeting

God, I should be sleeping. But whatever. I WANT TO WRITE. And I want a review too sobs. I don't even know if anyone likes this. Oh well, I guess I'll keep writing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Nobody does. He's like… the _wind. _Or God.OR BOTH!

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Chapter 4:

Kait looked around at the Slytherin common room. Bleak, dismal. This was fun…. She plopped herself on an armchair and didn't know what to do. She wasn't tired and there wasn't anyone she knew to talk to.

"Hmm... I wonder what Triana is doing…" she thought to herself. However, her thoughts were interrupted when a young man strode over to her (because he doesn't walk. He strides.).

"I haven't seen you around here, before" said a smooth voice.

"Well isn't that the news of the century," she replied sardonically, before looking up.

The boy sat down beside her, obviously curious about whoever she was. "If you're such big news then why don't you tell me about yourself." He said as rather a command than a request.

"Fine… my name is Kait. I used to live in Russia and I went to Durmstrang. I'm a fifth year… and I'm not really supposed to be in this house but I'm a master of persuasion. If you know what I mean." She was referring to the lighter incident, but the boy _didn't_ know what she meant, and took her phrase to be something of lecherous and lewd nature. He threw her a peculiar glance, but she didn't pick up on it.

"Um… so how come you don't have a Russian accent?" he asked, blocking her last sentence out of his mind.

"Well, I've also lived in Serbia, Bhutan, and Nicaragua, so I have a mix of accents," she said rather blandly, looking at her fingernails. She wasn't very good at socializing with people she didn't know to well, especially if she was discussing herself with them. She could talk about politics or science or math with them, but not about personal things.

"Oh. Neat. Uh… so…" he kind of hoped that his conversation would lead to something great about her. But no. She was boring. There weren't any boring Slytherins! How could this happen? No, there must be something good. He tried again, "What's your favorite subject?"

"Religion…" she responded dimly, staring at the fire.

"What? I don't think we have that class here…" he groped for something else to say.

"Oh sorry, what did you ask me?" She snapped back to reality. She had heard him ask a question and she just gave her usual response. Why was this conversation so disastrous? It was absolutely lackluster. And she was Kait. A girl with a blue mohawk who couldn't find a thing to say.

"What is your favorite subject?" he repeated.

"Oh… um… I like the Dark Arts… and Potions. And Charms. What about you?" she asked awkwardly.

"I like Transfiguration and Potions and Astronomy, a little bit." He uttered.

They sat there for a little bit in the awkward silence.

"GAY BABIES!" screamed Kait.

"…Pardon me?" asked the boy.

"You know. Whenever there is an awkward silence, gay babies are born. It's like, Kepler's Fourth Law or something. Uh, so what is your name?" she asked, trying to salvage the conversation.

"Blaise Zambini." he said with a rather snooty tone, as if she was supposed to recognize it.

"Oh. That's cool. Blaise is a pretty bitchin' name."

"Uh, thanks. I'm kind of tired; I'm going to go to bed…. Goodnight." He said, walking over the stairs leading to the dormitory.

"Okay! Goodnight. See you in classes tomorrow." She raced up the staircase to the dormitory, kind of embarrassed by her meeting with Blaise. Why can't I socialize like a normal person? Oh my god, I did the gay babies thing. Ughhhhh.

She went over to her bed and saw her things had been unpacked for her. Wow, everything is so nice here at Hogwarts! She couldn't believe it, and she was so happy to be out of Durmstrang.

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I'm sorry this chapter was so short! It is pitiful, I'm really sorry. I needed a chapter with Kait, so that Triana didn't become the main character. I want both of them to be. So yeah, last chapter when I said I was really excited to write chapter 4, I really meant chapter 5 (unless one of them dreams), not this piece of crap. Keep reading, AND SOMEONE GIVE ME A REVIEW ALREADY! 


	5. Chapter 5: Breakfast!

I GOT 2 REVIEWS. YEAHHH!! WOOO! What does that mean? It means that I love the WORLD. And the people who gave me the reviews, especially.

So… tomorrow are my math and English finals! Wish me luck! I should be cramming, but what the hell.

Disclaimer: Rowlinga dominum Harrī Potterī habet. (That's Latin, bitches.)

Chapter 5: Breakfast!

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Triana awoke to find 2 boys staring over her while she slept. "OH HOLY JESUS!" she yelped. But she just lay there, not daring to move, wide eyed. 

The boys stared back at her without saying anything, and she squirmed, not realizing where she was. "…I don't have any secrets! Or nuclear weapons! Don't take my toenails! Oh my god, OH MY GOD, ARE YOU GOING TO RAPE ME?!" She started bawling. "MY LIFE IS OVER AND I DON'T EVEN GET TO SEE DRACO IN HIS UNDERWEAR AGAIN, OH MY GOD!" she was crying hysterically and the 2 boys looked at each other and didn't really know what to do. "I HAVE MONEY. DO YOU WANT MONEY!? I'LL GET YOU ANYTHING. DRUGS, BOOZE, WOMEN, MEN, WHATEVER!" she said through sobs.

She kept crying until half of her bedspread was soaked. She lay there and just wept. After about another 10 minutes, she looked up at them with red eyes and choked, "Aren't you going to puncture my stomach so the acids leak out and destroy my heart?"

"…You're in the boys' dormitory." said a Hufflepuff, the one she hadn't encountered the day before.

"Who?" she asked, puzzled. She was very perplexed. She had not remembered anything of the night before and her pounding headache from all of her crying didn't help.

They didn't speak, and she got the impression that they never really talked to girls because they kept looking at each other and back at her. Ah screw it, she thought, and she got up and left.

She entered into the Hufflepuff common room, terribly confused. What the hell was going on? Where was she? Why did she sleep in her robes? Why were there strange people in this room who she didn't know giving her strange looks? She suddenly became flustered by the amount of people there looking neat and clean, while she looked like an utter mess.

"Uh… hi… um, could one of you inform me where the hell I am?" She asked as sweetly as she could muster. They all looked at each other and didn't really know how to answer the question. What would they tell her? That she was at Hogwarts, that she was in the Hufflepuff common room, that she was on the Earth? "Jesus, this is so messed up!" she walked out of the room, flustered.

She got out into the dungeons and immediately everything hit her like a sack of bricks. "Oh… shit. Maybe I should go apologize. Um… I think that would make it worse than what it is right now. Whatever. I'm hungry." And with that, she pranced off to the Great Hall.

She entered the vast chamber and looked around for Kait. Crap, she's not here. Its probably to early for her to be awake. What the hell time is it anyway? Of course they don't use freaking clocks here or anything, damn casino wizards. Damn. Triana was pretty pissed off. She looked like hell, kind of forgot where she was, was confused by all the luxuries of Hogwarts, and was really hungry. She went over and sat down at the Slytherin table with some fifth years.

She prepared a plate for herself and started eating voraciously. She was also taking out her anger by carving rude words into the table. "What are you doing?!" asked a scared Slytherin first year girl.

"BITCH, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH KAIT?!" Triana screeched at her and held up the knife. The girl ran away crying and someone gave Triana a high-five.

She then heard the doors open and saw Kait coming in, looking rather tired. Kait immediately scampered over and sat down next to her.

"Oh my god, they serve us breakfast here!?" Kait asked in disbelief.

"I know; it's amazing! Oh, and I found out THE BIGGEST SCANDAL OF THE YEAR LAST NIGHT. So you know how no one important is Hufflepuff? I found out why. PREPARE YOURSELF. THEY HAVE _**FURNITURE**_ IN THEIR COMMON ROOM!" Triana said with excitement.

"Isn't it weird!? They have furniture in every common room." Kait answered back.

"Oh. Really? Damn. I thought I was on to something. But God, why are these Hogwarts kids so spoiled!?"

"What are you talking about?" asked the Slytherin boy Blaise that Kait had talked to the night before.

Triana and Kait looked at each other. Kait decided to explain. She composed herself with the mien of a veteran telling how much life sucked in Nam. "Oh god, it was terrible. They fed you once a day, dinner, and it was just a _cold piece of meat _lying on the **ground** for you. You think we had beds? HELL NO WE DIDN'T HAVE NO DAMN BEDS. WE SLEPT WHERE WE FELL, MAN. It was tough. And one of the teachers ate babies. Every day, all we did was kill. Kill what? Diamonds. THAT'S RIGHT, DIAMONDS. If we couldn't break them apart with our fists we were given 50 LASHINGS. Oh, 50 lashings was actually like a gift compared to the classes. Every day, we were given a 100-question test in every subject. What did it test? ANYTHING THEY WANTED IT TO. They never had time to teach us anything, because they were so busy testing us or beating us! Or eating our children! IF WE WERE THIRSTY THEY GAVE US BLOOD TO DRINK! MONKEY BLO–"

"Yeah, that's enough Kait. You don't want him to get any ideas." She tried to keep herself from laughing with her last sentence.

Blaise just looked at Kait with disbelief. Was this seriously the same girl he met last night? People really are different when they're around friends….

They all took a look at the schedules they had lying on the table.

"AHAHAHAHA, you have potions!" Triana laughed at Kait.

"What's wrong with potions?" Kait asked.

"Oh god… I have to tell you something later. Urgh."

Kait just stared at Triana. She resumed eating and then went to get her books for her first class, which was Charms.

Triana got up and went to the Ravenclaw table and looked at their schedule. I'll go with the Ravenclaws today, she thought. First class? Transfiguration. All right.

She went up to her dormitory to get her stuff. Wait, crap, where would my stuff be? The house elves unpack it into the house a person is in, she questioned. Did they scatter her possessions among different houses? Better not have, little whores.

She walked up to the staff table and asked the only person who was there, Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore, where's my crap?"

"Oh. Yeah, no clue. Um… want me to go up to the dormitories and check with you?" He said, smirking in a very molester-like way.

"Ew, you nastayy. Uh, I mean, I'll just go check for myself." And she scurried out to the large staircase in the Entrance Hall, and continued up to the 7th floor, to the Gryffindor password. Luckily there was a group of students talking there and they gave her the password. She checked in her dormitory; her possessions weren't there.

She walked to the Ravenclaw tower on the west side of Hogwarts, and ended up guessing the password (she just kept spouting out nerdy things). Sadly, her belongings did not lie there either.

After that, she went all the way down to the dungeons and searched forever for the Slytherin entrance. Then she saw Kait trying to blow up a suit of armor, and Kait led her to the common room and went in with her. They searched the dormitory, but nothing. Zip. Nil. Zilch.

What had happened to Triana's stuff?! Would she ever get it back? Were the Ravenclaw classes going to be fun? Would Dumbledore ever stop following her!?

WE'LL FIND OUT. On the weekend.

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Hope you guys liked this chapter, I worked hard on it. Now I just am going to upload and going to bed. THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS. I'M SO GLAD I HAVE SOME NOW. I LOVE YOU TWO! 


	6. Chapter 6: Classes and crap

So, 3 people have favorited this story! (and another person reviewed, THANKS!) YAY!! One is my friend, but two others are strangers! I love you!! Yeah, I had my math and English final today. Did well on math, did pretty badly on English sigh. But I have a whole weekend before I take my last 3 finals on Monday and Tuesday. So I'll write!

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Chapter 6: Classes

"So, what do we do now?" Triana asked Kait. They were sitting in the Slytherin common room together after they had given up on finding Triana's things.

"Well… I don't know about you but I have to go to classes." They were going to start in a few minutes so Kait prepared her books.

"Ah, crap. Well, I'll guess I'll go to mine, too… and conjure up any books I need or something."

The two girls parted ways and went up to their classrooms.

Triana made her way into Transfiguration. She sat down next to a demure (duh) Ravenclaw girl who gave her a minute smile. Professor McGonagall briskly walked in and sat up at her desk.

"In previous years, you have learned how to change color, size, and complete makeup of entire living beings. Today, we will be learning how to transfigure only parts of items, and how to do many separate transfigurations on different parts of the item. This way, you can make items multiple colors or disproportionate, and make them distorted forms of everything you've done before."

She sighed, and then continued. "I know, though, I don't have to teach you how to do it since you freaks already know, not like my other retarded classes. So just get started. I'm going to leave you unsupervised. Feel free to smoke, break stuff, anything. Do whatever the hell you want." And she left.

"What the hell?" Triana asked to no one in particular. The kids got up from their seats and carefully took the items she left out for them to transfigure back to their tables. They all stayed quiet except for small murmurings of questions they asked each other about the spell. They all had perfected this spell on their own in their 3rd year, but still worked diligently to go beyond their mastery. What a bunch of losers.

Triana decided she ought to do something too, so she just copied what everyone else was doing since she had never learned the spell. She worked avidly on making her saucer into the most disturbing one she could. By the end of the class, her saucer was tie-dyed, bubbled up on the surface, had a pig nose, had little springs for legs and it waddled and bounced around making angry noises and growling at inanimate objects. After a long time of playing it, she got bored and put it in some girl's purse when she wasn't looking.

Professor McGonagall came back near the end of class as the students were working. As soon as she entered the room, however, they became completely silent and looked up at her eagerly. She looked very strung-out and walked around looking at each of the student's creations. She became more and more morose as she walked among the tables. At the end of her trek she went up to her desk and collapsed in sobs. "Just go… just go!" she yelled with tears pouring down her face, pointing towards the door.

The students scampered out hurriedly to go to their next class. This was going to be a long day, thought Triana to herself.

During that class, Kait had been in Charms with her fellow Slytherins and Gryffindors. Professor Flitwick came in and hopped upon his stack of books at the front of the class. "Welcome back, students! This is the first day of class, but, uhm, that does not mean we will slack off. Yes, today we will be learning something basic to start off the year."

He began to teach them a charm that would have things appear differently than what they were. No one was particularly skilled at it besides Hermione, and Kait eventually grasped it along with the rest of the class. They could only perform it on small inanimate objects, so they practiced with cups and books. The object remained the same; it only looked different. It was a smaller form of what was used on magical buildings to make them appear abandoned or not there at all.

After Kait was better at it, she started bewitching items to look like… um… indecent things. "Look Professor! Genitalia!" and she gestured to a few obscene objects on the table.

"Oh… yes, um, good job…! Th-those are very… erm… realistic? 5 points to Slytherin…." He mumbled and walked away, shaking his head. Kait beamed.

"I love this class… heheheh…." Kait snickered to herself, while enchanting more objects.

The class ended though and she met up with Triana in the hallways.

"How was transfiguration?" she asked.

"Bitchin'. How was charms?" Triana responded.

Kait took out her bewitched items from her bag and gave one to Triana as a present. Kait put the rest in various places around the school.

After a couple more classes they both went to lunch (A/N: I have no clue if Hogwarts serves lunch. Well, today they do. I don't care if they NEVER HAVE BEFORE. They are today).

"Ugh, I need my crap," complained Triana. "Maybe they have it in the kitchens, or wherever they take it to."

"Well that's where the house elves live I guess so we could check down there."

"How do we get down there?"

"Oh, let's ask those kids we met on the train!"

So Kait and Triana went over to the Gryffindor table and found the trio of Hermione, Ron, and Harry.

Triana decided she would be the one to discuss the business without attracting any ears that would snitch.

"So… do you know where we could… uh… score some drugs?" Triana asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"WHAT?!" shrieked Hermione.

"Oh, I mean… how do we get to the kitchens?"

"East of the dungeons there's a portrait. Tickle the pear."

"Thanks! We'll bring you back some." Triana said, winking at them while Kait dragged her away.

They skipped lunch while foraging in the dungeons. On their way to the east side (WEST SIDEEE, TAYIGHT SUCKA! (don't shoot me!)) Triana told Kait about how she snuck into the Hufflepuff tower the previous night. At the end of the story, Kait started cracking up. "What's so funny!?" asked Triana.

"SNAPE GETS OFF TO HENTAI OH MY GOD!" she gasped through fits of laughter.

She continued her giggling all the way to the portrait. Kait decided to tickle the pear and the painting swung open and smacked her right in the face, knocking her to the ground. "AW LORD, MY NOSEEEE!" she screamed, as blood dripped down her lips and chin. Triana had reacted faster than Kait and had moved out of the way in time, so she used her wand to clean up the mess.

They climbed inside the kitchens, and a barrage of house-elves came to their assistance.

"What can we get you, mistresses?" asked a house elf.

"Ooh, mistresses! Sounds… kinky. I like that." said Triana snickering.

"Will you get us… anything?" asked Kait.

"Yes, we must! It is our duty!" piped another creature.

"…even… like… booze?"

"Sure!"

"Triana… we have to come here more often."

"Definitely. But there's no time for beer-pong, now, though! We have a duty. Where's my crap?" Triana asked defiantly.

A bunch of the elves worked to bring it over to her and they lay it at her feet.

"Wow! That was easy. Well, now there IS time for beer-pong. BRING US TWO MARTINIS PLEASE."

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That was fun to write! It took me a little bit, though. Started this at like, 1 and now its 6. Yeah, I might start chapter 7 tonight. I am such a loser. This is way too much fun though. So, yeah, hope you like it. 


	7. Chapter 7: Rapist on the loose!

I got more reviews! Thanks everyone! **I love you all. **You are the ones who give me inspiration to keep writing. You and the fact that I can't get off the computer without thinking about what the hell Triana and Kait are going to do next xD.

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Chapter 7: Some more classes 

Kait and Triana stumbled out of the kitchens, much more inebriated than when they entered. They found their way up to the Great Hall right as lunch was ending, so they decided to resume with their classes, like they should. Triana was way too drunk to find her way to wherever she wanted to go, so she just followed Kait to her next class, potions.

They went back down to the dungeons and sat in the cold dank classroom waiting for Professor Snape to enter. He came in with his long swishing cloak trailing behind him. He went up to his desk in the front of the room and slammed his palms down unto it then looked up at his students. His eyes scanned the room and as they fell upon Triana, his heart leapt and his face turned red. "FIFTEEN POINTS FROM HUFFLEPUFF!" he screamed, pointing to her.

All the Slytherins cheered. Triana didn't really care since she didn't like the Hufflepuffs anymore, but it was still embarrassing to be called out like that in front of the whole class. And she was really drunk. It only worked to her advantage though, since all the Sytherins now praised her.

"I… I… think you did sometin' right…" Kait stammered, holding onto her chair for support from falling over.

Snape flicked his wand and instructions were put on the board for burn-healing paste.

Triana started giggling, "Hey Snape! I bet YOU use burn-healing paste after you j–" _**POW!**_ Snape punched her right in the face. She fell straight to the floor and was out cold.

"That'll teach that stupid whore…." Some of the other students had gathered around her unconscious body but didn't dare say anything to the professor.

They soon went off to their own cauldrons and started on the potion. However, Kait didn't make it very far before she started throwing up everywhere.

"You! What are you doing?!" asked Professor Snape angrily.

"Ungh… I knew I couldn't hold that much tequila… oh man…" and she went into heaving once more.

"Stop that immediately! You are a safety hazard!"

"Your mom's a safety hazard!" she said between her rounds of vomiting.

Snape didn't know what to do. He had one unconscious student, one hurling student, and the rest of the class was staring at him, waiting for his next move.

"Class. Get into the halls." But they stayed, looking at the two girls. "NOW!" The students filed out into the hallway. Some were laughing at the current situation, while some were frightened.

Snape hesitated, not knowing what to do. He went over to the girl and awkwardly held her hair back while she barfed into one of the cauldrons. Oh, this is sooo gross, he thought to himself and he, too, started feeling queasy.

Just then, Triana came out of her unconsciousness. "OH MY GOD, my head!" her hands were clasped around her throbbing skull. "Man… I got SO sloshed this morning. Absolutely ripped… where am I?" she inquired, searching the room with her eyes.

"You are in potions class. You came in and tripped over a desk, hit your head on floor and got knocked out.

"Are you serious!? THIS HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN TIME!" she yelled, and went out of the classroom. When she entered the hallway all the students were out there too, and they started staring at her.

"Great, what the hell, this happens all the damn time too!" And with that, she left the dungeons and staggered around the castle.

However, Kait was still throwing up. Except now she was laughing after Triana's procession out into the dungeons, and this was making her barfing worse and more difficult.

Snape tried all the spells on her that he could, and finally she stopped. She still felt incredibly sick though, and she collapsed to the floor.

"Can I go to Madam Pomfrey, please?"

"Ugh fine. Draco, take her up there."

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The two walked up to the 3rd floor, where the hospital wing was, but they moved very slowly since Kait felt completely sick. 

"What'd you do…?" Draco asked her finally.

"Ugh… well, have you ever had vodka before?"

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"2 shots."

"Okay, multiply that times 5. Within an hour. And I'm smaller than you, keep that in mind."

"Whoa! Where'd you get it all from?!"

"I don't think house-elves really have a sense of… uh, the law." she said, clutching her stomach.

He began to laugh. "And what is with that Triana girl? Was she there too?"

"Yeah, she's my friend. Obviously better at holding her drinks though…."

Draco steadied her and helped her as they walked, and they eventually made it up to the Hospital Wing.

Upon entering, Madam Pomfrey came to their aide. "My goodness, an injury already!? It is the second day of the school year!"

"She's ill, Madam." said Draco, while Kait supported herself on his shoulder.

She sighed. "What's the matter, dear?"

"Um… have you ever drunk alcohol?"

Madame Pomfrey sighed, put her hand to head, and went off to fetch a remedy.

While she was back in her office looking for the mixture, Draco took Kait to a bed and set her upon it, and then he sat next to her. She leaned against him and felt as if she were going to pass out. Draco took her hand in his and held it gently as they waited.

Kait froze. Did he just? Who does he think he is!? DOES HE THINK I'M JUST SOME COMMON PENNY WHORE!!? HELL NO! I AM WORTH WAY MORE THAN THAT! Kait wanted to pull her hand away, but she was afraid of what would happen. She was afraid he would get mad at her and possibly start an altercation, and she felt too sick to deal with anything like that. So, as much as it bothered her, she let him hold her hand. After all, he was being awfully sweet to her, for Draco.

Madam Pomfrey bustled back with a potion, and handed it to Kait. "Here, drink this and you should feel better."

Kait smelled the potion. It smelled like souls, so she drank it. She immediately felt wonderful, like she could win a marathon! Too bad she sucked at running. Kait gave Madam Pomfrey a big hug and skipped out of the hospital wing, with Draco running after her.

"Hey, Kait, wait up!"

"What's up!?" she asked a little too excitedly.

"Let me walk you to your classes," he said slyly. Kait shuddered. God, why did he have to constantly act like a rapist? Couldn't he act sweet or gentle or something?

She made no objection though and they walked together to History of Magic. When they entered the classroom, Kait saw that Triana was already there.

"Hey, where did you go after walking out of the dungeons?" asked Kait.

"Oh, I went to a 2nd year charms class. It kind of sucked 'cause they… were all… better than me…." She burst into tears. "I'M SO PATHETIC I DESERVE TO BE ON HUFFLEPUFF!"

She had not realized that it was a combined class of Slytherins and Hufflepuffs, and they looked over at her in resentment (but being Hufflepuffs, they didn't say anything).

They all attended the rest of their classes together, and during Transfiguration (slytherins didn't have it yet; Triana didn't do anything) Kait was being unusually quiet.

"Kait? Kait?! What's wrong!? Don't throw up again!" Triana waved a hand in front of her face.

Kait mumbled, "Can't you feel all the awkwardness between me and Draco?"

"Aw dang, I didn't even notice! No fair I'm totally missing out!"

At dinner, Triana sat between Kait and Draco, making everyone very uncomfortable.

"So… Draco…" Triana started, trying to divert his attention from Kait, "wanna make out?" Kait put her head down on the table. Smoooth, Triana, real smooth.

This caught Draco's attention though. "Pardon?" he asked.

"I was just wondering what you thought about the headlines in the Daily Prophet today. Those dragons are pretty sweet!"

Draco would rather sit and stare creepily at Kait, but he did not want to be rude by brushing off Triana. "Oh yeah, great stuff. Breathe fire. Eat people." However, he couldn't help his eyes and his mind from travelling to Kait.

After dinner, they all went back to the Slytherin common room. Triana decided to stay with Kait incase Draco tried anything. However, when Kait went to her dormitory to fetch a book for her homework, Draco nonverbally cast the spell Stupefy upon Triana, and she fell over unconscious (second time today!) on the couch. No other Slytherins saw though, since they were all too busy making out with each other.

Draco flicked his wand. The fires became dim and suddenly, a Barry White song started echoing through the entire room.

Kait came down the stairs with her book, and then she noticed her new surroundings. She looked over at Malfoy (who had shoved Triana off the couch) and he was patting the seat next to him and raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Kait stiffly sat down next to him and he scooted closer to her. She was frozen, an absolute statue. Mortified by what was happening to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and used his free hand to pull her chin towards his face.

She looked into his eyes. She looked like a _scared bunny_. She pleaded to him using her facial expression. Don't do it, she thought. What is wrong with you? You barely even know me, sick freak. Sure, it was cute with the Michael Jackson thing, but I didn't like it that much!

His face came closer to hers, his eyes closed and lips poised. She panicked. _Oh god, what do I do!? He's going to rape me!_ She socked him right in the face. He fell off the couch and his eyes grew wide and tearful.

"My love, my darling, my eternal sunshine!" he cried out to her. "Whatever are you doing!?" he was rubbing the side of his face.

She had stood up. "Listen, I… can't do this, Draco. Don't get me wrong, you are pretty nice and stuff but… okay, who am I kidding. You're really creepy and mean. Stay the hell away from me."

She grabbed Triana's limp arms and dragged her out of the common room and into the dungeons.

"No! Please don't do this to me! I NEED YOU!" Malfoy screamed out to her as she left. He collapsed in sobs on the couch.

"Ennervate," she muttered, as the wall closed behind them and they were at last alone in the dungeon.

Triana sat up and looked around. "Dammit, are you serious?! What the hell, this is really getting old! What happened?"

"MALFOY TRIED TO KISS ME!" she said, breaking down into sobs.

"Ew! What'd you do?"

"Clocked him in the face…."

"Good girl. Let's go find somewhere to sleep."

They wandered around the castle for a little while, not knowing where to go. They couldn't find any students to help them break into the other dormitories, so they went out into the grounds.

"Hey, maybe the gamekeeper will let us stay in his cabin!" said Triana enthusiastically.

"You think that we, 2 teenage girls, going to a man's, who lives all alone at the edge of the forest, cabin to stay the night is a good idea?" Kait said mockingly.

"It was only a suggestion…."

They ended up going all the way down to the Quidditch pitch, entering the area under the stands, and making small beds out of straw, and sleeping there.

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FINALLY this chapter is over. I've been working on it for like, the entire day. Instead of studying! Yeah, I'm trying to form a plot. But for a plot, I need a conflict. And to keep it humorous, I need a funny conflict. So I don't know whether to make it a horror conflict or a romance conflict or something like that. Tell me your thoughts in a review! 


	8. Chapter 8: A conflict? Vielleicht!

8 reviews!? Holy crap! I love you guys sooo much!!! Also, I've reached a milestone! 10,000 words!! GJRPOYR5PU6!!!!! We should party sometime.

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The only problem I'm having with writing is that I have tons of ideas but I don't know when to introduce them!! sigh and I have not been able to contact the person who I normally consult for this story (dann 3!!). Ahh, I'm so lonely when I write! And so nervous about _what_ to write.

Chapter 8: A conflict!? Vielleicht!

Triana awoke to a sharp pain in her right arm. She looked over, and a dark silhouette was bent over it, doing something. "HOLY SHIT!" she screamed, and she kicked the figure in the face.

"Ergh, fuck!" yelled the figure, swooping its hand over its head to cover itself. It sprang up and bolted back to the castle on 2 feet.

Triana panicked and looked over at her arm, but the wound was covered with a large pool of blood so she could not depict how severe it was. "Kait, wake up!" She shook Kait with her other arm.

"Wha….?" Kait had not been able to sleep very well the night before, so she was still extremely tired.

"C'mon! I've been _feasted_ upon!" She grabbed Kait's arm and dragged her through the grounds.

Triana felt a terrible pain in the arm, but she kept going towards the castle. 'Oh, I hope Madam Pomfrey is awake!' she thought fearfully.

Kait had finally been able to walk on her own and she trudged behind Triana. It was very early in the morning, so the sun had not risen and it was still dark outside. They finally got up to the large wooden doors and they entered the castle. As she walked towards the hospital wing, Triana left a steady stream of blood behind, much to the disgust of the portraits. Kait flipped them off though if they made an objection, and the pair merely kept walking.

They entered the hospital wing and were extraordinarily grateful to see Madam Pomfrey reading in a rocking chair besides on of the beds. She looked up at them and asked, "What happened?"

"Someone tried to eat me!" Triana choked out.

"At your age!? That is disgusting! Didn't your parents ever teach you any morals!? My goodness, the lechery of these children!" She huffed, shaking her head. Triana was slightly disturbed, and held her hand out to Madam Pomfrey. "Oh…" she blushed.

Madam Pomfrey worked to patch up the wound, which was bleeding heavily. "Am I going to turn into a vampire!?" Triana asked excitedly. "That would so cool! I could go on adventures, live in a coffin, have silver hair, file my fingernails into spears, have a pointy tongue, and be able to flip my eyelids inside-out without using my hands!"

"No, whatever has bitten you doesn't seem to have infected you… sorry. You may have some urges though to impale virgins on lances, though."

Triana looked over at Kait, who was wide-eyed, "Aw, don't worry Kait! I wouldn't betray you! Besides, I know from my unconsciousness in the Slytherin common room that you aren't a vi–"

"Okay, you're all patched up!" said Madam Pomfrey mock-cheerfully, obviously not wanting to know how that sentence would be ended.

The two girls bid their farewells to the healer and risked going back to the Slytherin common room, since no one would be up by now.

"Wait… Triana, do you know what this means!?!" Kait suddenly realized. Triana shook her head. "The person who bit you ran back to the castle! It must be someone in our school! There is someone among us who goes on adventures, lives in a coffin, has silver hair, files his fingernails into spears, has a pointy tongue, and is able to flip his eyelids inside-out without using his hands!"

"I… want… to meet him. I WILL BECOME HIM!" Triana screamed, taking a hold of Kait's robes and shaking her by them.

Kait was slightly frightened and the two did not speak to each other all the way back to their common room. When they entered, they saw that new bulletins had been posted, so they scoured through them, summarizing them to each other.

"Someone lost a hat!"

"Millicent is selling herself for 10 sickles per… never mind…." she trailed off, slightly disturbed.

"Filch asks that no one charms arbitrary objects to look like reproductive organs!"

"Nott needs a tutor!"

Kait inhaled as if she were about to speak, then paused. "Triana… Triana…" she wheezed. "QUIDDITCH!"

The pair started screaming in delight. They had always heard about and sometimes watched Quidditch, but their school never allowed them to take flying lessons or partake in the game.

"I want to be a seeker! Seeker!" Triana shrieked in happiness.

"I'll be a beater! Hit people with bats!!!" Kait whooped in glee.

The two danced around the common room making all the noise they possibly could. Soon, Slytherins started coming down from their dormitories really pissed off.

"I was TRYING to make 10 sickles! But no, I had to be interrupted and now my… patron… is pissed and won't give me money. Thanks." Millicent yelled while coming down the spiral stairs.

"YOU'RE A WHORE! I'M GONNA BE A SEEKER! WOO!" Triana continued chanting and dancing around with Kait.

"Yeah right. Everyone knows Draco is the best seeker in the world." Millicent spurned.

"You seen to be forgetting that I'm on like, 5 different houses. I have to be the best seeker out of one of them!" Triana boasted.

"Too bad for Kait, then." Millicent sneered.

"Who were the beaters last year!?" Kait piped.

She gestured to Crabbe and Goyle, the 2 square giants in the crowd. Some of the others looked at her wiry figure compared to their hulking ones and laughed at her ambition.

"Shit…." Kait let out under her breath. She wouldn't let them defeat her, though. She would have to do something…. Her mind was cleared of that thought, however, when she realized that Draco Malfoy couldn't be found. Crying himself to sleep, maybe, she thought to herself with a little giggle.

The crowd dispersed little by little, realizing they couldn't do anything about it now since they were already awake and couldn't get back to sleep.

Kait and Triana checked the bulletin again, and saw that the tryouts were scheduled for next weekend.

Then they realized that they had never flown a broomstick before.

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This chapter didn't take too long! Only about 4 hours! It's rather short though. Oh well, I hope will suffice. Haha, today I preordered HP7 at my local Borders, AND THEY GAVE ME STICKERS. One is orange and says 'SNAPE will betray' and the other is purple and says 'SNAPE is loyal'. I can't decide which one to wear for the midnight event thing, though cries. 


	9. Chapter 9: Broom Legacy

So! I just watched all the trailers for the new movie… I'M EXCITED! And I realized that the DADA teacher that resides during this fic is Umbridge! Have to have some fun with her, of course. I'm a little disappointed though, because the actress in the movie really does not look anything like I pictured. When the book said toad-like, I thought toad-like. LMAO voldemort makes me laugh.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor did I the last 3 chapters (woops.) Also, I do not own Les Miserables. 

Chapter 9: The Broom Legacy

The pair went to breakfast, deeply entranced in thought about the Quidditch tryouts. Triana was confident; Kait was nervous.

"We'll get someone to teach us, that's all!" said Triana.

"No one will teach us! Maybe someone in another house will teach me, because I won't be any threat to them, but no one will teach you besides… a Hufflepuff." Kait reasoned.

"NO! NOT THEM! Are you kidding me?!!? Aw dang. Where are we going to find a Hufflepuff that even speaks!? This sucks! Or I could find someone who flies but isn't trying out for the Quidditch team?"

"Yeah, like that will work."

"Maybe the vampire guy will teach me if I keep letting him drink my blood!" she said. "It wasn't that bad, and I only passed out once on the way from the common rooms to here!"

Suddenly, the Great Hall doors flung open (since they never just slightly open, do they?) and a shadowy figure stepped in. Instead of the usual robes, he was wearing extremely tight dark jeans, and an all-black short sleeved t-shirt. He was carrying a black messenger bag adorned with band labels, and his hair was black and sleek, falling over one eye. The eye that you could see was surrounded in eyeliner. He kept his pallid face down and walked over to the Slytherin table and sat down next between Theodore Nott and Pansy Parkinson.

Triana tried to stifle her immense giggles by using food. She quickly shoved 5 pieces of toast into her mouth, along with 2 pancakes, 8 pieces of bacon, and 9 raspberries. Kait stared in horror at the boy. 'What the hell? Please don't tell me I'm having classes with this prat the rest of the year….' she thought.

The boy took out a notebook and a pen from his messenger bag. He began writing, occasionally glancing up at the hall looking for words.

Triana could not control it anymore. She spit out all of her food with great fits of laughter, and tears started streaming down her face. She only managed to contain herself by smashing her head against the table numerous times.

"Theodore… what word rhymes with agony? Or… hold on, lemme change that line… what rhymes with tearing apart? Oh! Or soul. Yeah, soul. Beautiful" He asked, making various marks on his paper.

"Uh… I don't know? Coal is close... Why are you asking, Draco?"

"COAL! You've turned my heart to coal… yeah. That's perfect. I'm just expressing my feelings, that's all. Thanks." He stated while scribbling onto the parchment.

Kait was agog (real word). Kait was aghast. Was Marius in love at last? (LMAO, KUDOS TO ANYONE WHO RELATES TO MY NERDINESS.) But anyways, Kait was shocked. That was Draco!? What the hell has gotten into him!?

Triana was in absolute hysterics now. She could handle a regular emo kid, but… it was DRACO! She leaned on the person she was sitting next to (some 2nd year) because she could not support herself through her laughing explosion.

Kait stopped eating and got up. She went to the other end of the table, looking for a first year. She spotted one and approached her. "You! Gimme your schedule,"

The first year complied, and Kait scanned through it. Flying lessons, 4th class. Perfect, that was her free period!

Triana got up, wiping her eyes. They attended all their classes together, and when 4th period rolled around they went out to the grounds, following the short kids.

Madam Hooch was standing on the grounds with the brooms in rows in front of her. Yeah, think back to the 1st movie. You know how this scene goes. Except, instead of Malfoy being an asshole and stuff (that comes later, way to foreshadow), it pretty much went normally. After Kait and Triana had mastered their brooms, Madam Hooch let them use some of the Quidditch equipment to practice, since they told her they would be trying out next weekend.

"Madam Hooch, did you ever notice that your name is really close to hooker?" asked Kait as she flew around the arena.

"I… no… I didn't. Excellent observation. 3 points to Ravenclaw!"

"Fuck…" she muttered under her breath.

She and Triana flew around for a little bit, playing with the snitch and the bludgers (or trying). The pair took to flying easily, and they flew over and across the grounds as fast as they could. They soared above the castle and swooped about the towers and glided on the air.

Kait was very high in the air when she heard a definitive _crack!_ and she suddenly felt herself falling and falling. Triana was busy dipping down and skimming the bottom of the lake with her feet, so she did not notice Kait's plummet.

Kait was so afraid these would be the last minutes of her life. "AHH! HOLY FUCK! OH MY GOD YOU SHITTY BROOM WHAT THE HELL!!" and then, instead of a life-ending collision with the ground, she felt herself land gently in someone's arms. Her eyes had been closed in fear and she was reluctant to open them. 'Am I in heaven?' she thought. She felt herself being laid on the grass, and someone touched her hair. 'Oh god, I hope I'm not in heaven or else I'm going to feel really creeped out the whole time.'

Then, she heard a soft voice saying, "I used Diffindo on your broom so that you could hear me convey my heart to you," and then the sound of an acoustic guitar.

Her eyes popped open, and she was immediately blinded by the sunlight. "AH SHIT MY EYES!" she screamed, and she rolled over, right into Draco's lap. "Oh my god, what the hell!?"

Draco stayed silent and began to play on his guitar. In an off-key voice, he sang:

"Whenever I look at you, it tears apart my soul,

Because with your spurning voice, you've turned my heart to coal,

I still love you; please take me back for whatever I have done!

My lovely Kait, you are my number one!"

He started strumming violently and Kait could not understand the chorus because he screamed it all.

"OHH KAIT, PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME!

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I'LL EVER SEE!

I NEED YOU OR I WILL SURELY DIE IN DESPAIR!!

MY WORLD IS PITCH BLACK WHEN YOU'RE NOT THERE!!!"

He shrieked and yelled the rest of the words until the end of the song. He looked over at Kait with mournful eyes. She didn't clap, so he burst into tears and ran away up to the castle with his guitar.

A crowd had gathered around the two, and they started sniggering and whispering to each other. Kait was left there completely dumbfounded, until Triana came over.

"What was that about?" she asked while helping Kait up on her feet.

"I have no idea…" she said, rather embarrassed by the whole ordeal. Then she looked at her broom that Draco had split with Diffindo. "Oh, damn! Madam Hooch is going to kill me!"

Just then, the pair saw Hermione strolling over with Ron and Harry behind her. "Does Malfoy have some kind of, like… thing for you or something?" Harry asked.

"Ugh, yeah I think so…" Kait responded grimly.

Ron started gagging. "That's disgusting! Ugh, nasty." He shook his head, trying to get rid of the image.

"What were you doing out here with brooms anyway?" Hermione asked.

"We took flying lessons with some 1st years!" said Triana happily.

"Oh… and Madam Hooch let you?" Hermione inquired.

"Teehee Madam Hooker…" Kait said under her breath.

"Pardon?"

"Oh, nothing. Can you repair this?" she asked Hermione.

"Reparo!"

The broom mended itself. Triana and Kait gave their thanks and walked back to Madam Hooch. The first years were now catching on to flying, and started doing tricks to impress each other. They gave their brooms back to Madam Hooch and thanked her, then returned to the castle.

"So all we have to do is keep practicing up until the Quidditch tryouts!" said Kait excitedly.

"Where will we get the brooms, though?" asked Triana, worrying that her hopes for the tryout would come crashing down around her.

"…hmm. I think its time we take a trip to Hogsmeade."

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Eh. This chapter had its moments. So… I decided I really want to dress up when I go see HP5 in theatres. That would be SO FUN. Except none of my friends are nerdy enough to come with me. AHAHA, my friend who is a harry potter nerd said that she would never sink as low as to write a fanfic. If she knew about this, I don't think she would have said it. By the way, the songs mine. Don't take it. Even though it sucks. 


	10. Chapter 10: Hogsmeade!

I'm starting Chapter 10 early since I am going to do terribly on my Latin final tomorrow, so it really doesn't matter if I study or not! Do you think I should change the genre that this is? I think it's rather presumptuous to label it as 'Humor' since that is like, claiming it's funny.

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Chapter 10: Hogsmeade! 

The next day was conveniently a weekend (The Quidditch tryouts are NEXT weekend. Yeah).

Kait woke Triana up with a push out of her bed. "WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD! WE HAVE RULES TO BREAK!" Triana fell to the floor, revealing sheets that were soaked in blood.

"HOLY HELL!" Kait shrieked as she saw the mess. She looked over at Triana's body on the floor, and saw that her leg had a large wound in it. "Locomotor Corpus!" she yelled, and Triana's body was levitated into the air. She maneuvered the body down from the dormitories and out of the common room, up to the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey was getting pretty pissed off since they were always there. "What the hell do you want!?" she yelled at them.

"Uh, Triana's dying."

"Jesus, fine. Put her on a bed."

Kait lowered Triana onto a bed then put her wand away. This was ridiculous. They had to do something about whatever the heck kept drinking her blood. Madam Pomfrey soon patched her up and they left the hospital wing.

"So, do you feel up for Hogsmeade today?" asked Kait to Triana, whom she was supporting as they walked.

"We've never been to Hogsmeade! And I don't think it's one of the regulated weekends for it…" thought Triana aloud, trying to think.

"At dinner yesterday, I was talking to Ron and Harry about where to buy brooms, and they said we could go to Hogsmeade to get one if we snuck out!" Kait replied.

"Ooh! Where can we sneak out?"

"There's some one-eyed witch statue on the 5th floor, and if you tap her hump and say 'Dissendium' it opens up this stone slide passage thing. When you hit the bottom you are in the cellar of Honeydukes!"

"Tap her hump…? Sounds… erotic."

Kait sighed. "Do you want to go or not?"

"Sure! Let's get sexied up."

They raced down to the Slytherin common room, and tried to decide what to wear. Kait looked good in oranges and yellows, for she had tan skin. As I've mentioned, she also had a blue mohawk. Normally this hair color would not look good with her skin tone, but her vibrant blue eyes allowed her to pull it off. Her eyes were round and more circular than most. They were very different from Triana, who had wide squinty eyes. Triana was also very fair, and amber freckles gathered on the summits of her cheeks. Her hair was amber as well, and it fell in tight waves (but not curls) midway down her back. Kait was medium-height and lean; Triana was short and muscular, stocky. They both had the figures of 9-year-old boys, however, much to their dismay.

Kait left the common room wearing a tight pair of dark jeans and a soft gold long knit sweater, and Triana was wearing a violet long-sleeved shirt with light blue jeans. They did their hair and makeup to perfectly coordinate with their outfits. Yes, they could be girly sometimes.

They made their way up to the 5th floor, where the statue was waiting for them. They were watching for teachers, because it was unusual for students to be out of their robes during the day. However, they suddenly felt a presence behind them and they turned around to see none other then Professor Dumbledore.

"Hello girls! Looking might fine today. Triana, I see you're blossoming quite nicely! Would either of you like some candy? It's back in my office."

"SUR–" started Triana, but Kait cut her off.

"NO! I mean, no thanks. We're… uh… watching our weights. Triana's getting kind of chunky."

"You bitch!" Triana yelled, and she leapt at Kait.

"Ooh! Catfight!" said Dumbledore, quivering with excitement.

Kait dashed away from Triana, but she quickly pursued. Dumbledore could not keep up, and he sadly gave up the chase.

Kait rounded a corner and stopped, and Triana pounced at her immediately. "Finally we're away from that dirty old pervert…" Kait sighed, holding off Triana.

"You called me fat, you cheap… wench!"

"It was just a ploy to reject the candy. It's probably drugged or something," she added, shuddering.

Triana gave up the brawl and followed Kait to the statue. Kait 'tapped the hump' and said Dissendium. It opened up for her onto a narrow, steep stone slide.

"I AM GOING FIRST." Triana declared, and she jumped through the gap and down the fall.

Kait climbed in too and allowed gravity to work its magic. They were soon both sliding through various twists and turns employed to keep up their momentum. It took ages to reach the bottom, however, and the two girls became quite bored on their descent.

"Triana! Oh my god, Triana! I bet someone died down here because it took so long! And then their skeleton blocked the next person from getting through, too! And there'll be a whole _plethora_ of dead, or even worse, DYING people at the end! Holy god!! SEND ME BACK SEND ME BACK!!!" She started screaming and tried to reverse herself and climb back up the slide. It was far too slippery and far too steep, and she soon had to resolve herself to her sad, sad fate.

But where would we be if the story ended now? No where. Like 15,000 words. Naw suckers, I'm going for 100,000 + so these two ladies are in for a long life.

Finally, after an eternity, they fell onto the floor of the cellar of Honeydukes. They nicked various candies from the back, which they were not accustom to, and went up the stairs to the main floor.

As they climbed up the ladder leading to a trapdoor going to the ground floor, Triana became worried, and in a hush whispered to Kait, "What if they find us!? They are going to see us. We need… a diversion!"

Kait thought for a minute, and then came up with her MASTER plan. "Sonorus," she uttered, and her voice would now be booming. She called out, "ATTENTION, ALL MEN AND WOMEN, THERE IS A 10 DISCOUNT ON THE HORDES OF BIMBOS IN THE STREETS! THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS, LADIES **AND MEN** OF THE EVENING IN THE ROAD! PROSTITUTES, BIMBOS, HARLOTS, TRAMPS, SLUTS, STRUMPETS, SKANKS, FLOOZIES, TROLLOPS, HOOKERS, AND WHORES! WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THEM, WE'VE GOT THEM IN EVERY SIZE, SHAPE, COLOR AND SERVING TO ANY FETISH YOU'D LIKE! THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER GOING ON OUTSIDE IN THE STREETS! MEN AND WOMEN SEX SLAVES ARE JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO CLAIM THEM!"

They heard a stampede above them as everyone moved into the streets. They ran up through the trapdoor and flung themselves outside into the roads as well. "Quietus," Kait mumbled as softly as she could, for she was still magically loud when she said it. Through all the commotion, though, no one heard her and they were safe.

After realizing it was all a hoax, the employees of all the stores sadly returned back to their vocations. Kait and Triana stayed there, and then started searching for the store that would sell broomsticks. They ventured up and down the streets, when finally they came upon the shop. It was called "Fly me to the Moon," and in the windows were various broomsticks of different sizes, shapes, and color (sounds like the prostitute advertisement…).

The two girls went in and examined the brooms. They both adored the Firebolt because it was really shiny. They both decided upon those, and shelled out for them. They came out cherishing their new items, and wanted to test them out. After getting on the brooms, they used their heels to kick off from the ground a little and zoomed around in the streets. After their joyride, they decided to go back to the castle before they got caught.

"I don't think we can fly directly onto their grounds… it'd be very dangerous if they allowed anyone to fly onto their land," Kait said.

"Ron did it."

"SHUT UP, THAT'S TOO EASY. Here, I have a plan."

They entered Honeydukes with their brooms. They saw a bored man in his 20's sitting behind the counter. He was reading the newspaper when they came in, and he did not look up at them. They approached the counter, and Triana gripped her broom tightly.

"YO! THINK FAST!" _**POW!**_ Triana smacked the man upside the head with her broomstick, and he fell to the floor unconscious (or dead, they didn't care to check).

"All right! Go Triana!" Kait cheered.

"But Kait, how do we get to Hogwarts?"

"We _fly_ of course! It's easy! Just think of a wonderful thought!" (Disclaimer, I don't own Peter Pan. Sadly.)

Anyways, the two girls managed to fly back up the stone slide. It was a tight fit, but they made it. Before they reached the top, Kait yelled 'Dissendium!' so that they didn't end up crashing into the witch once they got to the opening. Once they were out of the statue, they couldn't resist flying down to their dormitories.

Once entering the common room, Blaise shouted in surprise, "Woah! Where'd you get those!?"

"Snape gave 'em to us for giving him a handj–" Kait started.

Triana cut in, "WE FOUND THEM."

That was enough for Blaise. He went back to whatever he was doing, and the two girls put their brooms up in their dormitory.

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This took forever… blah, oh well. I hoped this chapter was decent! I haven't really been forceful about this before and it shows so:: REVIEW DAMMIT! There are CRAPPY STORIES that have like 2 chapters but 19 reviews! I get like 1 review per chapter! You can do better than that! 


	11. Chapter 11: Quidditch Tryouts

Ahh last day of school! Hopefully updates will stay consistent, but I might be very busy so I don't know!

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Chapter 11: Quidditch Tryouts

The week came and went. Every night, the two girls went down to the field to practice and would do their homework the next day at breakfast and lunch. They would always be permitted to use the Quidditch equipment by Madam Hooch, who was growing increasingly popular between the two girls.

On one occasion, Kait had prompted Madam Hooch by saying, "Hey! Madam Hooch, have you ever been down to the kitchens!? You should come down with us some time. You look like a lady who can hold her booze!"

She was rather flattered, but kept her manner principled. Meanwhile, the two girls improved. They would release the snitch and the bludgers, and while Triana would go after the snitch, Kait would try to hit her with the bludgers. It was a good system, and they both improved immensely from when they first started. However, Kait was afraid she would not be as strong as the beaters from the year previous. She was doing pushups and chin-ups every night and lifting weights, but Crabbe and Goyle were like mountains of pure muscle. Or fat, but it still gave them good force. (Remember kids, force is mass multiplied by acceleration!) So, Triana could attach things to her arms to give it more mass, but it might give her less speed. She would have to stick to muscle building. She was also downing protein shakes, protein bars, and protein fruits everyday, at hourly intervals.

Also out every evening was Draco Malfoy. He would always come and watch the two girls practice, but mainly eye Kait. He was still clad in black, wielding his acoustic guitar and messenger bag. He would sometimes strum out songs that he was working on, and then would call out to Kait, asking if she liked them. She was always too busy concentrating on the sport to answer him, but it didn't discourage him (even though she wished it would).

The biting of Triana had not stopped either, but Madam Pomfrey gave her potions to keep her blood levels up, which was helping her immensely.

On Friday evening, Triana attended the Ravenclaw tryouts. Kait had come to cheer her on, and more importantly, to see how the beater tests were being conducted. Triana did not make this team, much to her disappointment, some ho did. The following morning, the Slytherin trials were being conducted. They both woke up with a sick stomach. It was a bright dewy morning, and they both made their way to the pitch after eating their breakfasts. Triana wanted to be on this team more than anything, for she would get to play with Kait if she made it, but she had doubts in herself. For Kait, this was the only team she had a possibility of playing for, so this test was pivotal.

First, the captain, Montague, had groups of 10 fly around the pitch to weed out who could actually handle themselves on a broom. This helped the girls' confidence, for a lot of the younger students did really crappily, and they were eliminated. First the chaser assessment was completed. Montague, Pucey, and Warrington were the ones accepted for that position. Next, there were the keeper auditions. After many complaints and a few hexes thrown, Bletchley took that responsibility. Finally it was the moment Kait had been waiting for. Montague asked the beaters trying out to form a line. Oh god, oh god, oh god, she thought to herself rapidly. She was the only girl in the line. Or maybe some of them were girls who just looked and sounded like guys. There were a lot of them on Slytherin.

The test included a person hitting bludgers toward a quaffle that had been enchanted to fly around at a high speed. This test was more difficult to judge than the others, because there was always a tie for who hit the most, and then they had to judge those people by how close the rest of the shots were to the targets. They went one by one, and some returned in pride while others returned in shame.

By the time Kait was up for her trial, the highest amount of times the quaffle had been hit was 3, and this was achieved by 2 people. She stepped up with her broom and bat in hand, shot a grimace to Triana who was looking at her nervously from the stands, and mounted.

"Name?" Montague asked without looking up.

"Kait," she said anxiously.

At the sound of a feminine voice and name, he looked up shocked to see her trying out. "Uh, Kait what?" he stuttered out.

"Kudryávtsev," she said. He looked up at her, bewildered. "Exactly," she replied to his stare, and took off.

Kait kicked off the ground. Immediately, the scary sensation of floating in the air caught up with her stomach. She gripped the handle tightly in her hand as she flew, and the other hand held the bat. Her heart was racing and she could hear it in her ears, and in fact it was the only sound she could hear. She blocked all the other noise out. She looked at the quaffle, whirring around the pitch doing mild dives and turns. She sought the bludger and found it. Flying up towards it, she took her hand off the handle to grip the bat with two hands. She followed the bludger until it hesitated at a slight pause.

This was her chance! Gripping the bat, she threw her hands backwards and then shot them forward powerfully with all her might into the direction of the quaffle. The bludger hurled violently but directly to the quaffle and hit it dead on. 'Yes!' she silently cheered inside of herself, and Triana stood up cheering and yelling. The quaffle was smacked away and the bludger went off on its own tangent. She waited for the quaffle to get back to its pattern before stalking the bludger once more. She repeated the same pattern she had done the previous times, knocking the quaffle off its course 2 more times, and narrowly missing the other 2 (they were allowed 5 shots in total).

She flew down onto the field, greeted by the same applause as everyone else had gotten except for Draco and Triana, who both gave her a standing ovation.

So, she had achieved the high score, now all she could hope for would be the captain to decide she had come closer in her missed shots than the other beaters had. The rest of the students auditioned, only 1 other person had made 3 shots.

So there were four people in the running. She, Crabbe, Goyle, and some 4th year. She looked at them in nervousness, but they stared back at her with cruel, evil glances.

Montague talked with some other older slyerthins for a great long time. After a while, they all nodded their heads in agreement and Montague stood up with a piece of paper that he had written on during the auditions. He looked down at the paper and cleared his throat before reading, "Thank you all for participating in the tryout. I'd take all of you if I could, but most of you sucked. Okay, the beaters for the team will be Crabbe and Kait."

Some slytherins snorted or snickered in some way but many remained quiet. However, Kait screamed and went over to Triana, who was also squealing. They danced around and whooped in the stands and the guys all stared at them.

"Okay, auditioning seekers please line up," Montague announced, and Triana left the stands to go to the pitch. These tests were determined by who could get the snitch in the shortest amount of time. Each time, the next auditioner would turn their back to the pitch to allow the snitch to be relocated after the previous person caught it. Then they would turn, fly up on their broom sticks, and have to catch the snitch. No one was told their times, but those who had a very short time were also close together. It was hard to determine who was going to get the position if one were a spectator, but the captain had a timer going for them.

When it was Draco's turn, he blew a kiss to Kait before taking off. She could tell he was good at seeking. He almost immediately spotted the snitch and went after it; however, it was hard for him to actually catch it. Kait couldn't take the suspense. She knew if he caught it soon he would definitely get the position. Some other Slytherins were cheering him on, so why couldn't she? She stood up in the stands and called out, "Draco, I love you!"

His gaze immediately snapped from the snitch to the stands, and he saw her waving to him. He flew straight over to her, ignoring the snitch. He actually went into the stands to right where she was sitting and grabbed her hand. Everyone stared. "Really!? Oh Kait, do you really mean it? I've pined for you for so long! Just say it once more!" He stared up at her with blue, expectant eyes that were so hopeful it hurt her.

"I… love you…?" she muttered, and Draco immediately hurtled his lips into hers for a kiss. Kait wanted to hurl during it, but she dealt with it so it would be over. He flew off and caught the snitch a little bit after. It was a great time, but she didn't know how it compared to everyone else's because she was too sick to judge it.

Triana was next though, and Kait perked up. She announced her name to Montague who was, again, shocked. She turned her back as everyone else did, and closed her eyes as she waited for his voice to cue her. On the signal, she darted her broomstick in the air before turning around. 'I can turn faster up here than down there,' she thought, and started scanning the pitch for the tiny golden ball. She stayed low to the ground hoping to catch a glint off of it from the sun, and she soon did. She used mental calculus (if there is such a feat) and flew to the area the snitch was going towards, to shorten her chasing time. She grasped the ball in her hand in an astounding time, but no one was yet sure if it compared to the other times of players yet.

After the rest of the tryouts, Montague stood up as he had done the past 3 times, with his paper in hand and head staring downward. "It came down to milliseconds, here, so I feel slightly bad about having to announce the position. But I have no soul, so I don't actually feel sorry. The new seeker is Lirded."

Silence. "OH!" Triana shouted. "That's me!"

The two girls shouted in glee, and the auditions ended. The entire team decided to celebrate, so Kait and Triana took them down to the kitchens before going back to the common room

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This chapter was giving me SO much trouble at first but after a little bit it picked up and before I knew it I was over 1,000 words! And with this, we mark our 15,000 WORD MILESTONE!! KEGG PARRTTYY!!! 


	12. Chapter 12: Doesn't get a title

Yeah, sorry I haven't written in a while, BUT WHAT THE HELL!? ONLY 11 REVIEWS FOR 11 CHAPTERS THAT I WORKED VERY HARD TO WRITE!?! I TRIED TOUGH LOVE, NICE LOVE, NO LOVE, AND I NEVER GET RESULTS DAMNIT!

You all don't even deserve a chapter. You are LUCKY.

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Ch. 12: OH SCREW THE DAMN TITLE 

After the tryouts, the team trudged down to the Slytherin common room after making a stop at the kitchens and had a party. The played drunken Exploding Snap on broomsticks, and raced each other around the common room knocking things over. Kait wasn't in much of a mood to drink, though, for she was still replaying the evening's events in her mind. Triana was living it up, however. She was playing drinking games with Warrington and Pucey, but they didn't get very far until they started making up spells.

"Hey… hey… KAIT! Kait! Look at this," she said sniggering, "_Sluttio Whoricus_!" she pointed her wand at herself, and her clothes and face were soon transformed. She was now wearing a red tube top and a denim miniskirt and black vinyl boots with a 6'' heel. Her hair was now bleach-blond with dark roots, and she had black clumpy mascara on her eyelashes, surrounded by blue eye shadow and there was hot pink lipstick on her lips. "I'm a hooker! Oh my god, I bet it gave me real STD's too! I HAVE CRABS! Aahahahaha!" and she soon fell over onto a couch in hysterics, but continued sipping her fire whiskey.

Warrington, whose face was now decorated with red splotches, pointed his wand at his pants. "Engorgio!" he said, grinning as Pucey spit out some of his drink. His face soon turned to panic though, "Oh god make it stop! MAKE IT STOP! REDUCIO!" he screamed and after a little while he took a moment to glance down his trousers. "Oh Jesus, I'm a woman!" He started sobbing on an armchair while Pucey passed out onto the floor, still laughing.

Kait was worrying. Malfoy thought they were an item now! Ew… creepy bastard…. How could she get rid of him? Just then, speak of the devil, Draco came down and sat next to her.

"Hey my little shnooky-poo! Do you want anything to drink, my lovely little tulip-nose?" he asked her, dotting the tip of her nose with his index finger.

She shuddered, "No… I'm fine. Thanks… dear," she added hastily, due to the let-down look on his face.

"You know… the Hogsmeade trip is coming up…" he chatted, moving his fingers across the back of the couch in a walking motion closer to her, as if attempting to put his arm around her soon.

"Oh, really?" she asked, feigning surprise, "that's great!"

He leaned closer, "We should make it special," he whispered into her ear.

Again, she shuddered and tried as hard as she could to back away from him without moving. "Yeah. Right. Well, I'm bushed. I'll… uh, see you tomorrow then. Night." She hastily kissed his cheek and ran up to her dormitory. EW, SICK. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH HIM? She felt dirty, and quickly changed into her pajamas and fell asleep, plotting ways to get rid of him.

The next day she awoke to a clear, cold Sunday morning. She dressed and went down to the common room, expecting to go to breakfast. However, there were many passed out people littered around the area, and she decided that since the two house prefects were among them, she had better wake them all up. She moved about, crouching over each person muttering, "Ennervate." When she reached a certain blond figure on the floor, though, she asked a person who was coming to if he could revive him for her, and she scampered off to breakfast with Triana.

"Ugh, god… my head… hey, that's weird! I wasn't bitten last night! Maybe it will stop, now!" Triana said, as they walked up the stairs of the dungeon to the Entrance Hall. Kait hardly paid any attention to her though, as they went through the double doors to the Great Hall. They walked over to the Slytherin table and sat down. They were the only ones there above third year level. Obviously, everyone else had gone to the party last night and were just now awaking.

Soon, more people came down and the table filled up. Then, as Draco came over, he pointed to the 4th year girl sitting next to Kait. "You! GET UP! ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY WOMAN!? LEAVE RIGHT NOW. MY FATHER WILL _KILL_ YOU!"

The small girl ran away crying. Draco sat down and leaned his head on Kait's shoulder. "Good morning, my lovely goddess. Did you sleep well? I dreamt of you…" he trailed off, stroking her hair.

Oh god, this has got to stop. Really, is he trying to alienate me in every way possible?! Kait was desperate, but she was too afraid to break up with him, because she knew he would take it really badly. So what could she do?

A few more days of this unrelenting torture passed, and the Hogsmeade weekend loomed ever closer. Kait, suddenly, in the middle of the night was struck with a plan SO DEVIOUS she knew that it would have to work. She couldn't believe how clever she was! She felt so wonderfully deceitful and wicked that she could not sleep from all the pride that swelled within her.

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Yeah, it's short, but so are your reviews! -turns away to hide HER TEARS- 


	13. Chapter 13: Kait's Devilish Plan

Just… god, when any other author asks for reviews, they get them! But you lazy bastards don't feel like rising to the occasion, do you!?! No, you sick WHORES, YOU WOULD RATHER SEE ME SUFFER.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Wizard of Oz. But I do own your mom. 

Chapter 13: Kait's Devilish Plan

It was too early to be awake, but Kait had given up sleeping a long time ago. It was Thursday, and the Hogsmeade trip was only 2 days from now! She had to get rid of him, and she knew perfectly how to do it. She went over what she was going to say in her mind. Oh, this was going to be good… this was going to be very, very good.

She finally rose from her bed and took a shower and then put on her robes. She did up her hair, which was now getting almost too long to wear in a mohawk, but she managed with the help of magic.

She looked all right, but now she just had to wait for her prey… boyfriend. She went down to the common room and decided to work on some homework. Slowly but surely, students leaked out from their dormitories and went down to breakfast. Then, just as she was putting her essay and books away, Draco swaggered down the stairs. She slapped on the biggest smile that she could, bounced off the couch, and sprinted over to her man.

"Good morning Drakie-poo! Did you sleep well!? Today's Thursday! You know what that means?! 2 days away from our special weekend!" She beamed.

"Yeah, shnookie wookie! I can't wait! It's going to be so wonderful, just you and me the whole day together!" He said just as eagerly back to her.

Good, good, perfect. Lure him into a false sense of security….

They left the common room together holding hands and traipsed up to breakfast. (I keep wanting to say down, but they're in the dungeons so I can't.) They sat together in the Great Hall making goo-goo eyes at each other while feeding the other bites of chocolate chip pancakes.

While Draco was reaching across the table for more fruit to feed to her, Kait took a quick peek at their schedule for the day. Free-period… 2nd. No, that won't do… guess I'll have to do it at lunch then…. Draco turned back to her with full affection, and leaned in to kiss her. Kait, like all the other times, used the 'play dead' trick. She would just stiffen up and wait for it to be over. He always told her she was a great kisser though, so their must be some use to that… she started thinking but was interrupted when he forced his tongue into her mouth. OH MY GOD! Her eyes went wide and her heart raced furiously. Why did people do this!? This is absolutely foul! Her hands raced to the table, and she clutched her goblet on it for emotional support. She tried doing something back, to avoid suspicion, so she leaned her head in closer and tried moving her tongue with his.

Ughh, she felt nauseous and was sure she was about to gag. Oh well, she thought, I'll just have to deal with it… c'mon Kait, suck it up. It only makes your plan work better…. The kiss finally ended and the cheers and whoops coming from the surrounding students stopped too. Kait tried to avoid looking into Draco's eyes, it was way too awkward.

The breakfast soon ended and Kait went off to her class with, again, Draco. They sat down in History of Magic together, and instead of paying attention (which no one ever did anyway), they passed love notes to each other.

However, Professor Binns was in a bad mood today. If he was able to pick things up, he would be throwing things at the wall. But alas, he couldn't. Anyway, upon seeing the couple passing the notes, he burst out in anger, "Excuse me, Kait and Draco, do you have something to add that is more important than the Goblin rebellions of the 1700s?"

"No, Professor Bi—" Kait responded quickly.

"READ IT!" he shrieked, pointing at her.

Kait stood up, and felt her knees trembling as if they were going to give out. She picked up one of the notes Draco had passed her, and unfolded it in her shaking hands. She cleared her throated, and opened her mouth to speak. "Y-your eyes are like sapph-phires, gleaming i-in the clear w-winter light…" Triana snickered, but Kait went on, "Your s-skin is the color of t-treacle fudge, glowing in even the d-darkest of night…" she breathed to begin the next line, but Professor Binns cut her off.

"Who is this note from, Kait?" he asked, grinning. She cocked her head to the side where Draco was sitting. "Draco? All right, fine then, that will do." Kait sat down and put her head in her hands, mortified, hearing the classes muffled laughter around her. God, that was embarrassing. Draco put his arms around her, and for once she did not object subconsciously to leaning on him. It will all be over soon anyway….

The rest of their classes for the morning came and went without a hitch, and the pair went off to lunch together. They were on the third floor when Kait decided to initiate phase 1 of her plan. "Oh, Draco, I am so glad we've gotten together! This was a match made in heaven!"

"Oh, darling, I feel the same way! We're going to be together forever," he said smiling, squeezing her hand.

"Draco, I have to tell you something…"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I've figured that since we've been together for so long and since were obviously destined for each other, I can really open up to you."

"Of course you can!"

"Oh I'm so glad you agree! I knew I could trust you. That's why I have to tell you…" she leaned closer to his ear, "…I'm really a man—"

"Well, I've always been bi—"

"—and I have ED," she finished, covering up his last words with her own.

He stayed silent. Then, he spoke, "Kait, I am really the wrong type of guy for you. Seriously, you deserve better than me! I know if we stay together, I'll only hurt you."

She pretended as if this were some fatal blow to her. "What!? Draco, oh please, no!"

"Yes, yes, dear. I've made up my mind. We just… can't see each other anymore. It's not you, it's me. I'll only hinder you!"

Fake tears poured from Kait's eyes. They had continued walking and were now on the marble staircase leading to the Entrance Hall. As they made their way down, many people stared at the scene playing out before them. As Draco and Kait reached the floor of the Entrace Hall, they stopped and a crowd circled around them.

"Draco," she choked out in between sobs, "I th-thought we were meant to be!"

Draco noticed the crowd around him, and decided he had to finalize things in front of them. He didn't want to appear soft. "No, no. You deserve better than me, you know that."

"I don't care!" she fell onto her knees shaking, "You're the one th-that I want!"

He sighed and picked her up off the floor. "You know it's all for the best."

He let go of her and paced to the Great Hall. Kait tore off up the marble staircase, emitting great wails from her throat and heavy tears from her eyes. As soon as she came to a deserted corridor, she stopped. Yes! I did it! I'm rid of him! DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH! DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD! WAKE UP YOU SLEEPY HEADS! RUB YOUR EYES, GET OUT OF BED! WAKE UP, THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

She pranced and skipped all the way up to the 7th floor. On the 5th floor, she came upon Mr. Filch lurking through the corridors, and he yelled at her for not being down at lunch.

She only could beam at him though, "Do you want a hug!?"

"I—what? well, I guess I could… use one… I mean, you know…"

She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big squeeze before skipping off again.

She didn't want to go down to lunch! She just wanted to stay up here in these lovely hallways and never have to deal with problems again! Oh, isn't life wonderful!?

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Ugh, this chapter wasn't funny. ;( sorry. want to see something funny though? check out the Potter Puppet Pal's Yule Ball Video Performance (its on their site) it is hilarious. i wish i wouldve went to that xD. 

GIVE ME REVIEWS PLEASE :(


	14. Chapter 14: A Shocking Discovery

8 reviews!? Holy crap! I love you guys sooo much!!! Also, I've reached a milestone! 10,000 words!! GJRPOYR5PU6!!!!! We should party sometime.

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The only problem I'm having with writing is that I have tons of ideas but I don't know when to introduce them!! sigh and I have not been able to contact the person who I normally consult for this story (dann 3!!). Ahh, I'm so lonely when I write! And so nervous about _what_ to write.

Chapter 8: A conflict!? Vielleicht!

Triana awoke to a sharp pain in her right arm. She looked over, and a dark silhouette was bent over it, doing something. "HOLY SHIT!" she screamed, and she kicked the figure in the face.

"Ergh, fuck!" yelled the figure, swooping its hand over its head to cover itself. It sprang up and bolted back to the castle on 2 feet.

Triana panicked and looked over at her arm, but the wound was covered with a large pool of blood so she could not depict how severe it was. "Kait, wake up!" She shook Kait with her other arm.

"Wha….?" Kait had not been able to sleep very well the night before, so she was still extremely tired.

"C'mon! I've been _feasted_ upon!" She grabbed Kait's arm and dragged her through the grounds.

Triana felt a terrible pain in the arm, but she kept going towards the castle. 'Oh, I hope Madam Pomfrey is awake!' she thought fearfully.

Kait had finally been able to walk on her own and she trudged behind Triana. It was very early in the morning, so the sun had not risen and it was still dark outside. They finally got up to the large wooden doors and they entered the castle. As she walked towards the hospital wing, Triana left a steady stream of blood behind, much to the disgust of the portraits. Kait flipped them off though if they made an objection, and the pair merely kept walking.

They entered the hospital wing and were extraordinarily grateful to see Madam Pomfrey reading in a rocking chair besides on of the beds. She looked up at them and asked, "What happened?"

"Someone tried to eat me!" Triana choked out.

"At your age!? That is disgusting! Didn't your parents ever teach you any morals!? My goodness, the lechery of these children!" She huffed, shaking her head. Triana was slightly disturbed, and held her hand out to Madam Pomfrey. "Oh…" she blushed.

Madam Pomfrey worked to patch up the wound, which was bleeding heavily. "Am I going to turn into a vampire!?" Triana asked excitedly. "That would so cool! I could go on adventures, live in a coffin, have silver hair, file my fingernails into spears, have a pointy tongue, and be able to flip my eyelids inside-out without using my hands!"

"No, whatever has bitten you doesn't seem to have infected you… sorry. You may have some urges though to impale virgins on lances, though."

Triana looked over at Kait, who was wide-eyed, "Aw, don't worry Kait! I wouldn't betray you! Besides, I know from my unconsciousness in the Slytherin common room that you aren't a vi–"

"Okay, you're all patched up!" said Madam Pomfrey mock-cheerfully, obviously not wanting to know how that sentence would be ended.

The two girls bid their farewells to the healer and risked going back to the Slytherin common room, since no one would be up by now.

"Wait… Triana, do you know what this means!?!" Kait suddenly realized. Triana shook her head. "The person who bit you ran back to the castle! It must be someone in our school! There is someone among us who goes on adventures, lives in a coffin, has silver hair, files his fingernails into spears, has a pointy tongue, and is able to flip his eyelids inside-out without using his hands!"

"I… want… to meet him. I WILL BECOME HIM!" Triana screamed, taking a hold of Kait's robes and shaking her by them.

Kait was slightly frightened and the two did not speak to each other all the way back to their common room. When they entered, they saw that new bulletins had been posted, so they scoured through them, summarizing them to each other.

"Someone lost a hat!"

"Millicent is selling herself for 10 sickles per… never mind…." she trailed off, slightly disturbed.

"Filch asks that no one charms arbitrary objects to look like reproductive organs!"

"Nott needs a tutor!"

Kait inhaled as if she were about to speak, then paused. "Triana… Triana…" she wheezed. "QUIDDITCH!"

The pair started screaming in delight. They had always heard about and sometimes watched Quidditch, but their school never allowed them to take flying lessons or partake in the game.

"I want to be a seeker! Seeker!" Triana shrieked in happiness.

"I'll be a beater! Hit people with bats!!!" Kait whooped in glee.

The two danced around the common room making all the noise they possibly could. Soon, Slytherins started coming down from their dormitories really pissed off.

"I was TRYING to make 10 sickles! But no, I had to be interrupted and now my… patron… is pissed and won't give me money. Thanks." Millicent yelled while coming down the spiral stairs.

"YOU'RE A WHORE! I'M GONNA BE A SEEKER! WOO!" Triana continued chanting and dancing around with Kait.

"Yeah right. Everyone knows Draco is the best seeker in the world." Millicent spurned.

"You seen to be forgetting that I'm on like, 5 different houses. I have to be the best seeker out of one of them!" Triana boasted.

"Too bad for Kait, then." Millicent sneered.

"Who were the beaters last year!?" Kait piped.

She gestured to Crabbe and Goyle, the 2 square giants in the crowd. Some of the others looked at her wiry figure compared to their hulking ones and laughed at her ambition.

"Shit…." Kait let out under her breath. She wouldn't let them defeat her, though. She would have to do something…. Her mind was cleared of that thought, however, when she realized that Draco Malfoy couldn't be found. Crying himself to sleep, maybe, she thought to herself with a little giggle.

The crowd dispersed little by little, realizing they couldn't do anything about it now since they were already awake and couldn't get back to sleep.

Kait and Triana checked the bulletin again, and saw that the tryouts were scheduled for next weekend.

Then they realized that they had never flown a broomstick before.

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This chapter didn't take too long! Only about 4 hours! It's rather short though. Oh well, I hope will suffice. Haha, today I preordered HP7 at my local Borders, AND THEY GAVE ME STICKERS. One is orange and says 'SNAPE will betray' and the other is purple and says 'SNAPE is loyal'. I can't decide which one to wear for the midnight event thing, though cries. 


	15. Chapter 15: Hogsmeade Trip! Part I

Today I realized that I don't read a lot of Harry Potter fanfiction because whenever I do I feel bad since I don't write very much anymore. Well anyway, today I was on this site and I clicked the genre arrow, since I only read Humor and/or Parody, and I realized that (I think) they changed around some of the genres. I don't remember Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Crime, or Western (wtf?) being there before. So I clicked on western out of pure curiosity, and I commend you, -A-Graceful-Rose-, for having the only story under that genre. (Okay I just checked the homepage, and the new genres were added on June 26th… so it only took me like 10 days to notice xD) God, I can't believe I write over 250 words per chapter in the first and last messages…. OH BY THE WAY, 20,000 WORDS BIOTCHES. Celebrate.

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Chapter 14: Hogsmeade Trip!(Part I)

Triana woke up to a blustery, overcast morning. Kait had told her about who had been biting her, and instead of being horrified, she was flattered. "Draco Malfoy was biting me?" she had asked with shining eyes. "Is he like, a real vampire?" Kait had showed her the note, but she was still happy to know that the hottest guy in school was hunting her while she slept. "Oh, thank god I've been wearing my sexy pajamas!" thought she. "Hmm… I wonder how he got in the girls' dormitory?" she thought, but pushed it out of her mind when she realized that today was the Hogsmeade trip. She sprang out of bed and put on a black-and-white striped top with jeans after getting out of the shower. She saw that Kait was already down at breakfast, so she left the common room with wet hair to go look for her.

She entered the Great Hall and soon saw the vibrant hair of her best friend. She bounced over to the table and sat down next to her. Draco Malfoy was sitting a few seats down on the opposite side of the table, and when he saw Triana his eyes grew wide. "YOU!" he screamed, pointing at her. "YOU GAVE ME AIDS, YOU SLUT!"

"I… don't have AIDS…" Triana answered, slightly confused and also embarrassed because many people were staring at her as though his words meant something far worse than they did.

"SHUT UP, JUST GO DIE!" he shrieked, and he ran off crying.

"Oh my god, you slept with him?" asked Pansy Parkinson, "I think you're the one that should be worried about STD's now, not him…" she said, slightly flushed.

"NO, I didn't sleep with him, he drank my blood!" she said, in a 'duh' tone of voice.

The surrounding people just gave her an incredulous look while Kait was cracking up under her breath.

Triana gave an angry huff and started on her breakfast. Great, he's ruined my reputation and Kait's! I don't care if he's sexy, he's a bastard! Ughh.

Kait and Triana both finished their breakfasts and they walked onto the Hogwarts grounds, preparing for Hogsmeade. They both wore heavy cloaks with hoods to protect them from the wind. They walked down the path to the town while talking to Harry, Ron, and Hermione about what they would get. However, there conversation was soon halted when, in front of them, they saw a ghastly sight. A few meters (if I could have it my way, this would be yards, but no, they're in England) ahead of them, they saw a very tall lanky figure next to a short, squat one. But what they were focused on were the two figures' hands. They were joined. The 5 of them stopped dead in their tracks.

"…Dumbledore… and… Umbridge?" sputtered Hermione, "THAT'S DISGUSTING!" She started to gag.

But that's what it was. The pair was making goo-goo eyes at each other and it was rather comical since their height difference was so dramatic. The quintet kept walking, but was deeply sickened by what was going on in front of them.

"Oh my god, if they snog I'm seriously gonna retch…" muttered Ron and Harry nodded in agreement.

Kait and Triana could not help laughing at the pair, however. Soon, they all settled down in the Three Broomsticks with a horde of Butterbeer bottles. Ron and Kait were downing them one after the other because they could not get the image of Dumbledore and Umbridge out of their head.

"Hmm… they need to have a cute portmanteau couple name, like Brangelina or Bennifer. Oh! Dumbridge! That's a good one!" rambled on Triana.

"Ugh, how do you think they got together?" asked Hermione, "One's for the Ministry, the other's for Hogwarts… they're like mortal enemies!"

"I guess opposites attract," shrugged Harry.

"There's definitely something going on," declared Ron through gulps of his drink. "Ugh, it's sickening!" he said while finishing off his 4th bottle.

(A/N: I'm actually going somewhere with this. Kay? Kay.)

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So, I've been looking at stories that have about 20,000 words, a similar number of words as my story. One of these has 41 reviews. One has 66. Another has 236. I have 12. I'm not going to insult you, but… I think you all know what you should do. And I also just looked up the longest Harry Potter story under Humor. It's like 750,000 words…. I'm determined to make my story at least 1,000,000. I hope I'm the first author to do that. That would be tres sweet. Maybe then I'd get some god damn reviews… HINTT HINTTT COUGH COUGH WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE (REVIEW BITCHES.) 


	16. Chapter 16: Hogsmeade Trip! Part II

I HAVE 3 HOURS TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER. I hope it takes less time, though, because I like to sleep, actually. I have IDEAS GALORE. And I want a MacBook for my b-day. I dunno why I'm writing about this, though. Probably just trying to procrastinate.

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Chapter 16: Hogsmeade Trip Part II 

After leaving the disturbing sight of Dumbledore and Umbridge holding hands, the group of 5 walked along the streets of Hogsmeade. They trudged against the wind among many other wizards doing likewise. They agreed upon stopping in Honeyduke's, where the amicable atmosphere, warm air, and sweet scent instantly contented and relaxed them. Coming inside, they were greeted by different colored packages and selections. They all bought an ample supply of Toasting Troches for days like this, and all (besides Hermione) bought a few extra for the winter Quidditch practices. (A/N: I am not sure if the plural of troche is troches. Please correct me if it is something else.) They also bought various other goodies that had their different purposes or were just meant for eating. The store was crowded, but they still did not want to journey back out into the gusty, nippy streets. They stood around the counter chatting, until being approached by Draco Malfoy. He did not look at Kait or Triana; he simply had his eye directly on Harry. He walked a step farther so that he was square in front of him, being a little bit taller too. He had an incredibly nasty glare upon his face, as if he was about to spit.

Harry barked, "What do you want, Malfoy?"

Draco's eyes narrowed and flashed, and he took a full hook punch to Harry's face, connecting it with a loud thud.

Harry grunted and leaned over to his right while Ron's hand went directly towards Draco's throat before Hermione pulled it back.

"That's what you get, for stealing my woman… man, Potter!!" Draco snapped out at him.

"Excuse me!?" Kait cried, "Draco, ARE YOU INSANE IN THE MEMBRAINE!? You have no right to be calling me your woman… man anymore! Oh, and on that tangent, Harry's not my type. No offense to you or anything, Harry," she added quickly looking over at the already-injured boy.

Draco fell to his knees in front of Kait. He looked up at her with pleading eyes, and put one hand over his heart and croaked, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IT HURTS!" before bursting into hysterical sobs.

"Oh… my god…" Hermione bemoaned, rolling her eyes.

However, a flock of Draco fan-girls swooned upon the bawling mess and dragged him out of the store.

"SO… WHO WANTS HOT CHOCOLATE!?" Triana shrieked to the group, with a little more cheer in her voice than was needed.

They scurried down the road to a cute, cozy little parlor. (It doesn't have a name.) It was a square room with silver floors dotted with white sets of 4 chairs and a table. The walls were a pale blue and there was a large plaque along the main wall describing the dishes. What they sold depended on the season, closest holiday, or mood of the customers. The group split a pumpkin pie and each got a large mug of hot chocolate. (God, now I'm hungry (its 10 at night) BRB. Kay I'm back… its 3 hours later now because I started talking to my brothers friend and he's really cool. So remember how I said I only had 3 hours? I have to sleep now. Ill come back and finish tomorrow afternoon. NIGHT ALL. OKAYY IM BACK and I have about an hour before I have to take a nap because tonight I'm DRESSING UP TO SEE HARRY POTTER AT MIDNIGHT WOOO. SO IM GONNA FINISH THIS CHAPTER, YO!) After pulling up one more chair, they sat around drinking and eating, all reluctant to leave the pleasant diner. It was getting quite late in the day, however, so they decided to walk back to school enjoying the lovely sunset outside since the wind had died down, though the chilly weather hadn't.

Back in Hogwarts, many sat in the Great Hall to socialize with their friends since they weren't hungry after their trip. The enchanted ceiling showed the dark blue color of dusk for sky with occasional moonlit clouds drifting about. The hall was bustling with chatter, but it soon became quiet as Dumbledore stood up from his seat at the staff table. Mostly everyone's attention was turned to him and he began to speak.

"Many of you have noticed the recent relationship between me and Dol– Professor Umbridge. Yes, well, she believes in abstinence before marriage or whatever, but… uh… men have needs, and ya'll know that whores aren't cheap. So, I'm instituting a tax. Yeah, and since most of you don't work I decided to start some child labor around here. Of course, your salary won't cover the full tax; I mean I do need a profit here. The sweatshops are in the dungeons; Potions will be held on the 3rd floor starting Monday. Everyone will be working there during their previously free period, except the 7th year girls. They can report to my office. Mwahaha. Thank you," and with that, he sat down and looked fairly content with himself, then resumed eating his meal.

The entire room became alive with, not just prattle, but full shouts. There was such a commotion that the prefects had to dismiss everyone early back to their common rooms. All the Slytherins were sitting in the armchairs around the room with bleak, angry, and sullen faces rather than the ecstatic ones that normally accompanied such a crowded common room.

Triana piped up, "Well, it's not so bad! I mean, I've always wanted to learn how to sew. But I get distracted pretty easily, so what better way to learn than being in a slave-driving environment! And this way, I'll learn money managing skills–"

"Psh, I don't need to work to pay the tax! I have enough money with me to probably last me the rest of my years at Hogwarts, I bet!" sneered Malfoy. He still seemed a little shaky from the incident in Honeydukes, which is why he was being slightly more boastful than usual.

Everybody, even if they could pay, was still shaken by the fact that Dumbledore would so rashly establish such ridiculous circumstances. They went off to fitful sleeps, feeling uneasy about what was to come.

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UGH, this chapter is finally over. Yeah, so some new ideas. I'm kind of nervous about putting them in, cause, just to let you all know, I MADE THEM UP ON THE SPOT LMAO. Well not the tax thing; that was planned. And originally, after that line he was going to say "since you don't work I've written home to your parents for money" but I decided on child labor instead. Yeah, this might ruin the entire story, BUT WHATEVER. Its fun for now, that's all that counts. I'm gonna go take a nap ). 


	17. Chapter 17: Machine Orientation

Blah, crap I meant to start a chapter today, but I've been sleeping since 6. And now its 10. Mmkay so I saw harry potter 5 last night. It was good, just a lot diff. from the book. A guy in our theatre stood up before the movie, waved a straw and yelled "SILENCIO" lmao and everyone was like "WOO" and these girls asked to get their picture with us (since we dressed up) and some other people were dressed up, OH and this one group of girls (not dressed up) were singing the Mysterious Ticking Noise from Potter Puppet Pals and I started singing with them. Because I know it all. Ughh. (Now the Yule Ball video performance is playing on my comp 3) And I'm really untired so I suppose I'll start!

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Chapter 17: Oh noes! 

The next day was sunny albeit cold and Triana and Kait both knew that Quidditch practice was not going to be fun. They felt a strong, subconscious rivalry against Ron and Harry, even though they actually wanted them to win since they were great friends and great (sometimes, in Ron's case) Quidditch players.

At breakfast, however, they found they had a change of schedule. Their captain Montague approached them and leaned down in between them. "Practice has been cancelled,"

"WHAT?!" Kait bellowed.

"Double-you tee EFF!" Triana piped, "Why!?"

"The entire day is being used up by machine orientation lessons," he replied, glum and sullen.

"…"

"Look," he said, pointing to the sheets of paper that lined the table, "the first years are already down there now, and they'll be there until shortly after breakfast. Then the second years go, and so on. It'll be going on 'til it's too dark to play anything. Ugh, I can't believe Dumbledore's gone completely off his rocker."

"No he hasn't! He would be off his rocker if he told us all to brush our hair with toothbrushes and to floss our teeth with chocolate frogs. This is at least understandable. How would YOU feel if you didn't have enough money for hos? Even if you don't like it, it doesn't mean it's wrong. Jesus, you Slytherins are all the same! Christ. What is machine orientation, anyway?" Triana finished to his inquiring glance.

"Uh, your entire year goes into the dungeons and you get assigned a machine and then you get a lesson on how to use it and maintain it and such."

"OH I HOPE I GET NUMBER 9!" Kait yelled spontaneously.

"OH EM GEE, I WANT NUMBER 2!! Oh crap, I hope they don't do it alphabetically! Kait we have to run down there as SOON as the 4th years are getting done! Who teaches it, anyway?"

"Hmm… I actually have no idea. Probably a teacher who doesn't do much of anything. Urgh, maybe its Filch. He'd probably know how to use muggle machines like that, stupid Squib…" he said, looking ominously over at the staff table, "Well, I have to get to the rest of my team. I'll cya around."

They called their goodbyes and sat down to help themselves to a little bit of breakfast. Everyone was talking about the new machines and the absurdity of the tax, etc. The situation was very stressful, but most of the students were still at Hogwarts. It didn't seem like any of the parents were inclined to withdrawing their children from the school. "Maybe they think it's good for us, or something," one of the Slytherin girls said in disdain.

The pair went off to the common room after breakfast and they soon heard a loud, sugary voice on the LOUDSPEAKERS THAT RUN THROUGH ALL OF HOGWARTS (yeah I know wtf, go see the movie), "Second years are now to report to the dungeons,"

Then, a group of 1st year Slytherins walked through the portrait hole, looking as though they were about to cry.

"Aw, what's wrong?" Kait asked them.

"We don't want to give up our free periods to work in some sweatshop! Everything's so scary here at Hogwarts, I hate it! I don't even know what a whore is!" one of the boys stammered. (A/N: cmon stupid little kid! I knew what a whore was when I was 10! I drew hilarious comics about them!)

Kait and Triana looked at each other. They both felt really bad but they didn't know what to do about it. They started their homework, and every now and then a voice would ring out again, drawing them ever nearer to their own orientation. When their time finally came, they packed up their things and ran to the dungeons to claim their specifically-numbered machines. It turns out that Madam Hooch was teaching the class, and she didn't seem any more pleased to be supervising than the kids were to actually be doing the work.

"YO WASSUP WASSUP WASSUP MAD HIZZLE?!" Triana shouted while performing her special hand shake with her.

After a few tedious questions ("No, you aren't taking OWLs on this subject.") the class learned how to thread the bobbin, set the spool, stitch, pivot, etc and fix the machine if it got damaged.

"I don't get it Mad H, why do we have to use a muggle sewing machine?" asked Kait.

"Well, we're selling the clothes to muggles so it needs to look muggle-made," she replied simply but with a sigh.

Kait took this in and went back to work. She and Triana were thoroughly enjoying themselves but they saw that no one around them was. The others were complaining or getting hurt from the needles. The kids struggled furiously with tangled threads and stuck pins, and the atmosphere didn't help matters at all. The dungeon room became hot and stuffy from the heat of the 100 or so machines that were set there.

Soon they took their leave and by then it was time for them to go to dinner. Wow, a whole day in only 2 chapters!? Amazing!

At dinner, the Great Hall was teaming with extra chatter. They even talked with people from other houses; Ron, Harry, and Hermione being the most prominent.

"I'm going to sew a gown!" exclaimed Ron.

"For what!?" Harry asked skeptically.

"My… girlfriend," Ron said, suddenly sheepish.

"You don't have a girlfriend! Everyone in Hogwarts knows that," snapped Hermione.

"Maybe she doesn't go to Hogwarts! She lives in… France. That's why you've never met her. Her name is January!"

"Aw… that's cute!" said Triana.

"Okay, ask her to send a piece of post back. Then I'll believe you," said Kait.

"He only wants to wear the gown himself so he can look fancy at his tea parties he holds with his dolls, Tiny Tina and Lily Lemons," Harry raved, "I've seen them! He keeps them in his nightstand cabinet and plays with them when he thinks no one's around! Lily Lemons is blond and Tiny Tina is a gymnast,"

"It's… it's none of your business!" Ron said turning redder by the second.

Luckily the group was broken up by staff members who were trying to restore order, though their attempts were not very successful.

The conversations, both good and bad, lasted until well after dark and the last students did not fall asleep until very late in the night.

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Chapter, completed! So at the theatre camp that just ended that I go to, there is an award called Best All-Around Camper, and it goes to 2 campers. I WON. My friend Molly and I! Woo. AND, as an early bday present (Aug 26), I got a Samsung S850 camera. 8 MPs of pure sexiness. I LOVE it. love love love love. Dunno what else to say… hmm. 


	18. Chapter 18: And So It Continues!

So… not many more reviews, but I thank you for them anyway. I've gotten lots of hits though, which is nice! I read DH… and… well, I wasn't disappointed. AT ALL. it was AMAZING! JKR put me through the most extreme range of emotions I could ever have while reading any book, so I really loved what it did for me. God. I have a few things in mind to write about… I hope I can spin them into a worthy plot! Or I could just pull a Victor Hugo, and start rambling about things FOR A WHOLE CHAPTER, WHICH ONLY HAVE TO DO WITH ONE TINY POINT OF THE PLOT. Can't say I don't love it though….

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Chapter 18: And so it continues!

Triana woke up to another gray day (although she didn't know it, due to the lack of windows in dungeons which I've seemingly ignored in past chapters…). I suppose that's how England was, though. She couldn't complain; she was just so happy to be here with her best friend. It was not too long ago that she thought they would only ever see each other during the holidays. She looked over at the bed besides her to see her best friend, but she was missing. It was surprising, because she knew it was quite late. It was a mysterious fluke that she was up, even. But as she rose up onto her elbows and scanned the dim dormitory, she saw that some others had awoken already as well. So she got up and prepared herself to go down to the common room. When she entered the room, she saw many sitting there, just idly lingering and keeping to themselves. They all looked tired, with black circles outlining their eyes, and their hair and clothes looking misplaced and disheveled. Triana was most certainly awake though, and decided to snap them out of their thoughtful interims.

"Ahem. EXCUSE ME EVERYONE," she started, and a plethora of heads snapped up to watch her, "yes, um, I'm going to breakfast now. Would anyone care to join me?"

The kids perked up and a few followed her out of the common room. The wall leading into the dungeons opened up, but did not let in any more light than had already been there.

"Oh my… it really is dark," one of the younger students had said, "Lumos," she muttered, presumably after taking out her wand.

"Ah, good idea," Triana said, and did the same, as did a few others. "Yes, we always must be wary for those zombie attacks! I swear I've already warded off a few just by keeping my guard up. I've seen them lurking in the shadows… around the corners…you know, they only attack when they sense your thoughts are slack! They like their brains rather raw, those sorts…" Just then, she stopped short and a few behind her accidentally collided with her back. "HO!" she yelled, pointing a finger in front of her.

"Watch your language, young lady!" Professor Umbridge snipped, huffing up her chest in front of her. None of them could actually _see_ that it was her, they only noticed a dark figure, but once she spoke her identity was revealed. "That will 20 points from Slytherin! You should no better than to insult a MINISTRY-appointed Professor! What is your name, dear, I will really have to see to it that you are corrected thoroughly…"

"Ah, my dear Professor Umbridge, you misunderstand me!" started Triana. She was _extremely _adept at wiggling herself out of bad situations through her words. Honestly, she would have made one **hell** of a lawyer, or attorney, whatever it was. "I did not mean the words in _that_ sense of its usage, oh goodness no! I simply was using it as an expression, for I saw your figure in the distance! Hmm… a keen example of this usage can be found about exactly 3 minutes in, depending on what version you listen to, of Justin Timberlake's song _Summer Love_. He is singing about the love of his life, and suddenly stops after one of his phrases and shouts the same word I have just, but I do not think he would have used it in that manner if talking about his beloved. It was just an expression, if you will, and it can also be seen in a very common phrase, which you may know for it has been used in the Muggle film _Matilda_, and can be observ–"

"Yes, fine then, that's all very good, whatever. 20 points to Slytherin, forget about your name," Umbridge snapped, wearily cutting Triana short of her oration, which she could have stretched to unfathomable lengths for the simple purpose of winning an argument. It didn't even have to make sense, but Triana would have put the effort forth to make herself sound as pompous as she could. Even if she was completely wrong, she would fight to undeniable strides until the other stopped trying or admitted the defeat he did not garter. "Why are you out in the corridors so early in the morning, besides?"

"Could ask the same to you, you old bat…" someone behind Triana murmured, but she elbowed him in the stomach before he could finish.

"We couldn't sleep… so we decided to hit breakfast early so we could be productive the rest of the day!" A goody two-shoes answer couldn't hurt at this time, especially since Umbridge didn't seem to actually care, but was merely trying to fulfill her duties as a staff member.

"Right, be off then. Quickly now…" she half-heartedly replied as she hurried past them. A few turned around to watch her go off, but she turned a corner and that was the end of it.

"Wonder where she's going…" someone in the crowd pondered. "Oh well… best continue then."

They continued walking forward and when they got up the stairs to the room of the Grand Staircase, light from the windows broke over them one by one as they came up.

"AHH I'M BLIND!" Triana screamed as she started seeing spots and running into suits of armor. "Woah okay… adjusting now… hold up. Mmkay, all good."

They went into the great hall and sat down at their table. Only a few people were present, and most of the staff had not come yet. Still, the food was ready and waiting for them on the table. As Triana sat down and saw the others piling their plates with food, she suddenly realized she had no appetite. She just wanted something to calm her stomach… but she didn't like tea.

"Hmm… I wish they had wonton soup…" she mused quietly. And before she knew it, a crystal boat of the amber liquid appeared in front of her. She gasped suddenly, and, with her voice increasingly louder, "Oh, HELL yes!! Hmm… I wish this table had… NAKED ORLANDO BLOOM!?!" she shouted with optimism and wish resounding in her voice. However, as she scanned the table up and down, nothing appeared. "Damn…."

She ladled some wonton soup into a bowl and deeply drank in the broth, ignoring the spoon beside her. She kept drinking and did not stop until she was finished the entire bowl, then she gasped a moment for a breath of air. She looked down in the bowl, and stabbed the dumpling with a fork and popped it into her mouth. After chewing and swallowing, she sat back in her seat and watched the other people eating normal breakfast foods. Soon she saw the rest of the Slytherins, along with Kait, coming into the great hall. They must have gotten bored, sitting there in the silence and darkness. It took a while for all of the kids to enter the Great Hall, but by that time it had gotten much brighter out, though still gray, and the hall became alive with chatter.

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Wow, it didn't take me very long to write this chapter! I don't have much to say… which is a change from the usual since I never shut up. So I'll take a refreshing new course! Night night! 


	19. Chapter 19: Rewards of Rally

Goodness, 4 reviews in a single day!! I LOVE YOU ALL! And, about 200 more hits to the story. GO ME. That means I must be doing something right…. I should do this for a living. Not fan-fiction though, real fiction xD… BTW, I hit 25,000 words. Woot. Im gonna celebrate for every landmark, I don't care, its awesome.

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Chapter 19: Rewards of Rally

Truth be told, the day wasn't that bad. The students went to their classes, with the teachers a bit more fatigued than usual, and their work session wasn't too harsh. Getting into the hot workroom, they sat down at their stools and saw that a piece of parchment was placed at each one of their machines. These sheets were patterns for the object they had to make. There were a few different garments to be made, so not every person was making the same piece as those sitting next to them. The garments were quite simple, with the hardest task being a button or a gather.

The detention number decreased rapidly over the next few days, because there was really no time for anyone to get into trouble. No one had enough energy left at the end of the day to go sneaking out into the corridors or the Forbidden Forest, kids were too busy running to classes or the dungeons for their work period that they didn't have time to fight in the halls, and the hype of breaking rules was smothered by the accumulation of work that had been piled on top of them.

This could be seen as a good thing; however, the school of Hogwarts began to fall into a slightly worse state than it had been in before. Sure, less crime was one thing, but the task of cleaning shelves and polishing trophies or sorting ingredients and organizing files had been ignored by the students now that they were not forced to do them. The teachers were not used to doing these things, and left these tasks neglected. Therefore, shelves became dusty, trophies became spotted, ingredients became mixed up and turned rotten, and filing systems were left insufficient and out-of-date. These things didn't have a huge impact on the way the school functioned, in fact, none at all, but it took away some of the gleam and luster that the school once had.

The first detention during the drought of them was gartered by one of our own main characters, Kait. During the 3rd work period that they had, ever, Kait was assigned to make a layered skirt. Their garments were steadily increasing in difficulty, this one being Kait's hardest yet. She was sewing one of the panels to the previous, and while trying to adjust her fabric to align the seam properly, she put her finger too close to the needle. She was going relatively fast (as their work period was a short allotment of time to sew an entire article of clothing), and the needle of the sewing machine dropped down into the flesh on the tip of her index finger, then rose back out from it in about a fraction of a second. Kait immediately noticed this, not because of the pain, but because of the disruption it created in the stitches. The machine sewed two more stitches before she took her foot off of the pedal that powered it. She turned her hand over and looked at the blue thread she had pierced her flesh with.

First, she had a moment of shock. She couldn't believe what she had done. Then, as it dawned on her, she stood up in the hot dungeon room and started screaming helplessly.

"OH MY FREAKING JESUS MOTHER HELP ME!! AHHH!! MY FINGER! IM GOING TO DIE! OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET MADAM POMFREY IN HERE BEFORE I SNUFF IT! AH MY LORD NOO, IS THIS THE END FOR KAIT?! TELL MY PARENTS I LOVE THEM!! TRIANA, YOU CAN HAVE MY BROO–"

But before she could finish her outburst, Madam Hooch whacked her in the back of the head with an iron, which she had been using to press the finished garments. With an "URGBH!" Kait fell down onto the stone floor and was knocked unconscious.

Mad H bent over Kait and pulled slightly at the string in Kait's finger, at which point it weakly came out of her flesh. Then she pulled out her wand and muttered "Ennervate."

Kait opened her eyes with a start and sat up, rubbing the back of her head. "Ugh… fuck, I have the worst headache ever…"

With another flick of her wand, Madam Hooch cured Kait of her pain.

Then, Kait was confused. "What am I doing down here…."

"Never mind that, just get back to work for now… Professor Snape will deal with you later."

"For what? Ah, screw it. I'll get right back to it Mad H! C'mere, pound it!"

The Professor and the girl bumped fists and then Kait pushed herself back up onto her feet and sat back at her machine. By the end of the period, she messily finished the skirt she was working on, though she felt bad for whoever ended up wearing that piece of crap.

Today's 5th year work-period was actually at the end of the day, so when it was over it was time to go back to the common room. Instead of walking back with Triana, however, Kait took a detour and headed towards Snape's office, thinking about the nasty experience Triana had once upon entering his office. She shuddered now. When she finally reached the wooden door, she took the dark, rusty knocker into her hand and rapped (A/N: lmao I couldn't decide if the right word was rapped or raped and I had to look it up online) the door forcefully. After moving her hand back to her side, she waited a few seconds. She was about to chicken out and run away, but then the door swung open and she heard the deep voice greeting her. "Welcome, Ms… Kait. Come in."

She entered the room, going past the professor so he could close the door. The room was very dark, and the only light source was coming from the cauldron in the corner, which was aglow with a gleaming, hypnotizing pearly white potion.

"Ah, yes… take a seat, please," he said, striding over to his desk, which was adjacent to the cauldron. He flicked his wand at the hanging torches which were previously unlit, but were now glowing with amber light. It didn't do much for the large room, but it provided light directly above them, which would be sufficient for talking.

"Thanks… that's a nice, um, potion you have there," she replied awkwardly.

"Oh yes… this potion is quite special. That is why I keep it in my office, so it can stay under my watchful eye. Yes… I find this _lustrous, scintillating_ mixture to be akin to its mystifying properties…" he started, fluttering his eyelids so they were in between open and closed. He titled his head back and faced towards the cauldron while continuing his ode, "The **incandescent** liquid flowing, showing off its lustrous, glossy aura… the _**radiant, moonlit**_ surface providing the most powerful weapon… _**the brilliance, the shimmer, THE LIFE!**_" he started yelling, then barked, "**SIT DOWN!**"

Kait immediately shoved herself onto the stone stool that was placed there. "…what does it do…Professor?" she meekly asked.

"It alights every part of the brain. Only temporarily of course, but it utilizes every nerve of the mind, allowing the drinker to focus and execute almost anything…." he finished, trailing off.

"Why don't people drink it all the time, sir?" she asked politely and inquisitively.

"Well, extreme intelligence and mind-power doesn't mean happiness. This potion will have the user recall almost every memory they've had, especially the ones they didn't want to remember," he replied, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes. "It causes the user to feel every emotion more powerfully than you and I could even imagine. This is why it can not be taken in excess. Those mighty people, the ones who would intend to do the most supreme acts, good or bad, with this potion are probably the ones who would be thwarted the most by its negative effects. It's a wicked system, torturous to us but clever for the unchanging world. For an average person to take it, they would have unprecedented knowledge for the day, and not be plagued by emotion or guilt of their past conscience, but the actions they would want to accomplish with the potion would be… lackluster. Only those who can dream of the sheer potential this potion has are the ones who are thwarted by its defenses, haunted by the past and overwrought with your slightest feeling! …It's so dreadfully clever about the user's intentions. And it's a bitch to make. The ingredients are rare, and it takes time and constant attention. One mistake can turn it into something completely awful."

Kait didn't say anything, and they both stared at the cauldron for a few seconds longer, thoughts racing through their heads. Then, however, Snape snapped back to reality and prompted the conversation. "Now… about your punishment."

"Oh, um, right… I'm not sure exactly what happened, actually… do you know?"

"Madam Hooke- I MEAN HOOCH showed me her memory through the Pensieve of what happened… and, as hilarious it was to watch, your actions were atrocious. You could have caused panic or mayhem which could have led to an injury of another student. It was completely despicable, over something so tiny and inconspicuous; it is a shame to even have you in my house as my student."

Kait was wide-eyed with horror now. "Oh my god, WHAT DID I DO?!?"

"You sewed your finger then started wigging out 'til Madam Hooch swung her iron at your head and knocked you out."

Kait started to giggle now. "Oh my… that certainly sounds like something I'd do…" she was full-out laughing now, and Snape became infuriated.

"STOP THAT. I won't take points away from this house… because I'm a pompous buffoon whose mere existence relies on winning insignificant and trivial prizes. So I'll give you 3 detentions. They will be the next three evenings at 6 pm. Please try to be more responsible with your own problems; we all have them. Okay? Don't be late." And with that, he dismissed her. She trudged through the hallway back to her common room, slightly infuriated by the 3 detentions, but relieved that it hadn't been worse. As she got back to her common room, Triana was waiting for her.

"So… how'd it go!?!? HE DIDN'T TOUCH YOU, DID HE?!"

"Um, I have 3 detentions and he has a potion that makes people smart."

"…KEEP THAT IN MIND. It's not final time yet, but damn, when it is, were frikkin' stealing that shit."

"I'm glad you agree!"

They sat up in the Common Room finishing thing work, imagining what could be done with the potion after Kait told Triana about the rest of its side-effects. The worked late into the night, until the rest of the kids were up in their dormitories, but that didn't stop how loud their talking and laughter was. In fact, several kids had to come down and tell them to be quiet until they got the message and decided to quit working for the night. The trekked up to their dormitory, each muscle in their body aching with tiredness. They were still happy though, and spirited. But alas, they had another day of classes and work (and detention, in Kait's case) ahead of them, and they each fell asleep relatively quickly.

It began to rain in the night, and little did they know that the morning weather would completely reflect their morning moods.

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Ahh, it felt good to write this chapter. I've been working on this chapter since yesterday, and it was going SO SLOWLY in the beginning. The paragraph where it picked up was when I wrote about the fact that there was a shortage of detentions and so the school was getting a bit messier. Like, just suddenly, the thought and what it carried popped into my head. "Detentions." And I was like "DAMN CORINNE, you are a smart girl." Before that though, it took me FOREVER to write anything. I'd come to the computer, look at the chapter so far, get pissed off and leave. Woo I love writing :P 


	20. Chapter 20: First Detention with Snape

Okay, Ima write a chapter tonight. I have a theatre camp (yes, another) starting on Monday, and the past few days I've gone to bed progressively later (try 5 am?) and have been waking up at 2-ish, so I'm staying up ALL NIGHT tonight and Sunday so that I will DEFINITELY be tired around 10 pm on Sunday, and I will be able to wake up 7 am Monday morning. Yeah, the plan's fucked, I know… but whatever.

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Chapter 20: First Detention with Snape

Kait and Triana both woke up, hazy and grumpy to match the grounds. It was raining through the night, but now that dawn broke it was a misty, foggy, overcast day. A little chilly too, and downright miserable. They both dressed and went down to the great hall.

After sitting down at the Slytherin table, Montague cheerfully (yeah, that's right) bounced over to them. "Are you ready for our big practice today, girls?!" he asked beaming.

"OH SHIT, what time is it!? I totally forgot!" Kait shouted while stamping her foot in frustration.

"Ah… 6:30… why?" he said, his grin slowly sagging into a crestfallen frown.

"…detention," Kait muttered, ashamed to disappoint her captain.

"What!? How did you of all peo—"

"SHE'S NOT GOING TO DETENTION! Ima bust her out." Triana said defiantly, proud to have made her way into the conversation.

"You better. Our match is this weekend," Montague said darkly, then he cast them a grim look and menacingly walked away.

"God, that was terrifying…" Triana said, making a rude face at his back while he walked away.

"Um… how the hell are you going to get me out of detention! A detention with Snape, no less!"

"Oh, I'll think of something…" she replied deviously then started mischievously eating her breakfast. While people weren't looking, she would steal a small part or their meal, or even better, their utensils, and then stash them under the table. "Mwahahaha!" she burst out, as a second year questioned what happened to her bacon.

Kait sighed and looked at her schedule. D.A.D.A…. UGH.

Later that day, at said class, Kait and Triana sat besides each other.

"Good morning children!" Professor Umbridge chirped giddily as she bustled into the class room.

"Good morning Prof—" the class started, knowing how to respond to her.

"Oh, enough of that," she interrupted, waving her hand to dispel the nonsense. "You know, like, how me and Alby are going steady, now, right?"

Several of the children rolled their eyes and the headmaster's nickname and the phrase she had used to define her relationship with him, it being the same phrase they use to define some of their own.

"Well, look at what he got me as a present!" She squeaked, running over to the desk and picking it up by the hanger. It was a see-through black dress with a fluffy pink feather boa lining the bottom edge, the neck line, and the straps.

"Ugh god, is that for you or for him!?" Kait replied, absolutely disgusted at the thought of Professor Umbridge in that. Kait immediately clasped her hands over her mouth once she said it, but as Umbridge turned back around, Kait straightened her face and folded her hands on the desk, looking completely normal.

The room grew silent, though she could tell the ones behind her were trying to hide their laughter.

Umbridge's narrowed eyes scanned the classroom, trying to penetrate fear into the students. "WHICH one of you said that?" Nothing. "Fine… then," she said, sneering now, a flame growing behind her eyes. "I suppose then, if I can't make you speak any words, you will all have to write some. You must all write at least 1 meter in length on any subject related to Defense Against Dark Arts, as long as it is Ministry-approved. Class dismissed!" she said, with eyes bright and mouth grinning.

As the Slytherins took their leave from the classroom, Kait apologized to them. "Sorry! Sorry…"

None of them really minded though. "Are you kidding? You got us a 3 minute class!" and "No, it was one hell of a funny joke!" were among the replies she got.

That was… weird… she thought. Why would they be so forgiving to her? Hm, must be because she's on the Quidditch team. Hell yes. As soon as she thought about Quidditch, her mind raced back to her detention tonight, and her stomach soon plummeted.

The rest of the classes went slowly, work was even slower, and soon dinner rolled around. Kait quickly gulped down her food so she could be at Snape's detention right on time. After taking a swig of her drink, she set off for the dungeon. She speedily walked down the steps and through the catacomb of stone walls she had landed in.

"Crap… crap… no, SHIT, NO! I can't be lost!!"

But sure enough, she stopped dead and had no idea where she was. She checked her watch, which she had conveniently picked up on her last Hogsmeade trip. Hmm, 5:52… oh dear. Okay, she has 8 whole minutes. 8 whole minutes and an ETERNITY OF SUFFERING BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE DOWN HERE FOREVER AND END UP STARVING OR DYING BECAUSE SHE TRIED TO EAT HER OWN FLESH TO PREVENT STARVING! OH LORDY!

Suddenly, over her whimpering, she heard footsteps.

"Oh, merciful savior! Heaven-sent being!" she called out to the near approaching person.

"Thank you for that lovely greeting, Kait, but I'm afraid I'll have to amplify the punishments of my detentions if you've enjoyed them thus far…" Snape's long, drawn out voice shot at her. "I don't like suck ups, either," he snapped.

Kait got up from where she was sitting on the floor as he came into view, and he walked straight past her. "I- I wasn't sucking up or anything! I've actually never had one of your detentions, so I have no idea what they're like, I'm sure they're quite ruthless though," she mindlessly babbled, "but I mean, I got lost, that's why I said that to you! I was down here for a while, looking for your office, you know, but I didn't remember where I had gone last time, and then I heard footsteps and I knew I was saved! Before, I thought I was going to have to eat my flesh, you know, starvation and all, but then I was afraid I wouldn't be prepared for the zombies, it was awful, I was _torn_,"

"Shut up. We're here."

She looked at the door in front of her. It was small and looked as if it was of poor quality. This wasn't Snape's office…. Just then, he opened the door and a waved his wand at the wall-lantern inside, which promptly lit up. It was a larger room than she expected, with shelves upon shelves of confiscated objects.

Kait sat there and stared. Snape looked over at her. "Oh stop gaping, you fool. This is where all of the objects that are taken away from students go, besides novelty items like Fanged Frisbees and the like. The headmaster won't let us dispose of them, for he feels that they may be of necessity one day. As of yet, they are all unorganized, being placed on random shelves, wherever our graceful caretaker chooses to place them," he added with a hint of scorn, but then went on, "It is your job to organize them however you see fit. And I will be staying in here to make sure you don't try and take any of these items for your own enjoyment. And, of course, you can't use magic."

Kait shrugged and walked to the first shelf. She put her arms out onto the shelf, then ran across the room, knocking all the things onto the ground, which created a very loud clamor.

When the noise stopped, Snape cried out, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

"I have to make room to organize things on…" she replied in a 'duh' tone of voice.

He gave a disgusted snort and went back to reading the Daily Prophet he had pulled out from his coat in the corner that was closest to the doorway.

She decided that they would be organized alphabetically, that would be acceptable. She went through all the other shelves and did the same maneuver, so by the end she had clean shelves and completely covered floors. Snape said nothing more but gave nasty growls each time her routine was repeated. Just as she began sorting through the junk on the first floor, she heard a loud "BANG!"

She ran over so she could see the door, but was shocked by the sight.

There was Triana, who had just kicked the door down, standing in red 4'' heels, and a leopard-print string bikini. "OI, SNAPE!" she drew out, as sexily as she could. She ran to stand in front of him, then struck a pose and hand her hand along her leg. "Come and get it, stud!" She pulled out a leather whip and snapped it in the air then growled at him.

Kait shuddered. Oh. My. God. Well, this _was_ her distraction, so she made a run for the door, and made it out into the hallway. Then, she looked through the door at what was happening to Triana.

Snape looked livid, and took off from his seat trying to catch her. She ran psychotically in between the shelves, dodging the various objects scattered the floor. Damn, Kait thought, how is this girl managing to not break her ankle!? Snape was in pursuit, admittedly less graceful, and he ended up tripping over a Muggle lamp that was bewitched to bite at people's heels. Triana sped over towards the door, and immediately as she entered the hallway, she aimed her wand at the doorway and yelled "Colloportus!" and the door sealed shut. Triana ripped off her heels and carried them in her hands as her and Kait sprinted as fast as they could down the hallway. Kait's legs were longer and she gained distance on Triana, so she started pulling her along.

Miraculously, they found the staircase, and made it up to the Grand Staircase. Many students were there, coming back from dinner, and they looked at Triana in sheer bewilderment, for all she was wearing was the leopard-print bikini, then she had fire red heels in her hand and was also brandishing a whip and a wand in the other. Triana stopped dead when she realized about her… for lack of a better term, admirers, but Kait stringed her along once more to the double-doors and they took out into the grounds.

The cold air hit Triana like a brick wall and she immediately began to shiver, but Kait kept tugging her down to the Quidditch pitch while checking her watch. 6:15… perfect. They'd get there at 6:20 and would have 10 minutes to get changed! Her mood immediately brightened and she allowed herself to slow down and let Triana walk for herself.

"You owe me BIG TIME." Triana said disdainfully, trying to stop her teeth from chattering.

Kait was laughing, "Don't worry, I think Montague's reaction to you will be present enough.

They entered the dressing room at 6:18, and Montague leapt over to them (he's awfully cheerful today, isn't he?). Kait immediately pointed to Triana, who was beaming proudly.

Montague put one arm around Triana's shoulders, then scooped down and knocked his other arm against her ankles. She was knocked into his arms, and he scooped her up, cradling her like a bride. He then spun her around and gave her a kiss on her forehead, then one on her cheek, and set her back down on her feet. Triana stood there and swayed slightly, batting her eyes at him.

"Okay, go get changed Triana then I'll talk to the team a bit before practice."

As they headed towards their lockers for Triana to change into her school robes, she whispered to Kait, "I don't care if he's a soulless bastard THAT WAS HOT."

Triana pulled on her school robes and went over to the front of the locker room. The rest of the team sat around and Montague went over what they would work on for practice. Then they went out into the Quidditch pitch and took off into the air. They practiced as if the Keeper and Beaters and one Chaser were on one team, with the other 2 chasers were on the opposing team. The 1 Chaser (whose goal was to steal the Quaffle from the 2 opposing Chasers, who are scoring) would be continuously rotated between the 3 that were on the team. The Keeper would defend the goal posts and the two opposing Chasers would practice passing and scoring, the Keeper practicing blocking, and the 1 other Chaser practicing stealing and blocking. All the while, the beaters tried striking the 2 scoring chasers and avoiding the 1 chaser on their 'team'. The would communicate with each other while this was going on, and Triana was left on her lonesome to find the snitch, and keep releasing, waiting for it to vanish, and catch it again.

Triana was absolutely perfect to play seeker because she was not very good at paying attention to sports or a group dynamic, so she was much better being distracted and chasing a shiny object. Kait was fit for beater because she liked hitting things. In fact, she was still ingesting her protein shakes/bars/fruits at every meal, and she did 500 pushups every hour.

The Quidditch practice actually went better than expected, and by the end of it both Kait and Triana had completely forgotten about their little Snape escapade. The team was positive they would win their match against (okay I just went through like all my chapters, and I'm almost positive I mentioned a match that was coming up before, but I can't find it, so if the team is different review me about it) Ravenclaw. The practice ended soon, and a tired but satisfied team went back to the castle as the night was setting in.

The two girls, extremely exhausted by the events, were the last to reach the castle. They moved to the staircase leading to the dungeons, too tired to think, and went down. Their movements were all mechanical, their focus was to get into bed, and they would just keep trudging along until they were there. However, as they were just closing in on their common room's entrance, a haughty, droning voice washed over them.

"Excuse me, girls, could I have a… word?"

They slowly turned around, their eyelids barely staying open.

"I don't really want to punish you, but the news of your actions has gotten to the staff members and they are imploring that I do so. Kait, for breaking out of your detention early and failing to finish it, you will receive 4 more. So that's 5 now, for the next 5 days at 6. And, for you, Triana, for breaking the dress code and attempting to seduce a teacher—"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH… sir." Was someone trying to insult Triana's honor? She immediately woke up and planted herself squarely infront of her head of house.

Snape was displeased to be thrown off his reverie. "What is it?" he asked, not being able to hide the anger in his voice very well.

"Seduce?! SEDUCE!? WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME CHEAP PENNY WHORE?! YOU ARE A PERVY OLD MAN; IT'S DESPICABLE OF YOU TO ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A REPUGNANT ACT!"

"Triana, you came at me in a leopard-print… bikini," he shuddered on the last word (from disgust or delight we'll never know), "and you had a whip. And, if I am correct, you told me to 'come and get some'. And you growled…."

"Come and get some LEOPARD SKIN. OBVIOUSLY. God. I had just finished… uh, whipping a leopard to death. It was on the school grounds. Friggin' tried to devour Theodore Nott. But anyway, yeah, I killed it, I had its skin, and I made it into a bikini because I wanted to use as little fabric as possible, so I could share the rest with you and my fellow teachers! You were the first one I went to though, so don't ask the rest of them about it, and uh, I growled because I felt particularly ferocious. I mean, c'mon, I had WHIPPED a LEOPARD to DEATH. Oh and I was rubbing my leg because I was trying to get the blood off my hand. Y'know, the leopard blood."

Snape looked positively infuriated, and he was so absolutely piqued he didn't even know where to BEGIN with his snide remarks. "5 DETENTIONS. YOU SERVE THEM WITH KAIT. _**GET TO BED!**_" he yelled the last bit a little too high and a little too loud. It was quite frightening.

They both ran into the common room and up to their dormitories. Triana was still rather excited about that encounter, so she couldn't get to sleep for a few more moments. However, Kait fell into her best and was immediately off to sleep.

* * *

Okay, so, I think you should consider yourselves lucky. If you like humor, that is. Today, the story kind of… decided itself. Well, I decided for it, but that's not the point. I was thinking about making this into a really intense story, with a real plot line, some good ideas, and all kinds of crazy good stuff. But alas, I would have to switch up its category, and I didn't want to do that on my faithful readers who probably like comedy if they're reading this. So, the conflict will approached comically, as will the resolution, I suppose. Don't get too disappointed, this was NEVER GOING TO BE A ROMANCE STORY EVER. It was going to be, more like, Action Adventure / Tragedy? Or Crime… something. It was going to be good. But I decided I should use my grand ideas for a story when I'm using my own characters/setting/etc…. But I decided, I started out with comedy so I have to end with comedy. And now I have to sleep. Damn. 


	21. Chapter 21: Last, Very Last, Detention

30,000 words, whoop whoop!! And 3 more reviews. Hell yes. I probably wont be able to update for the next 2 weeks, (well I might find a way since I love you all so much), so this is the 'just incase' chapter.

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Chapter 21: The Last, the Very Last, Detention 

(-wonders if anyone understands the reference in the title-)

The next 4 days went according to plan, and nobody realized that the author made a mistake, and that Kait should have 6 detentions because Kait had 2 left after breaking out of the first and he added 4 more, BUT NOBODY NOTICED SO KAIT ONLY HAD FIVE. SCORE. So yes, all was well, and the girls served their first 4 detentions together.

The first two were spent organizing that confiscated-items room alphabetically. Let us recall one particular event:

As Triana was working in the 5th aisle, something under one of the shelves caught her eye. She used her foot to slide it out by the corner that was sticking out, then she saw what it was. Oh my, she thought, it's a yaoi magazing! (A/N: If any of you don't know what yaoi is, BLESS YOUR SOULS. RUN FAR FAR AWAY AND PRAY TO GOD YOU NEVER FIND OUT). Well, she mused, I'll have to have some fun with this…. She showed the magazine to Kait and they formulated 'the plan'.

Kait went back over to her aisle and pretended to do her work. Triana, in a voice that was way louder than necessary (to catch Snape's attention) called out to her. "Kait! Kait, where do you think this should go?"

Kait came over to her and said in an overly-bewildered voice, "Well, I just don't know! Hmm… it could go under Y, or M… or even P! My my my! I honestly haven't a clue! Oh dear, this is certainly a pickle, isn't it Triana?!"

"Why yes, it is, Kait my dear friend! I suppose we'd better make a decision, but wha–"

"Is there a… problem? Snape asked. He was standing at the edge of the aisle, but from his view the magazine was hidden.

"OH, PROFESSOR! Just the perfect person to give us a solution to our predicament! Isn't this wonderful Triana!?"

"Why yes, it is Kait! I am so happy we have such a grea—"

"Well what is it!?" he snapped.

Triana extended her arm completely in front of her, so the magazine dangled between her thumb and forefinger.

Snape walked over, and without looking at it, snatched it up so he could examine it more closely. As soon as he realized what it was, his face went very red.

"W-Where did you find this?"

"Right here, under this shelf," Triana said, kicking the said object lightly with her foot.

Meanwhile, while that exchange was being had, Kait had pointed her wand, which was concealed in her sleeve, towards the book and non-verbally cast the spell "Diffindo".

Several pages suddenly fell from the inside of the magazine, and floated to the ground. Triana looked at them, knowing fully what to expect, but still put on quite a show. "OH MY WORD! OH THIS IS HIDEOUS!"

Kait, who had been pretending to be sorting out another object, rushed over. "UGH, ITS COMPLETELY GHASTLY! MY EYES, MY VIRGIN EYES!!!"

"ENOUGH!" Snape growled, and he waved his wand at the pages and the magazine itself, and they all disappeared. His face was very red now, and he huffed back to his seat where he was reading the Daily Prophet.

The two girls snickered and gave each other high-fives.

The other two detentions were spent taking the plants from outside and putting them in pots so they would be safe in the greenhouse before the first frost came.

This time, Snape sat against one of the trees at the edge of the forest and read a book from the restricted section of the library. Again, Triana was the lovely assistant, and Kait was the magician of the act. They were dealing with a boring old vine that couldn't do anything, so Kait used a couple of Engorgios, then made it wind around Triana, looking like it would suffocate her. She did this, of course, from behind the greenhouse so Snape couldn't see her but it gave her an alibi.

"HELP, HELP, PROFESSOR! OH GOD, GET IT OFF ME!" She screamed and she weakly struggled with the vine.

Snape looked up, rolled his eyes, but still rushed over. Teehee, Snape looks funny when he runs, thought Kait.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME, TRIANA!?" he called to her, as she was very high in the air because the vine was so large.

"Well, Professor Sprout said plants liked to be talked to, so I was telling it jokes! And I told it the one 'Why can't Helen Keller drive?' 'Because she's a woman', AND IT JUST FREAKED OUT AND IT STARTED GROWING AND TRYING TO" (fake coughs) "STRANGLE ME! I THINK ITS SOME KIND OF FEMINIST!

"Who's Helen Keller?"

"OH MY GOD I'M DYINGG I FEEL MY LUNGS BEING CRUSHED! AND MY RIB CAGE BEING MANGLED!"

"Ugh. As much as I would love to be rid of you, I have the feeling the headmaster wouldn't like that very much. Diffindo!"

The vine was severed into two, and it immediately shrank back down and fell limp on the ground. Triana dropped down, and then kissed the ground with extremely exaggerated fervor.

She slowly stood up and skipped to Snape. "OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING MY LIFE! WHAT WOULD I EVER DO WITHOUT YOU!?!?" Then she jumped at him and wrapped her arms around him. And wouldn't let go.

Snape felt very uncomfortable but decided it would be a mistake to try and pry her off. So he just changed the subject. "Where's Kait?"

Kait came out from behind the greenhouse carrying a pot with flowers in it. "What about me? Oh, um, Professor… sorry… I didn't realize I was interrupting som—"

"It's nothing!" he snarled, and pulled Triana's arms off his waist. "Back to work," he snapped.

By the end of their 4th detention, Snape called them over.

"Okay, you're all done for today. However, change of schedule for tomorrow. I'd like the night off, but I have guard duty, so you two are going to stand guard while I get a decent night's rest for once. Easy enough? You two will both be keeping watch for the whole ground floor. You must be there by 9 pm and stay until 4 am. It's not a school night so I have full privilege to do this. Have fun, girls." He finished with a sneer and then started off towards the castle.

The two girls looked at each other.

"2 MORE SHOTS, PUCEY, CMON!"

It was about 2 in the morning, and the party had been going on since 11. Most of the staff were on the seventh floor, because Kait bribed Peeves (with something that may or may not have been 3 ounces of ghost-pot) to be as loud as possible in the Room of Requirement, so they were all safe. It was mostly Slytherins, but some Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs were there too, but everyone was too drunk to notice. They had worked their magic back in the kitchens, and now house-elves were bringing them more booze by the hour. There was music coming from somewhere, and everyone was either dancing, making out (among other lewd acts), or playing drinking games. Kait and Triana personally were playing "I've Never" with Draco, Seamus, Harry, Ron, Warrington, Crabbe, and Goyle.

"I've never… hic… screwed a t-teacher," Kait managed with a slur.

Neville drank.

"Ugh, what the hell, Neville!?" Ron shouted, surprisingly clear, in disgust.

"I… I don't want to talk about it…."

Now it was Draco's turn. "I've never… dressed in the opposite genders clothing,"

Kait drank, Harry drank, and Ron drank.

"Aahahaha what?!" Seamus said, looking over and Harry and Ron.

"We had found some of Ginny's dresses... and... WELL WE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO!" Harry yelled defensively.

The festivities continued and soon everyone managed to pass out with exhaust or drunkenness, sleeping well into the night.

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Okay, so the title is referring to this play that my entire grade had to see. It was called "The Last, the Very Last, Butterfly." And uhm… it sucked. The actors/actresses were good but the show itself sucked. Yeah, I hope this chapter was good though. REVIEWWWW. 


	22. Chapter 22: Murmur of Rebellion

Ah thank you, my two faithful reviewers!! You know who you are. D you both make my day! Okay, I REALLY don't want my story to end… but I can't just like, have the conflict STAY. Something needs to HAPPEN. Ugh CMON CORINNE USE YOUR HEAD. Hm, this MIGHT have to turn into an AU. BUT JUST SLIGHLY. Like, a short-time period AU? It'll be an AU for a few months THEN IT WILL BE NORMAL AGAIN. Wait… no… eep. I can't believe it's going to end! Oh well…. -hysterically sobs- By the way, 30,000 words. CHYEAH BITCHES.

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Chapter 22: Murmur of Rebellion

Let's just say that the whole party thing didn't blow over too well with the staff. They were EXTREMELY pissed off about the entire incident. Names had been taken of the individuals who were found passed out by the Grand Staircase. House elves were sent to track them down after they were conscious and bring them to their Heads of Houses. Needless to say, Snape was a very busy man that Saturday.

The students were brought into his office, but he wanted to address them all as a group, so he waited until they were all present to begin.

"Slytherins. I hate you. All of you. Why do you have to make my life difficult?! I HAVE TO GIVE DETENTIONS TO ALL OF YOU NOW!" he roared, slamming his fist upon the wooden desk. "God. Okay, line up in front of my desk."

The students timidly formed into a not-so-single-file line in front of him. Kait and Triana were last, being absolutely terrified about what would happen to them, since the party WAS their idea, and on their watch.

"Okay, when you reach the front of my desk, I am going to give you a task. Immediately leave the room to complete it, and the next person in line will step up. Clear?" The students nodded. "You, go scrub all the suits of armor on the 7th floor by hand, no magic."

The boy shuffled out of the room, looking irritated.

"You, go harass a Ravenclaw, and then frame them for starting it once a Professor comes. Make sure they at least lose 15 points."

"You, go polish all of the Quidditch brooms that are in Madam Hooch's office."

This continued until he reached the very last two. Shifting his eyes over from the door where the last student had left, Snape gave a very malicious smile while eyeing the two girls.

"Well. We all know what you did, no explanation there…. On your GUARD duty, you threw a party. And the party involved a copious amount of alcohol, which was consumed entirely by underage wizards. Oh, and don't think about Peeves' little favor to you, or, of course, the bribe you gave him to complete it…. Ah yes, Kait, you didn't think we'd find out? I never knew someone could be so stupid as to trust that creature. The Bloody Baron wriggled the answer out of him in an instant."

He gave another venomous scoff and continued.

"And how could you have a party WITHOUT INVITING ME?!"

At that moment, he pulled off his robes and was wearing only a zebra-print thong. Then the party-boy music came on and…

**Just kidding. **

He ACTUALLY said,

"So how _was_ the party, girls?"

Triana spoke first. "It was pretty fun! I don't remember most of it, I was totally hammered…."

Kait then piped up. "We played 'I've Never' with a bunch of other kids. Neville's shagged a teacher and Harry and Ron like to cross-dress."

For a moment, Snape's stoic features contorted into those of bewilderment and amusement, but it was short lived and he soon pulled himself back together.

"I see…."

"So what's our punishment going to be, Professor?"

He sighed. "I don't even know. I have NO idea. You have both befuddled me past all my expectations, and I just don't know what to do with you! You're… degenerates! Ruffians, miscreants! Do you have anything to add, which could sway my decision!?"

"We were just having a little fun!" said Kait.

"With this new forced labor, we'd go insane if we didn't have something fun! It's not right! There's rebellion for a reason! That was like, our Boston Tea Party. Except considerably less destructive. Would you like us to be destructive?" inquired Triana, now quite confused by herself.

Sighing, Snape closed his eyes and used one hand to massage his temples. "Just find something productive yet tedious to do. I don't care what it is, just do it. Report to me after you've done it, and I will decide if it is satisfactory. You are dismissed."

After they had left the dungeon, they were both shocked.

"Go Triana! He really believed your words… ahaha, Boston Tea Party," said Kait gleefully.

"Well it's a good comparison! I mean, we have to do something about it! God, what would happen to us if we just… let this be?" asked Triana, narrowing her eyes towards the ceiling.

"You're right… it's just that, I mean, can we even do anything? We have to worry about school work and stu—"

"SCHOOL WORK!? School work!? School work. THESE PEOPLE ARE TAKING AWAY OUR CHILDHOODS! Well, maybe not ours, I mean, we'll be immature forever. But think about those first years. This is their first year at Hogwarts, and instead of the mystifying, exciting, bewildering experience, they get… forced into working! It's not right! It's inhumane! And Dumbledore's too blinded by his sick romance with Umbridge to notice!"

"I know, I know… but… can we just focus on Snape's detention now…? What should we do?"

Triana shook her head in defeat then put her mind on a different track. Then, after a few seconds, the spurted, "We could do his laundry for a week!"

"Or cook him a gourmet meal!"

The pair thought about both of their suggestions, and burst into laughter.

"I don't think Snape even wears different sets of clothing. We'd have one thing to wash and he'd have to stay naked for a few hours."

"I wonder if Snape actually… you know, likes eating. I mean, he doesn't seem like the person to actually enjoy food or have a favorite or anything…."

"That would be weird if he was secretly this amazing chef or something… Potions is kind of like cooking!"

"Scary…. Hmm, we should ask him."

They had been talking by Grand Staircase, and they ran back to Snape's office, but alas, he wasn't there.

"That's… peculiar…." Kait said, "He was here before, and we were by the dungeon exit the whole time!"

"We must have just missed him."

They went into the Grand Staircase, and sure enough, Snape was there enjoying his lunch. They ran up to him with magnificent grins stretching across their faces.

"Professor… um, what's your favorite food?" Triana asked. Her and Kait both burst out into fits of giggles on each others shoulders.

Snape looked rather uncomfortable.

"I've never thought about it before…."

This time, they fought extremely hard to hold back their laughter.

"Oh, well… we were just thinking about your detention and all… we wanted to cook you a gourmet meal!"

He cocked an eyebrow up at them. They both burst into laughter and ran out of the Main Hall.

"DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED AT US?!" Kait burst between howling.

"He thought we were absolutely mad!!!!" Triana said through her mirth.

"WAIT! WAIT, I GOT IT. SNAPE MAKEOVER."

So that was a fun chapter! It's taken me two days to write this chapter though, I'm quite the busy bee. So, I hope you liked it! I'm off to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23: Snape's Makeover

Okay, so, I took one of those universal Mary Sue tests, to see if my characters were Mary Sues. Welllll, I knew they weren't from the start, but I took the test to get a good laugh, AND OMG IT WAS THE MOST HILARIOUS THING EVER!! Just reading through the test put me in complete frikkin hysterics. Because all the criteria just reminded me of all the stupid shit ive read in fanfics and rpgs… god. Lmao. LMAO. Just thinking about it LOLZ. BUT, I realized, while taking it, my characters really don't have much depth! I mean, it's wonderful that they aren't pathetically sueish and stupid, but they honestly don't have a lot to them, which I find rather depressing. But I don't want to BORE you with superfluous details about my characters, so ill have to work it into the story somehow. Somehow.

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Chapter 23: Snape MAKEOVER. 

The two girls conspired out of Snape's office door, with the most hungry look in their eyes imagineable. This, they knew, would be PERFECT. Triana had brought all of the supplies from her room. She had a copious amount of beauty supplies, secretly wanting to be a hairdresser or cosmetologist for models when she grew up, since she wasn't pretty enough to actually be one. She had been waiting for the opportunity to arrive where she would be able to hone her skills, and this event seemed like a good stepping stone in her experience.

As they both stared at the door, Kait shrieked, "HIYA!" and ferociously kicked the door in.

Snape was already standing and now had his wand drawn. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?!"

"OUR DETENTION!" Triana screamed. She conjured up the leather chairs that were used in hair salons, then the matching vanity with the multiple gadgets on it.

Kait flanked him by surprised and grabbed his wand from his hand, and then shoved Snape into the chair, where straps slided up from the leather arms and bound his wrists.

"Let me go, THIS INSTANT!" he bellowed, at first trying to contain his anger but then not being able to bear it.

"You told us to do our detention then report to you AFTER it. So you can't stop us until it's finished."

He growled angrily and glowered at them, realizing it was futile to fight.

"You're both losing so many points…" he glowered.

"We're on your orders! If working with YOU isn't tedious I don't know what is… and let me assure you, this will be QUITE productive," Kait snickered.

During this exchange, Triana was setting up her various bottles and gadgets on the vanity and getting everything set up. She handed a small bag to Kait and said, "Fix his nails while I work on that hair," while glancing at the mess that she referred to.

Kait pointed her wand at his shoes and they came off. Immediately, she also cast Scourgify on them, so that she would be willing to actually work with them. She kneeled down and opened up the bag. She took out a huge file and being working away.

Triana tipped back Snape's salon chair so that his locks, if they can even be classified as so, dipped into the sink that was embedded in the vanity. She turned on the faucet and the sink filled up. As soon as the water touched a piece of his hair, a smoky trail weaved through the sea.

"EW!! Your hair is like… oozing its grease!" Triana screamed, making Kait snort with laughter. Triana pumped the faucet, and then picked up her very large salon-quality bottle of shampoo. She snapped open the lid, then turned it completely upside down over Snape's head. The translucent, sappy liquid seeped over his mane.

"AHH, IT BURNS!!" he screamed, jerking around in his chair.

"Oh calm down, it's only shampoo!"

"WHAT?!! NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!" he shrieked even louder, eyes widened and hands shaking (despite his bonds) in panic.

Triana didn't understand, but soon it dawned on her what was happening. As she massaged the soap through his hair and scalp, more of the grease and gook fell off the tresses. Pulsing her hands through his hair, foam lathered up and she pulled more and more gunk into the water. It was like removing layers of an onion, and she felt there would soon be nothing left. The water had turned so black that she couldn't see his strands anymore, only the white fluffs of shampoo. As the new water ran in and the darker water was drained, however, she gasped as what she saw. Her hands twitched and snapped away from his head, and let out a small cry of surprise.

"What!? What happened?" Kait asked from her position on the ground.

Snape's eyes were closed in frustration, and he knew what was coming.

"He… he… HE'S A BLONDE! A _platinum_ blonde!" Triana screamed, a smile beginning to creep across her face.

"What?!" Kait leapt off the ground and stood over the sink. Sure enough, through the running water, vibrant blond (but much shorter) hair cascaded into the sink.

"I… I don't get it!" Triana said, through short, awkward, rather bewildered laughs.

"Well, I haven't washed my hair. Ever." He said, trying to keep his voice even. "So, it wasn't long before my blond hair turned… quite dark, with various things..."

"That's worse than dreadlocks! What happened when it rained?" Kait asked, cocking her head to the side, with an amazed and curious smile on her face.

"Some of us sensible people like to wear hoods," he replied tersely, "I was actually wondering if it still really was blond…."

Triana, now grinning more than ever, mocked him saying, "Well I guess everyone can dispel the rumor that blondes have more fun," she taunted.

He bared his teeth in fury. "Can we hurry up and get this over with!?"

Kait finished up his toes, leaving them quite impeccable but still unpainted (much to his gratitude). She then moved onto his fingernails, which were equally as grotesque as his hair. She started on them while Triana conditioned and finished treating his hair.

Triana took a moment and examined his face, with his sopping wet blond hair still trailing into the sink. Something seemed… off. Just slightly, that's all. She couldn't decide what it was, though! She tipped her head to the side and narrowed her eyes and concentration. He looked back at her questioningly, not sure what he was staring at, and then he rolled his eyes. SHE GOT IT. It completely clicked for her. His thick, bushy eyebrows were still black. Ewww, she thought, it must be the same sort of situation as his hair. She grabbed a washcloth off the vanity, ran it under the water, and then rubbed it vigorously across his forehead. Again, black grime ran down into the water, revealing bright blond eyebrows.

Triana pushed the chair back up and it locked into place. She took out her wand and started to dry his hair using the hot air coming from the tip. When his hair was still dark it was quite straight and lank, weighed down by all of the filth clinging to it. Now that it was clean, it was about an inch and a half shorter, plus a bit more voluminous. She styled it, and cut a bit of it just to clean it up. It now had a set pattern, rather than just falling any which way it chose.

"Damn, son! You look bitchin'!" she said, standing back, proud of her work.

"Thank you kindly," he said through gritted teeth.

Kait, who was finished with Snape's nails, decided he needed a few more things. While Triana picked out his outfit from a stash she pilfered from the Room of Requirement, Kait gave him a facial. She started with an exfoliating cleanser and worked around his entire face. After washing the lather off from that, she toned his face with a magical astringent (lmao) and finished off with a light sunless tanning cream. This gave him the tiniest bit of color instead of his former pasty complexion. The new hue went very well with the light blonde of his hair.

As Kait was making last-minute touchups, Triana came over towards them carrying a hanger.

"Ta-da!" she shouted and smiled, holding up the hanger. Upon it was a set of clear blue robes. They were the color of the sky at dusk. It was not a navy blue, nor dark blue, but more of sedated cobalt. They were quite nice and were an extreme improvement from his battered, deteriorating black frock coat that he so preferred.

His face was one of slight terror but also of dumbfounderment (the online dictionary says it's a word!). The long-lasting effects of this ordeal began to dawn on him.

Kait, making sure his wand was under the last layer of her clothing, unlocked the straps that were around his wrist. Then Triana went over and gave the set of robes to him.

He looked at the robes, and then looked back at the girls, without the slightest clue.

"Put them on!"

"With you watching!?" he added, terrified. It seemed that he was no longer as completely stoic and detached as he used to be, and now he was rather vulnerable to all the earthly emotions that most people had.

"Whatever, we'll turn around." The two girls both turned around, and Snape hesitantly changed while continuing to snap his head back toward their direction to make sure they weren't looking.

"Okay… um, I'm all finished."

The two girls spun back around as fast as they could. Standing before them was a completely different person. Not handsome, but someone who looked clean. And normal! Much younger than before, with his face looking blank rather than contorted into its usual scowl.

"Fabulous!" Kait shrieked, much higher than usual.

The two girls ran over and embraced Snape in a big hug, and he made sort of a sad whine but let them finish. By the time the whole ordeal was over, the sun was beginning to set.

"So, who's up for dinner?" Triana said, breaking away from the cluster of bodies and beginning to clean up her supplies.

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WOO! Teeheeeee. That was fun! It's taken me a little though, sorry about that. I'm in a camp that puts a MUSICAL together in TWO WEEKS. Musical. Two Weeks. Yeah, so, it's difficult to find time. Yay!!! 


	24. Chapter 24: Snape' s Dinner Time

Blah, I hope this is believable. I'm trying to keep people IC but Snape sorta had a change, y'know?! Well, not a full LIFE change, but I mean he's temporarily freaked out. AND THANK YOU TO MY LOVELY REVIEWERS. You're the same peeps every time, but I still love you!

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Chapter 24: Snape's Dinner Time!

"I'm NOT leaving my office like this," he snapped, fiddling with his hair while looking in the mirror on the vanity.

"Come on, you look great!" Triana attempted.

"I don't care. It's so… humiliating. Lord, I'm a blonde! It's so sad... but true..." he cried, looking away from the mirror.

"Well… I still have your wand," she noted, patting her robes, "So if you'd ever like to perform magic again, I'd suggest dropping the melodrama and get to dinner."

He sighed, and forced himself towards his office door. The girls opened it and shoved him out so he could lead them through the extensive dungeon passageways.

They walked through the hallways until getting into the Grand Staircase room, and Snape paused before walking in through the double-doors of the Main Hall. He was quite nervous, although he didn't know why, for he had never really cared what people thought about him before. (Yes, the author CAN suddenly write 3rd person omniscient rather than 3rd person limited. Suck it.) But he still fiddled with the sleeves of his robes between his thumb and forefinger and his mouth became fairly parched before he entered.

The two girls sighed and went in before him, and he followed his wand through the double-doors. Some of the students looked over to the door, like always, but did a double-take after glancing back. This double-take was a cue for the other students to check out what their attention was towards, and soon everyone was staring at the door. Snape had stopped dead in his tracks, and Triana and Kait decided to stay with him for emotional support (and so the whole student body could see that it was their doing).

Some of the kids had their mouths agape; some wore grins across their faces. Yet some looked perplexed; they didn't recognize the older man and was wondering why everyone seemed so surprised. Then others were looking around at the fellow students, seeking to inform the said perplexed.

Kait and Triana were grinning. Snape's heart was pounding. It all seemed to go in slow motion. He felt lost, though he knew exactly where he was. He cleared his throat with nervousness, composed his face (though inside he was still quaking), and took a step towards the staff table. Then he took another. Soon the steps became fluid and flowed together, and his normal gait returned. He sat down at his place at the table, and then glowered at his fellow colleagues, who turned away from him to look back at their meals. As soon as Professor Sinistra got up from the table, Professor Trelawney took the seat she was sitting in, which was conveniently next to Snape. She then proceeded to scoot up very close to Snape and lean her head in closely next to his ear, while whispering,

"You know," she said in a wannabe-sultry voice, "My Eye has seen this… _change_ that has been brought upon you…."

Snape snapped his whole body away from her and a panicked flash shone behind his eyes.

"I have also foreseen," she continued steamily, "A certain… convergence of a two certain sprits…." She licked her lips after this while raising her eyebrows suggestively, ending it with a wink.

Snape whole body shuddered in one intense convulsion, then stood up from the table and walked out of the Great Hall in total disgust.

Meanwhile, Kait and Triana were receiving full attention from all of the students around them. They were bombarded with questions, comments, applause, etc.

"How'd you do it!?"

"Aren't you in trouble?!"

"Will either of you go out with me!?"

"DAYUM HE'S FINE!"

These various remarks continued until after sundown, and even back in the Slytherin common room. However, as Kait was explaining for the thousandth time how she had taken his wand before strapping him to the chair, she absent-mindedly patted her robes, and felt his wand there. She jumped up onto her feet in surprise, yanked Triana by the arm, and sped out of the common room.

As they entered the hallway, Triana yelled, "WHAT THE HELL!?"

"Ohh my frikkin god. I still have his wand!"

Triana burst out into laughter. They both searched through the hallways and eventually found his office. They rapped on the door, and Snape's voice echoed, "Come in."

The two girls entered hesitantly, and saw Snape sitting in a wooden chair, reading a book.

Triana nudged Kait, and she started with surprise. "Oh! Um, right, I still have your wand," stated Kait, quite content with herself for remembering.

Snape looked at her imploringly, and Triana nudged her once more.

"Oh!" she cried, and then shook her head while fishing his wand from the depths of her clothing, "And here it is!" She presented the wand foolishly and grinned.

He took it cautiously and rolled his eyes.

"So, Professor, why didn't you come and get it from her in the Great Hall?" Triana asked.

"I didn't want to have to face that excuse of a person… your Professor, Sybill Trelawney." he spat, looking postively ferocious, with his features distorted by the dim firelight.

The two girls looked at each other with wide eyes and simply shrugged, then sped off back to the common room.

They sat on a sofa in front of a fire and discussed what they had witnessed.

"Hmm… I wonder why he detests her so much!" Kait said.

"Probably because she doesn't walk like a zombie and she actually uses facial expressions! Oh, and I've never noticed anything unusual about her hygiene, either. And the whole color thing?" Triana replied.

"No, no, all the other teachers are normal too! Something must have happened between him and her!"

"Ooh, scandals! How kinky!"

"I can't really see those two together, though, I mean… it's not even like they could've ended up together."

"Kait, we have to find out. SECRETS ARE WAITING TO BE DISCOVERED! BY US! Aww, what if he still has feelings for her?! Oh my gosh, that must be why he is so bitter all the time! HE LOVES HER! WE HAVE TO REKINDLE THEIR RELATIONSHIP!" Triana ranted, getting progressively louder and getting to the point where she started shaking Kait by the shoulders.

"You're so right! Oh my god, Triana, YOU ARE A GENIUS! THIS IS SO PERFECT AND ABSOLUTELY OBVIOUS! WHY DIDN'T WE SEE IT BEFORE!?!?" Kait responded with the same fervor, sincerely and earnestly.

They went to bed extremely excited about their plans, and could not wait for the days that would follow. However, Triana was feeling particularly homesick, so she decided to write a letter home. With all the excitement going on at Hogwarts, she had totally forgotten about her family.

She pulled out a piece of parchment and quill, and then wrote her letter by wand-light. Her family lived in the Kaliningrad Oblast (look it up), which is why she went to Durmstrang rather than a different school, but she didn't always consider herself Russian, since she was surrounded by Belarusians, Ukrainians, Lithuanians, and the like. Her letter was written in Russian, but it is roughly translated as:

"Dear Mom, Father, and Jake,

Hogwarts is the best! I can't even begin to tell you how different it is from Durmstrang. There is furniture in the dorms! Warm comfy beds we get to sleep on, squishy armchairs and fire places in the common rooms… oh yeah, there are these house things! They are like divisions of the students that separate them by their personality traits. Hufflepuff is the house of the loyal, Slytherin is the house of the cunning, Gryffindor is the house of the brave, and Ravenclaw is house of the clever. I'm in all of them except Hufflepuff (long story), and Kait is in Slytherin. OH YEAH, Kait's here! Remember, I told you about her? She transferred to Beauxbatons at the same time as me, but the French wouldn't take her because of her mohawk! So now she's here! We actually learn stuff in our classes, most of our teachers are nice, and they feed us very well! Oh, and best of all, there's Quidditch! I play on the Slytherin team as a Seeker! Kait play's Beater on the same team! We haven't played our first game yet, but we're going to win. How are Mr. Mittens and Sweater? I hope they're getting along well. Tell Jake I miss him, and that school really isn't as bad as I always pretend it is…. Tell me how you both are, and the neighbors too, even the city, anything new about home! I really want to come back for the holidays. I hope you're all well!

Eternal Love,

Triana"

She slipped the letter into her bag, deciding to deliver it in the morning. Writing the letter helped her homesickness, but she still thought about her home. She lived in a medium-sized house in a relatively busy part of town. Her house was right in front of a main road, and she loved it so much. It was made with Victorian architecture, even though that was quite unusual for her area. None of the houses dating back to that era were in an English style, for the land was constantly being conquered by surrounding countries. Her parents had specifically asked for the Victorian characteristics, so it wasn't authentic but it _was_ charming. Her mother was a snippy woman who was strict and proper with all things public, only being herself when it was completely in the privacy of their own home. Her father was a sweet man, who had fallen in love with her mother when she was still a regular, rather outgoing girl. She had become like she was as soon as she had gotten married, and Triana felt bad for her father sometimes. The two parents fought a lot about her mother's oddity, and Triana didn't like either of them as much as she used to, because now she recognized their undeniable flaws, which they could fix but didn't feel the need to. She wanted to go back, particularly, because of her home. She absolutely loved her house. And her little brother, Jake. But her house could instantly cheer her up, no matter what.

She gave a sigh, extinguished the light from her wand, and went to sleep.

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Yay! This chapter has taken forever, I'm really sorry for the wait. Every time I sit down and write, I get sleepy and have to take a nap…. So yeah, I hope you like it. 


	25. Chapter 25: Holy Crap, Everything!

This chapter is going to be UBERLONG, because I am absolutely terrified to write a chapter that doesn't initiate a plot (so, if a plot ever DOES emerge, thank FreakyD45663), but I still need to wrap up some non-plot things. So YAY THIS CHAPTER WILL TAKE ME FOREVERR (im starting on August 16, 2007).

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Chapter 25: Holy Crap, everything!

Screw waking up and eating breakfast; that takes way too freaking long to write AND IT PROVIDES NO SIGNIFIGANT INFORMATION IN THIS CASE. The girls entered the potions class room in the dungeons and sat at the tables along with their fellow classmates.

When Snape came in, much to the girls' dismay, his hair was back to its usual black color. Of course, it was much cleaner and still shorter, so they knew he must have dyed it or cast a spell upon it to get it back to that shade. They doubted he would ever wash it again, however. During the class, he avoided them as much as possible but did not try to punish or humiliate them. This made them feel lucky, so they decided to stay after class and test out what they thought to be the reason behind Snape's bitterness.

As class was dismissed, they just kind of sat around at the tables, not knowing what to do and looking really dumb.

Snape, without turning to them, said, "As kindly as I've treated you before, that does not mean I want to spend any more time than I have to with either of you," as he put away the rest of the potions supplies.

"Oh, of course not," Triana gave a fake laugh, "I mean, please, we all know you're gay…."

Kait slapped her hand to her forehead. Real smooth, Triana. Subtly is TOTALLY your thing… she thought sarcastically.

He paused slightly just for a moment, but then continued with his work and his speech. "How _did_ you know? Ah yes, a few years ago Professor Quirrel and I had the most fleeting relationship, let me tell you, until I learned what he was, of course. Oh god, the Dark Lord teased me about that one for _weeks_…."

Kait was wide-eyed in shock. Their whole plan was falling and crashing around her!

Snape, upon noticing the silence, turned around. At the sight of the girls' faces, he said, "I was _kidding._"

"Oh, righ—AHAHAHAHA THAT WAS HILARIOUS!" Triana quickly laughed rather lamely and forcedly. Kait joined in too, but they held the laughs for too long to be convincing.

Noticing Snape wasn't buying it, she started up again. "Well, since it turns out you aren't gay, could you tell us which staff member YOU ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH!?"

Okay, so, Triana sucked at getting information from people. I mean, she _was_ a partial Slytherin and hung out with them all the time, but she was also a combination of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Sometimes she lost her head a little.

"What are you going on about?" he snapped at them.

"We know about… your relationship with Professor Trelawney. I'm sure it wasn't your fault she broke up with you! That's why were here to help! WE SENSE THE CHEMISTRY! As disturbing as the whole thing is, we can tell how much she means to you. It's all so sweet, and tragic! And you know, if we could just keep up your new appearance, I'm almost positive she'll consider!" Kait burst forth ecstatically.

"Both of you. Detention." He fumed, with his eyes closed and fists balled.

"Aww… when?" Triana said, getting over it rather quickly.

He sighed. "Ugh, right now."

"YAY! I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO HISTORY OF MAGIC!" Kait cheered.

"So what do you want us to do, Professor?"

"Just… sit here and DON'T DO ANYTHING. If I assign you to anything you'll just screw it up and humiliate yourselves," he spat caustically.

He went back into his office to do paperwork or something.

The two girls sat there for a while, tapping their quills against parchment… not knowing how to pass the time.

"Hey, Kait?"

"Yeah?"

"Well… now that we have Snape's other detention out of the way and we have this free time on our hands, I say we should think about the work thing."

"You're right…."

The workin their sweatshops had been getting increasingly strenuous on them, and especially the younger kids, in the past week. Their Quidditch team didn't have enough energy to practice, and their match was this weekend. Everyone's grades were falling behind; there was a drought of detentions (besides all of theirs), causing the school to fall into a slight, very subtle state of poor shape.

Also, the teachers all seemed to be more bitter or just slightly more weary within the past weeks.

"We could tell the professors that they need to do something…" Kait babbled out.

"They all love Dumbledore too much; they'd never do anything to him," Triana cut off.

"Well, I love Dumbledore too!"

"I do too, don't get me wrong…" Triana mumbled.

"Ugh, this is exactly what's happening to everyone else! Just because we like him doesn't mean we can stand around while he hurts other people we like! I don't know what has come over him, but I don't want these younger students to have to suffer, and I know that he doesn't either," Kait lectured

"You're very right Kait, we have to find out what is going on here, and put a stop to it. I just don't know where to begin!"

They sat there in though for a few moments.

Then, Triana decided, "We can't get much done sitting here in detention."

Kait pointed her wand at her shoes. "Silencio!" she whispered, and the spell shot towards them and hit them with the jolt. She did the same to Triana's, and they both carefully stood up from their seats. They walked on their silenced shoes towards the door, and then they cast the same spell towards it, swiftly opened it, and walked out of Snape's classroom.

"Wow, that was easy!" Kait whispered while beaming, after they had shut the door.

"Yeah… the hard part will be finding out way out of here, back to the Grand Staircase," Triana groaned softly.

"Uh…"

After a quick round of eenie-meenie-miney-mo, the girls went left.

After walking for a little, they came upon the entrances to 3 hallways.

"I don't think we went the right way… I don't remember these hallways. At all," Triana sighed.

"It has to be this way! We did eenie-meenie-miney-mo!" Kait shouted.

"Fine then, what path do we take now?" Triana asked, rolling her eyes.

After yet another round of eenie-meenie-miney-mo, they went through the middle hallway.

After coming upon more and more forks and tri-forks in the hallways, and after more and more sequences of eenie-meenie-miney-mo (and arguing), the girls finally came to a large, stone door. The stone was black mica, and gave off an odd reflection in the torch-light. They tried it, but it was securely locked. Alohamora had no affect and neither did kicking it various times.

"So what now?" Kait asked.

"Hm… let's go back to the last fork, go through a different hallway, and after we get to that door we'll come out and go to the last tri-fork and go through all of those hallways until we get to all of those doors…"

The more they thought about it, the more they realized in full how many doors there would be. (A/N: If I were any good at ASCII art, I'd draw you a map of what this underground spectacle looked like. But alas, one person can only do so many things).

"Cmon, let just go back," Kait whined after their fourth door and their quadrillionth headache.

"NO. We're part of something scandalous and/or mysterious! We can't just quit!"

So they trudged onwards literally for HOURS, when finally they had come to, what they deduced to be, the very last door. The two girls sighed and looked at each other. At the same time, they both gave the door a powerful side-kick. However, instead of their kicks landing on the stone wall, their legs went straight through it as if it was air, and they lost their balance and fell over.

Their fall propelled their entire bodies through the door, and they toppled out into an monstrous, cathedral-sized underground cavern.

"What are the odds!? The LAST door we get to! Finally, THAT'S the one!" Triana was about to go on a furious rant about this, but she stopped short when her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting and she looked up at where she was.

"…what the fuck?" Kait asked in wonder.

Their eyes both went to the ceiling, where there seemed to be a strange liquid hovering in the air… not resting upon anything. A large mass of water, completely unsupported, was the very top of the dome that they had found themselves in. There even seemed to be creatures in the water! Some large, some small… but the water was murky and green, so they couldn't exactly see whatever was in there.

Then they scanned the innards of the cavern. It was damp and there were a few mismatching tables in various places, with detailed drawings and charts and descriptions or ingredients and vials upon them. Then, in one corner (I don't know if you can have corners in a dome BUT JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION) there were various cauldrons, which were being tended to by a few house elves. The house elves scampered quickly from the ingredient tables back to the cauldrons, then hastily fiddled with the flames underneath it, stirred, looked through instructions, ran back to the potions table, and so on in that sequence, with each cycle taking about 2 seconds. In other words, these potions were difficult.

There was actually a goblin who was sitting at one of the tables looking through a chart and a very long summary of something. However, with all of the fussing that was already going on, no one had noticed the girls' entrances. The quickly dove back through the imaginary wall and peeked their eyes out, so they could see but could barely be seen.

"What is this place…?" Kait asked.

"Do you remember a while back when I called Umbridge a ho and she walked back this way? She must know about this place, there's nothing else down this part of the dungeon!" Triana deduced.

"So… it could be her… lair. Ew," Kait sneered, "So, we need to find out what she's up to! There is something very evil afoot!"

"It would be simple if only the house elves were here… they'd tell us anything. But that goblin! So good with security… gah…"Triana sighed.

"Wait… Umbridge, letting a _goblin_ work for her? She's probably got him chained to the table doing work that she's to dumb to figure out herself. I honestly don't think she'd want a nonhuman messing with her workings, unless they were completely fool proof like house elves," Kait said, perplexed.

"If he's not, then what _is_ the security?" Triana asked, "Oh, right, 63 doors before this one. I almost forgot," she spat angrily, answering her own question.

Just then, they heard a loud **BAM!** and everything went black for the both of them.

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Wow, what a hideous way to end a chapter. Well, I'm really sorry about taking so long to update. I really was getting blocked, since I needed a plot and all… but thank you to my reviewers! I love you! I went back to school shopping today cries. UGH. I hate thinking about it xD. So yes, I hope I didn't make any of you die in anguish, and hopefully there will be a new chapter up soon! Okay wait hold on I need 40 more words so that I can be over 2,000 words. So… OH so I had this dream last night that I was married to this guy, and I had two kids. And I hated it (I don't want to get married or have kids ever). So in the middle of the night I took all of my husband's money while he was sleeping and ran away from home! I went to a different state, introduced myself by a different name, and started a new life. xD I think that is what I would actually do in real life if I somehow did end up married with 2 kids. Hopefully I won't ever fall into a state of drunkenness that lasts long enough for me to go through with all that though… OKAY WERE OVER 2,000 WORDS GOODNIGHT EVERYONE. 


	26. Chapter 26: What am I doing?

Thank you for all the reviews! Sorry this chapter is so late… I do like 80,000 other things besides write fanfiction, so blah. (I'm currently in a play, I play Maplestory, reading the Hunchback of Notre-dame, honors classes at school, I draw, I do voice acting, and I enjoy sleeping, oh, and I have a cold atm, etc.)

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Chapter 26: What am I doing? 

(A/N: OMG I STARTED WRITING THIS CHAPTER WITHOUT REMEMBERING THE BAM! THAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST CHAPTER! AHAHA I STARTED IT OUT LIKE IT WAS THE NEXT REGULAR MORNING WOW IM HAVING SOME TROUBLES TODAY.)

Kait was the first to slip out of unconsciousness, and when she awoke she was staring at a white ceiling, which was rather unusual to find in Hogwarts since it was mostly crafted out of wood and stone. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, not really comprehending the fact that she was in an unknown place. She just wanted to sleep; that's all she cared about; so she rolled over on her side. However, that is when she realized she was lying on a cold stone floor. As soon as the bare skin on her face touched the surface, she bolted straight up with a start and opened her eyes.

The room was white. White ceilings, white walls, white stone tile upon the floors. It had torches lining the wall that blazed with white fire. AND NO WINDOWS MWAHAHAHA. Odd, I know. The room was not very spacious; it was about the size of her house's kitchen. And there weren't any doors to get in or out. So yes, Kait looked around and immediately spotted Triana, lying in a heap on the floor. She crawled over to her and shook her.

"Triana, Triana, wake up! I think we died!"

Triana's brown eyes flashed open and saw the look on Kate's face, but didn't really hear what she had sad. She slowly crawled up from off the floor and sat upright.

"Where are we…?"

"Heaven! HIGH-FIVE GIRL WE MADE IT IN WOOO!" Kait beamed and held out her hand.

Triana high-fived it only so that Kait would shut up, not because she actually agreed.

Suddenly, a small _pop!_ echoed throughout the room, and in a flash of light Umbridge appeared in front of them.

Kait shrieked with absolute terror. "HOW DID SHE GET UP HERE!?! THIS ISN'T HEAVEN AT ALL! THIS IS LIKE SOME CRUEL, SICK JOKE OF HELL!"

Umbridge gave a sharp sneer while sending a Silencing spell at Kait. Just to be safe, she hit Triana with one too.

Kait was trying to scream with all her might, but no sound could escape her, however desperately she needed it too.

Triana just sat there. She was still half-asleep and couldn't care less about what happened to her.

Umbridge made a toad-face and started to speak. "So… I see you girls have discovered the way I've gotten so much influence around the school lately…."

The girls had no idea what she was talking about. All they had seen was a room of bubbling cauldrons and a lot of parchment. And a goblin… but they didn't know what it meant. All that stuff was pretty average in the Wizarding world.

After noting their blank expressions, she went on. "Can't get it, can you? Then you're more worthless to me than I thought," she pointed her short, thick wand at Triana. "Incarcerous!" Dark green vines shot up and intertwined themselves tautly around her. Umbridge walked closely to her while smiling that wicked grin of hers. She pulled a small vial full of ice blue liquid out of her robes and took out the stopped. She pushed Triana's head back and jammed the vial into her mouth while gripping her neck so she couldn't get away.

Triana tried hard not to swallow the liquid, but she knew if she ever wanted to breathe again, she had to. The liquid felt like it froze her throat as it went down, and as soon as it blew its icy cold air into her stomach, she started going completely numb. Her eyes started to close, and when Umbridge saw this she pointed her wand at Triana and muttered a short spell. When the spell hit Triana's chest, she felt like her soul drifted out of her body and floated upwards. Now she could only watch what happened to her body as she stayed so barely attached that she couldn't control herself.

However, while this was going on, Umbridge, lacking much-needed logic, had not been paying any attention to little old Kait, who was fervent and frenzied at the excitement. She had scooted ever so slowly away from Umbridge, so that she was soon behind her. She was thinking about running over to Umbridge as soon as she had approached Kait, but she realized that she was the only one with a wand, and that wouldn't work very well.

So as soon as Triana had drained the very last of the liquid, Kait ran with full force towards Umbridge, wished she could bellow a war cry or a rebel yell, jumped into the air, stuck her left leg straight out, and landed a kick straight onto Umbridge's back. Umbridge gave a cry of pain mingled with shock and flew towards the ground, narrowly missing Triana. Her wand shot from her hand as she landed, and Kait leapt off of her and grabbed it. Kait then darted over to Triana, grabbed her vine-covered soulless body and apparated out. At Durmstrang, they had learned to apparate early in their Dark Arts classes.

When they Kait opened her eyes, she was in the middle of Diagon alley, outside of Florean Fortescue's Ice-Cream Parlor (real place (well, real in the sense that it's in Harry Potter). Look it up). Kait gasped and pulled Triana into a small alley so no one would see them. She gripped Umbridge's wand; the small stick fit awkwardly in her large hand. Nevertheless, she pointed at Triana's ropes. "Diffindo!" she shouted. They split and slid off of her, falling into a small pile on the ground. Triana just stood there, rather motionless, with her now dull eyes looking straight ahead, similar to a mannequin except she wasn't as pretty.

Kait didn't know what to do about Triana. "Ennervate…?" she attempted rather weakly. The spell hit her and her eyes lit up for a moment but then fell back into their sedated state.

That was the extent of Kait's spells. So she thought some more, and decided that they should take off their school robes, since it would be weird for them to be out during the day wearing them. After pulling them off herself and Triana, she evanesco-ed them away. Under Kait's were jeans and a blue button-up knit sweater with a white cami underneath, while Triana was wearing jeans and a black long sleeved shirt with a tie around the waist. Kait pulled Triana out of the alley and into the ice cream parlor. A lady with shiny black hair pulled into ponytail walked over to them and asked what they wanted. Kait just ordered two sundaes. After she walked away, she heaved a sigh and leaned back in her seat.

A man from a few tables away called to them, "Hey, aren't you girls supposed to be in school today?"

"…It's a… holiday for private schools…." Kait tried to say as convincingly as she could. It was the classic cut-class excuse. The man shrugged and went back to reading his paper.

When the sundaes were brought out, Kait started to eat hers but realized that Triana wasn't responding to the food at all. Kait picked up the spoon of Triana's sundae and tried to hand feed her like a baby. This was very ineffective and only resulted in strange looks from the other customers.

She sighed and thought about what Umbridge did to her. Why would Umbridge want to turn her into a living doll? It made no sense… if she wanted her not to interfere with something she could've killed her or kept her trapped somewhere… to keep her alive like this would be wasteful and unnecessary. But she said that we were more worthless than she thought, meaning she didn't think we _could_ interfere at all…. She looked down at her hand, where Umbridge's wand still was being held. She gripped it and inconspicuously pointed it at Triana. "Triana, eat."

Triana suddenly came to life as if she were herself again, and ate her sundae normally, like everyone else in the store.

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WELL, that was a good way to end a chapter. And I really don't feel like reading over it so feel free to correct my grammar mistakes!

WOOOOOOOOOOO 40,000 WORDS YES WE HAVE REACHED A NEW LANDMARK!!!! NOW IF SOMEONE PUTS IN A SETTING AS 40,000+ FOR A STORY, MINE WILL COME UP! YAYYY!!!!!!!!!


	27. Chapter 27: I don't even know!

IM LIKE REALLY HYPER!! OMG!!! And I'm REALLY sorry I haven't updated. I don't know if you guys actually care, (I hope you do… because I care about you!) BUT HERE IT IS. I missed writing! I'm so sorry, but I do so much other crap that takes up time. And stuff. LORDY. SO HERES A CHAPTER! Hopefully it'll be really long… I have lots of time tonight MWHAHAHAHA.

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Chapter 27: I don't even know!

Kait gasped and dropped her spoon as she saw Triana react. "Triana?! Are you back?! Thank god!"

However, Triana just ate her sundae and acted as if nothing had been said.

Kait was really confused. What was going on? She could control Triana with Umbridge's wand. Wait, Umbridge! Crap! What were they doing in a public place!? Umbridge knew that she had her wand and that she had apparated somewhere. AND SHE WENT TO DIAGON ALLEY!?! How stupid could she be!? She slammed some coins down on the table and got up to run out. But Triana stayed at the table. Dammit! She pointed the short wand at her again. "Triana, stop eating and follow me."

Triana did as she told and they both ran outside and into another alley as fast as they could. Kait racked her mind for places that were remote and devoid of people. She knew plenty of places from Russia, but she didn't want to risk apparating that far at the danger of splinching. Then she suddenly remembered the trip to England that her family had taken a few years ago. They had gone on a camping trip in a large forest up in the northern part of the country. She focused intently while gripping Triana's arm tightly. In just a second, she vanished from the spot.

They were standing, like Kait had hoped, at the edge of a remote forest. When Kait's family had been there, there hadn't been any magical creatures with whom to get tangled. Hopefully, it had remained that way. (A/N: That verb, 'had remained' is a pluperfect verb! I learned that tense in Latin! Omg, I even know how to say that verb in Latin! Remansurum erat! Aw hellz yeah.)

Kait made sure to conjure the many protective spells they had learned in Durmstrang. She'd never really thought about how odd their choice of curriculum was when comparing it to Hogwarts…. But anyway, she sat up against one of the trees on the edge of the forest and commanded Triana to do the same. Her mind was in a state of pandemonium. She was trying to figure out everything all at once: Triana, Umbridge, that white room, the goblins and house elves, that cavern, everything!

She decided to start from the beginning. Okay, so… they were walking through a LOT of doors… that meant it was secured. But, they could go through that one door! So… what if someone got really lucky on their first try? No one would want to take that risk… that didn't make sense. Okay, so she couldn't figure out that one for now.

She took a breath of the sweet air around her, and moved on to the next mystery. Where had she ended up? She thought about everything she had seen…. It didn't have to be a part of Hogwarts, since some of the other hidden passages led to other places, so it was hard for her to narrow down a location. She tried really hard to think, but she was still recovering from when she was knocked out (before waking up in the white room). Then she suddenly saw a flash in her mind. In that cavern, the mysterious cauldrons that were being avidly taken care of by the house elves contained a bright, crystal blue potion! It was the same potion as the kind Umbridge had given Triana! So… Umbridge was having elves produce highly advanced potions that would… control people…. Triana wasn't the first one she had used it on. She knew exactly what she was doing when she was administering it. She couldn't believe it! How had all of this gone on, but she… or anyone else, wasn't noticing it?

She sighed. She solved something but it lead to more questions, just like every mystery. For a bit though, her mind wandered to Triana. It seemed that the doll that was once her body couldn't control itself at all. If Kait wasn't there, it seemed as if it would starve to death even if it was surrounded by food. She tried to think as logically as she could. Umbridge wouldn't use something that impractical… maybe she had house elves control the puppets? No… they needed wands. She kept thinking… maybe there was a spell that would allow the puppet to acquire its own basic needs. That was really a grey area though, in her mind… what defined a basic need, and what defined the most inconspicuous way to go about getting them? It seemed too advanced for something as risky as magic, where there were little boundaries and even less common sense.

She sighed, and decided that for now she'd better try to keep Triana's body in the best shape. She commanded it to do everything she could think of that would help it be more comfortable.

Now she didn't know what to do… her head hurt from thinking, and she didn't feeling like making shelter.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, KAIT RAN AND KICKED A TREE BECAUSE SHE WAS PISSED AT HOW SLOW MYSPACE WAS BEING!! UGH!!

(A/N: …writing is expressive.)

Now, Kait's foot hurt. Just wonderful! This day was going great. Hey, at least she wouldn't have to take any classes until she got back. Wait… when was she going back? Ugh, she really needed to learn how to think ahead. Wishing she had Triana there to consult her, she lay down on the grass.

The atmosphere crashed at her face while the sky grew darker and duller, and stars started to poke through the blank canvas.

JUST THEN, KAIT LEAPT UP AND RAN AROUND JOYFULLY, SCREAMING ABOUT HOW HAPPY SHE WAS THAT MYSPACE FINALLY LOADED HER PAGE!

Right, so she lay back down in the grass and ordered Triana to go stretch because she had not moved from the same position for an hour.

Kait's stomach rumbled. She started to panic. She realized how completely unprepared she was to be stuck in the middle of nowhere for God knows how long…. She wondered if Triana could be of any benefit.

"Triana… go hunt up something both of us can eat."

Kait felt bad about taking advantage of this predicament, but an android is more likely to succeed than a human.

In mere minutes, Triana returned holding a dead… deer? She hunted down a deer with her bare hands? Holy crap…. It appeared to have a broken neck. As much as Kait was disturbed, she still magically started a fire and suspended the deer over it to cook. After some time had passed, Kait removed it from the fire.

I'll spare you all from the details here, but they ended up eating the deer meat.

Kait set up a bed for her out of leaves, and Triana set up her own (much more efficiently than Kait, too). They both lay down and slept a good night's rest and Kait prayed for good luck with the surrounding days.

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Woo! Chapter finished. I'm really tired… so not much to be said for today! Blah... I'm kind of hating myself. I've sort of accidentally made Kait the main character. Completely by accident though! I, no lie, don't like either character better. But, by using Kait in the Draco-love plot, and now with this... gah. I didn't mean too! I'll need to think of something really great for Triana to live up to. 


	28. Chapter 28: Stuff Happens Now!

UGH I hate life! Well, not forreal, but I don't know what I want to do with my life at all, and it's making me really depressed! I want to do so much…. If I could, I'd live forever and keep faking my deaths then reassuming different identities, so I'd get to live as every career! That would be fun. But yes, I want to be many different careers and none of them can really weigh out the others, and they all require LOTS of training that normally starts one the age I'm at currently, so I don't know what to do with my life right now! I hope my overzealous ambitions don't lead me into treachery…. –sigh– Oh but I finished the Hunchback of Notre-Dame today! It took me SO long to read though… it's only 500 pages but it is verryyy difficult (BUT SO INTERESTING!) to read.

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Chapter 28: Stuff Happens Now

Kait was awoken by someone shaking her shoulder roughly. She awoke with a start, snapping her head back to look at whatever awoke her. However, it was way too dark for her too make out anything more than a shape. She was trying to find her wand—

"Hurry, miss, come with me!" a timid voice gasped out beside her.

"What's going on!? Why is it so god damn cold?!" Kait had temporarily forgotten what had happened yesterday and was unaware of the fact that she was sleeping on a bed of leaves outside of a forest in Northern England.

"I'm sorry miss, there is no time! Please follow me!" the small voice croaked out again.

Kait decided that the voice sounded nice enough, so she got up and rubbed her eyes. She bent down and groped in the grass until she picked up her damp wand.

A yawn escaped her mouth while the creature asked "Are you going to bring Miss Triana, miss?"

Kait was rather confused, but the foggy memory came back a little and she pointed the wand at Triana and said groggily, "Triana move yo' ass. We're going somewhere."

Triana immediately flew upwards and walked quickly towards the pair. The creature, whose shape seemed to be that of a house elf, led them away from the area.

"Where are we going?" asked Kait, chattering her teeth in the cold October night.

"To London, miss," said the house elf, who was out of breath from the quick strides it had to take to stay in front of the girls.

"We're walking?! Jesus…" fumed Kait after breathing on her hands to warm them.

"Miss, the charms you set up prevent anyone from apparating in or out of this area."

"…Oh," Kait said, slightly embarrassed. But still cold. Too cold to care about a silly faux pas, atleast.

After walking for about 15 minutes in silence, the elf stopped and so did the two girls that were following. He took their two hands without warning and apparated with them, to be sure that they didn't get separated on the way.

They were in a back alley between two buildings in the center of London. Kait didn't understand why they had apparated into a back alley, since more people were likely to be there than on the streets at 4 in the morning. And she was right. A few feet, or meters, whatever, there was a drunken hobo lying on the ground. However, he appeared to be asleep or dead so no harm was done.

Without a ward, the elf set off at a brisk pace once more towards the street. They turned and walked up the empty road. After a few minutes of their fast rate, they came to an abrupt stop in front of a dingy pub. The elf looked through the dirty glass door and then entered.

There were many wizards crowded around the bar in the center of the dim room.

"Jesus, you people never sleep!" Kait sighed, realizing that she was in the Leaky Cauldron, the entrance into Diagon Alley.

The house elf led the two girls to the back of the pub, where he tapped his grubby fingernail (since he had no wand) on the third brick from the left.

The wall split apart and morphed into magnificent archway, and after they stepped through it molded back together.

The elf led them through a complicated path. They went through alleys and tunnels while the sky began to lighten with dawn's approach. They walked for nearly half of an hour, when finally the elf led them into a miserable old shack.

"Please, miss Kait, sit down," said the house elf while he fumbled around the house looking for something.

Kait saw a few stools in the room so she gladly gave her tired feet a rest, and ordered Triana to do the same.

The elf scampered back into the room, carrying a large book into his arms. He set it down on the table and started flipping through the pages.

"Not to be rude or anything… but who the heck are you?"

"Oh, please forgive me miss, I am sorry, I am Pimmy, a house elf that works for the school," he answered, while still flipping the pages.

"Oh. Sweet. Um… what do you need with us?"

"You were the ones that saw Mistress Umbridge's secret lair!"

"OH MY GOD, ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME?!" Kait shrieked, grabbing her wand.

"No, no! Mistress Umbridge persuaded us to… help her… and we complied because that's what we do, miss, but… but… she is doing bad things, miss! And you know, because of miss Triana, miss! You see what she does! You must help us!"

"Oh… right. That makes a lot more sense," she said, slowly releasing her wand.

"Yes, Pimmy thinks so too. Here is the potion we've been helping her make, miss."

He held up the book to a moldy page with tiny writing. Kait took the heavy book and tried reading it.

"_Homo Qui Regitur_…. Teehee, homo…" she giggled, "let's see… it submits the drinker to be ruled by the other DNA… in the… crap more Latin… NOOOO IT'S TOO EARLY FOR SCIENCE!"

"It means, miss, that there are two antagonizing potions, the _Homo Qui Regitur_ and the _Rex Hominis_. Let us say that Mistress Umbridge wanted to control you. She would have to put one of your hairs in each potion, and one of her hairs in each potion. Once you drank the _Homo Qui Regitur_, she would be the only one who would be able to drink the _Rex Hominis_ to control you."

"Oh… okay… so how come I can control Triana?"

"Pimmy can not reveal too much! Mistress will find out and punish Pimmy! Pimmy is a very bad house elf!" He took the book from Kait's hand and threw it down at his feet, causing him to scream in pain.

"PIMMY! You told me that Umbridge forced you into this. She's evil. You don't have to listen to her, just do what you have to do to stop her while making sure she doesn't find out. Now tell me why I'm able to control Triana."

He took a deep breath. "If the potion is made correctly, miss, she can add more than two hairs to each, which will allow multiple controllers or multiple controlled depending on who receives what potion."

"But I never drank any of the controller potion!"

"It's not exactly flawless… she meant to give both miss Triana and you the controlled potion so she could control you both at once. However, since you never received it, and Mistress Umbridge drank the controller potion, you are able to control miss Triana since you are not incapacitated."

"Oh… I thought it was because I had her wand!"

"No, miss, that has nothing to do with it but Pimmy does suggest you hold on to it for the time being," the timed house elf stated, looking at the short wand with a look of fright.

"How does she control so many people at once?"

"She…" he sniffled, "she forces us to do it for her!" he wailed, with tears starting to pour down his face.

"But… Pimmy… um… you don't have any hair…" she noted meekly.

This only caused him to sob louder. He shakily moved a tear-soaked hand and pointed towards his ear.

"Sick-nasty…" she grimaced. She thought for a little more while Pimmy's sobs started decreasing. "Pimmy, this potion has a lot of flaws. Why doesn't she just use the Imperius curse or something?"

He sniffled, "She n-needed something which did not leave any magical trace, and s-something where her minions could do most of the dirty work for her!"

Kait felt sick. She almost didn't want to know this much, but she knew it was important if Triana was ever going to come back, and if the school was ever going to regain order. The she realized—

"Pimmy, who is Umbridge controlling?"

"Well…" he squeaked, and his eyes started filling with tears.

"Pimmy, I order you to tell me!"

"She's controlling Dumbledore!" he forced out. He then ran into another room and various loud crashing noises were heard.

"Dumbledore!?" Kait gasped. No wonder…. It made sense now! She was keeping herself safe from investigation while simultaneously boosting herself up on the social ladder by making Dumbledore go out with her. Disgusting.

As the noises from Pimmy's self-inflictions became louder, Kait pointed her wand at Triana. "Go get Pimmy and bring him back here."

When Pimmy had returned and he returned to consciousness, Kait kept on questioning him.

"Who else is being controlled?"

Pimmy was resigned and defeated now, so he willingly told her. "She has us controlling people who she thinks could find out. Some of the nosier Ravenclaws are under the potion, as is Snape because he would recognize it, and McGonagall is being controlled directly by her also."

"How do you make them normal? Triana just sits here like a robot. She killed a deer with her **bare hands!**"

"There are various other potions that Mistress Umbridge obtained from Snape himself which return some of the spirit to the body, so it remains like a ghost, which has a trace or an imprint of itself."

"Gah…" she said, shuddering. She wouldn't like Triana just to have a trace of herself back. "How do you undo it?"

"That is the benefit of the potion, for the controller at least, there is an antidote potion but it has to be received by both the controller and the controlled."

"Oh good!" Kait perked up. "We just have to make the potion, then you can put it in her food, and… no?" Kait stopped mid-sentence as she saw Pimmy's face. His eyes were slowly filling up with tears and he looked like he was about to go 'correct' himself once more.

"Pimmy can not do that, miss! Pimmy must help Mistress Umbridge; Pimmy can not harm her!"

"PIMMY. Who are we trying to stop? Umbridge. Who are we trying to help? Me. Please, GRASP BASIC LOGIC. Honestly, you house elves act like sociopaths sometimes…"

He sniffled and trembled. "Pimmy can give you the potion but you, miss, must give it to the Mistress, not Pimmy!"

"Hmm… all right. Deal."

"Pimmy was hoping you'd accept," he said meekly while managing a smile. He ran quickly into the kitchen and came back with a vial of a dark purple liquid. He put it in her hands and said, "Please miss, do not let Pimmy die in vain!"

"Die!?" Kait shrieked, while pocketing the antidote.

"Yes… Pimmy must reveal his treason to Mistress Umbridge, it is the only honorable thing to do!" he said as his fingers started to tremble.

"No! Pimmy! You can't! I mean, for one thing, you don't need to die by her hands for this, and secondly, _**you will completely give away my plan**_! The only way I can give her the antidote is if she is unaware that I have it! By dying for your 'treason', your death would automatically be in vain! If you want me to succeed, I recommend that you act like this meeting never happened! However, I may need help in the future, so do not hesitate to meet me, okay?" Kait looked him sternly in the eyes as she said this.

He gulped. "Pimmy understands miss. Thank you, thank you for doing this!" He shrieked in elation and ran over to kiss her feet.

She shuddered and waited until he finished to say, "One more thing, will this bottle of antidote allow me to free all of her captives?"

"As far as Pimmy knows, yes. The antidote does not need to be personalized as the original potions do!" he grinned.

"Wonderful! Then I can sort this out as soon as I go back to the castle! Wait. Crap. Two students completely disappeared _in the middle of the day_ with no traces of where they've gone," Kait sighed and her mind began working on possible solutions.

They sat there in silence as the dreary shack lit up slowly with the morning, and sounds could be heard coming from the center of the village.

"Wait! Pimmy! Can you curse me?!" Kait fervently asked.

"No, my magic is very limited, miss," he replied, shaking his head sadly.

"Ah! Then, Triana! Yes! Triana, take my wand and jinx me just badly enough for me to have to be taken to Hogwarts and treated by Madam Pomfrey. Curse yourself worse though. Make sure it's not lethal but something that will take time to heal. Oh, first drink two sips of this," she added, handing her the vial of antidote. "Pimmy, once were both unconscious apparate our bodies into the middle of the village where they'll be seen. Then immediately go back to Hogwarts and try to make sure that Umbridge doesn't visit us in the hospital wing."

Before anything more could be said, Triana immediately acted. She swigged down some of the antidote and took Kait's wand and held it to her face.

That was the last thing Kait saw.

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That was a pretty awesome chapter. Lots of words! I hope this fic is still mildly funny. It will get better, it's just that… plot is nearly the opposite of humor. They negate each other. Unless the plot is funny. Which mine isn't. Because I'm uncreative? Don't fret, Umbridge-hilarity will ensue. I hope. Oh! I just got a good idea! Crap! I don't think it matches up with the actual story though… I'll need to check on mugglenet. That site is GODLY. Love it. And now it's sleeping time, so goodnight! 


	29. Chapter 29: Back at Hogwarts

NEED TO GET THIS DONE IN AN HOUR, or else it will be lost for a long period of time.

Chapter 29: Back at Hogwarts

Kait's eyes lazily took in her bright scenery. She was lying on a warm bed in the Hospital Wing. She would have stayed there for a while if she could have, but the bed was getting much too stuffy and she had the feeling that she really needed to take a shower. She sat up and stretched, then rubbed her eyes and looked around. Triana was lying on the bed next to her.

She began to remember the plan, realizing that she had little time to get the antidote to Umbridge before she somehow found out.

She was just about to scramble out when Madam Pomfrey rushed out of her office carrying a flask of a potion. "Lie right back down this instant!" Kait immediately obeyed. She examined her for a short bit and said, "Well… you appear to be fine, but drink a bit of this first before you go," she said, handing her the flask. Kait drank a few mouthfuls of the Pepper-Up Potion, and soon went off to the kitchens. She wasn't going back to class, not just yet. She had to check a few things.

She tickled the pear and walked inside the busy kitchens. It was almost time for lunch, so things were quite a dither. She found a house elf that didn't look to busy and introduced herself.

"Hello, I'm Kait,"

"I am Jimpy! Nice to meet you, miss, what can Jimpy get for you?"

Kait really didn't know what to do at this point. She could go around asking the house elves to put an unknown substance in their Mistress's food which may or may not kill her. So she had to approach it from a different manner.

"TOUR. I would like a tour of the kitchens! Kitchens are quite fascinating, I find! Yes… kitchens are actually… um… kind of sexy, don't you think!? Yes. Please show me this sexy, sexy kitchen!" she stammered out.

"Um… whatever will please you, Miss! Follow me!" he replied.

Kait zoned out for most of it when he was describing the direct processes going into preparing student meals, but then the elf started in about the staff meals. She saw the section where they were all being prepared by a team of experienced elves. She wandered closer, and Jimpy was so caught up in his reverie that he didn't take any notice and kept walking. She inched closer and closer, just waiting for the right moment to strike.

They kept these dishes very well organized, most likely so that the meals went to the right staff members. Each meal had a small parchment label besides the plate, indicating the intended recipient.

The elves had already finished Umbridge's meal, and now were working together on Hagrid's and Trelawney's. She had a very nice advantage of being so tall that the elves didn't bother with her unless she accidentally kneed one of them in the face.

She scooted closer to the plate (which consisted of chicken fingers with macaroni and cheese), and reached into her robes to grab the antidote. She did not feel it in the pocket that she had stashed it in. She swiftly patted down the others, too, desperately searching for the potion.

However, it had gone missing.

"SHIT!!!!"


End file.
